(Closed) Throwing a bridal shower AFTER they are married?…

posted 4 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
Member
962 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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jimonabee89 :  BOW OUT…. This is nonsense 

Post # 3
Member
1504 posts
Bumble bee

I would be honest with her and tell her people may be more receptive to an elopement celebration rather than a shower since they are already married. It seems like your friend is oblivious of other people just from your other posts, maybe she needs someone to tell her that people will be put off by a shower. You should tell her to save yourself from the weirdness, but to also save herself from looking utterly rude, inconsiderate, and gift-grabby.

ETA: correction, wedding not elopement. My apologies 

Post # 4
Member
47448 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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jimonabee89 :  You could host a brunch, luncheon or afternoon tea to celebrate her recent marriage- no mention of gifts.

Post # 5
Member
2240 posts
Buzzing bee

Ah, she had a quickie wedding, not an elopement. 

If calling this a bridal shower is what’s causing trouble — aside from her attitude, of course — you could sit her down and tell her that you refuse to throw her a shower, but will host her reception/celebration/brunch/dinner party thing instead. 

Say flat out, “I’m not throwing you a bridal shower, friend. You’re a wife, now, not a bride. We’re not going to do everything out of order because you decided to do things differently.” You might have to change this a little, but it’s basically what you should say — she’s a wife now, not a bride.

It sounds like she’s describing a wedding reception anyway. The “how well do they know each other” game isn’t done at most bridal showers because the groom isn’t there, so I don’t what she’s thinking. That’s a reception game. 

If you throw her a party and weirdness ensues, it’s not your fault. She was impetuous, and impetuous people get what they get. If she gets a crappy party, oh well. She should have thought this through more and decided what she really wanted out of her wedding experience.

If she gets mad and doesn’t want to talk to you anymore, oh well — she caused her own problems. 

Post # 6
Member
7558 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Yeah, I would just tell her that you definietly want to do something for her, but since she’s already married a shower would be inappropriate (it’s inappropriate to invite people to a gift-giving event like a shower who aren’t invited to the actual wedding). If she wants games at the “shower” then fine, do games, but don’t call it a shower and definitely don’t put her registry or anything like that on the invitations.

Post # 7
Member
920 posts
Busy bee

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jimonabee89 :  no!!! I remember your threads. Didn’t you and the others Maid/Matron of Honor already buy your expensive dresses? Did she pay you back? She wanted to elopement, so no need to have a bridal shower. Celebration of marriage, sure.

Post # 8
Member
5046 posts
Bee Keeper

Either back out or make it a “Celebration of Marriage” party on her behalf.  Don’t play into this stereotypical shower nonsense, especially since she’s inviting people who weren’t invited to the…we’ll call it private ceremony.  Eloping is when you do so in secret by yourselves.  She invited people – she just decided to give them zero notice.  Especially since the women invited to this aren’t very happy about it in the first place.

So throw her a celebration BBQ if you don’t feel you can back out of this.  Invite couples instead of just the women and have her husband there.  Have stereotypical BBQ games like cornhole and croquet.  If you want to indulge in shower/wedding type games, focus more on newlyweds and anniversaries.  So instead of pretending she’s actually a bride and not a wife now and dressing people up in wedding dresses made of toilet paper do things like match the celebrity couple.  Or a puzzle where people have to fill in the traditional gifts for each anniversary year and winner gets a prize.  You could do some sort of traditional shower type stuff like maybe ask people to write down their best advice for the newlyweds.

Post # 11
Member
7892 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Bridal shower doesn’t sound right since technically she is already married. Whatever the event becomes, I would definitely mention in the event billing that they are already married. If you are hosting, you have the right to do it how you want (or to not do it at all). 

Post # 12
Member
920 posts
Busy bee

Wanted to add that I actually did this for a friend. I didn’t find out she was married until someone spilled the beans at the shower I threw. I wasn’t happy. I’ll leave it at that.

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