Post # 1
I have posted about this before, but my friend recently eloped with a man she had dated for less than two months. She asked me and our mututal friend to be the matrons of honor.
I was originally planning her bridal shower in April for her May wedding, but she called me on a Monday in March and asked me to attend her wedding/vows… on that following Wednesday, in the middle of the day. The other matron of honor and I both managed to make it, but it was mess. Not even her family came, because they were so upset about how poorly it was handled. There were maybe 8 people there, some of which were literal strangers who happened to be at this church and wandered in and sat down. So weird.
However, the day after this “wedding”, my friend asked me and the other maid of honor to still throw her a bridal shower. YES, I KNOW THAT IS RUDE. We both kind of looked at each other, and neither of us knew what to say. Basically neither of us said no because we didn’t want to look like the bad guy, and she took that as a YES. So now she wants us to throw her shower the same day it was originally planned. However it’s really awkward, since this bride posted on social media that they eloped, and everyone knows it and no one she wants to invite to this shower thing, was invited to her elopement thing. So I don’t even know where to begin for a shower. She threw me a wonderful bachelorette weekend in California last year, and footed the majority of the bill, which is why I feel obligated to come through for her, even though I know she is being rude. I was going to just throw a backyard brunch, and make it more like a small celebration, but she is really pining for games and things like that, and I know this is supposed to be a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I don’t want to let her down. But it’s SO awkward, thinking of inviting people and planning games for a couple that are already married. AND games like “How well does the bride know the groom?” are even more awkward, since they have known each other for three months total…so she doesn’t know him well at all. And the women on her side of the family are already unhappy about it, and I am worried this will compound it.
Any one have any ideas? Yes, I know she is being rude and assuming, but she is my friend and I understand she is excited. I just don’t know how to pull this off without a whole lot of weirdness, or a hurt friend.
Post # 2
BOW OUT…. This is nonsense
Post # 3
I would be honest with her and tell her people may be more receptive to an elopement celebration rather than a shower since they are already married. It seems like your friend is oblivious of other people just from your other posts, maybe she needs someone to tell her that people will be put off by a shower. You should tell her to save yourself from the weirdness, but to also save herself from looking utterly rude, inconsiderate, and gift-grabby.
ETA: correction, wedding not elopement. My apologies
Post # 4
You could host a brunch, luncheon or afternoon tea to celebrate her recent marriage- no mention of gifts.
Post # 5
Ah, she had a quickie wedding, not an elopement.
If calling this a bridal shower is what’s causing trouble — aside from her attitude, of course — you could sit her down and tell her that you refuse to throw her a shower, but will host her reception/celebration/brunch/dinner party thing instead.
Say flat out, “I’m not throwing you a bridal shower, friend. You’re a wife, now, not a bride. We’re not going to do everything out of order because you decided to do things differently.” You might have to change this a little, but it’s basically what you should say — she’s a wife now, not a bride.
It sounds like she’s describing a wedding reception anyway. The “how well do they know each other” game isn’t done at most bridal showers because the groom isn’t there, so I don’t what she’s thinking. That’s a reception game.
If you throw her a party and weirdness ensues, it’s not your fault. She was impetuous, and impetuous people get what they get. If she gets a crappy party, oh well. She should have thought this through more and decided what she really wanted out of her wedding experience.
If she gets mad and doesn’t want to talk to you anymore, oh well — she caused her own problems.
Post # 6
Yeah, I would just tell her that you definietly want to do something for her, but since she’s already married a shower would be inappropriate (it’s inappropriate to invite people to a gift-giving event like a shower who aren’t invited to the actual wedding). If she wants games at the “shower” then fine, do games, but don’t call it a shower and definitely don’t put her registry or anything like that on the invitations.
Post # 7
no!!! I remember your threads. Didn’t you and the others Maid/Matron of Honor already buy your expensive dresses? Did she pay you back? She wanted to elopement, so no need to have a bridal shower. Celebration of marriage, sure.
Post # 8
Either back out or make it a “Celebration of Marriage” party on her behalf. Don’t play into this stereotypical shower nonsense, especially since she’s inviting people who weren’t invited to the…we’ll call it private ceremony. Eloping is when you do so in secret by yourselves. She invited people – she just decided to give them zero notice. Especially since the women invited to this aren’t very happy about it in the first place.
So throw her a celebration BBQ if you don’t feel you can back out of this. Invite couples instead of just the women and have her husband there. Have stereotypical BBQ games like cornhole and croquet. If you want to indulge in shower/wedding type games, focus more on newlyweds and anniversaries. So instead of pretending she’s actually a bride and not a wife now and dressing people up in wedding dresses made of toilet paper do things like match the celebrity couple. Or a puzzle where people have to fill in the traditional gifts for each anniversary year and winner gets a prize. You could do some sort of traditional shower type stuff like maybe ask people to write down their best advice for the newlyweds.
Post # 9
Haha yes, she gave us part of the money back, and promised to pay us back the rest. I dooubt I will ever see it, but I am happy I at least recouped some of it!
I like the idea of a celebration, I’m sure she is hoping for gifts (she registered last week… I was like “why?” when she told me. Wah wah wahhh) but I will just let people do what they think is best and not mention gifts! I like the idea of a small get together to celebrate her, without all the cliche shower stuff. Whew!
Post # 10
I love all of these ideas! I will share them with the other matron of honor who is helping me, thank you SO MUCH! 😀
Post # 11
Bridal shower doesn’t sound right since technically she is already married. Whatever the event becomes, I would definitely mention in the event billing that they are already married. If you are hosting, you have the right to do it how you want (or to not do it at all).
Post # 12
Wanted to add that I actually did this for a friend. I didn’t find out she was married until someone spilled the beans at the shower I threw. I wasn’t happy. I’ll leave it at that.