Post # 1
My brother is getting married in October. I really want to throw my new sister in law a shower and we’ve got a date narrowed down. But then I found out that they aren’t registering anywhere. She just inherited a house from a relative that passed and they really don’t need any household items. What they are really focusing on right now is updating their house a bit. I found this out after the intial date setting of the shower but now I’m not sure how to proceed. I want to shower them both with gifts and love from our family and friends but I’m not sure how to plan a shower without physical gifts. If I specify cash or gift cards to lowes or home depot, it will be a lot of “Yay more cash!” Or ” Yay ANOTHER gift card for….” How should I proceed in planning this shower? I want it to be awesome and I don’t want to cancel it just because they aren’t registering for gifts. Thoughts?
Post # 2
I think you should kind of put a bug in her ear to go and register for a couple of things. Even in an inherited house there are things that you would like updated. I know I prefer to go into the store and just buy something off the registry, and then she will aviod getting a bunch of crap she doesn’t want and then has to return. Even if she could register for 20 things from Target in different price ranges that would be better than nothing.
Post # 3
You could still hold the shower but the guests will be confused and many will deliver randpm household items anyway.
If I were in your shoes, Id offer to hosts a bridal brunch/lumcheon/dinner. Guests who feel compelled to give will, and others wont.
I think it would be incredibly strange to be invited to a shower with no registry (etiquette dictates a guests MUST bring a gift to a shower). And id find any sort of “money shower” (invluding gift cards or a house funds) boring and in poor taste.
Post # 4
I went to a “gift card shower” for a couple in a similar situation recently. I thought it would be boring and weird. It was actually kind of fun. They got all kinds of gift cards – everything from home improvement stores and just visa cash cards to some fun little “date nights” that had a restaurant and movie theater gift cards. They didn’t get a bunch of stuff they didn’t need and it was fun for guests.
Post # 5
Can you do a lingerie or wine shower or something instead? I don’t like the idea of being expected to essentially give cash at a shower and wedding.
Post # 6
We didn’t do a registry because his parents bought us new ‘everything’ for our house many months ago…literally all I did was decorate our house. We also don’t have a lot of room to store extra items if we did have a registry–if I got more stuff that I didn’t register for I wouldn’t know what to do with it or where to put it. I’ve also heard of brides who didn’t do registries but people still bought stuff for their houses, and they just returned it and got the money. I think you should maybe bring up the topic to your sis-in-law and see what she truly wants.
I’ve been to a gift card type shower and it was still really fun, mainly because they incorporated a lot of really fun games.
Post # 7
Thanks for all the comments! For those that have been to a gift card shower, how exactly did it go down? Meaning, what did the invites say and what kind of games were incorporated that made the experience so much fun?
Post # 8
Maybe this is a cultural thing but only very recently have I started receiving shower invites with a registry.
before then I was always taught registry for wedding only! No big deal everyone still came and had a great time, with a small gIft of there choosing.
Or I have been to some where they asked for a recipe instead of a gift- I LOVED this!! The bride sat there and opened them all up and said what it was and then the person explained it eg) my great aunt used to always make this when we went to visit or this is my go to recipe when I get home and dont have much time. Honestly so much love was given that day and then the bride had a whole collection of sentimental recipes that got bound together.
other ideas I have heard of – pound party (everyone brings a pound of something to fill the pantry) or bring a teacup ( everyone brings a teacup of there choosing or from their set and then the bride ends up with a crazy tea set.
Or as the previous poster suggested just do a luncheon with some games.
but honestly no registry is not a big deal
Post # 9
I did not register for my shower last month. She & a few others tried to push registering on me, because they felt I “needed” to, but I stood my ground and said no. FI and I already live together in a small 2 bedroom house we are renting, have everything we need, and NO space for more stuff. I compromised and said Walmart and Wegmans giftcards. My Maid/Matron of Honor made a little poem up stating we were not registered, and gifts aren’t necessary, but Walmart and Wegmans giftcards can always be gladly used and appreciated. I could find my invitation and forward wording if you like. I had a card cage & people placed their cards in it, I did not open cards. I did receive a few gifts, which my bridal party had me open. It was laid back, and everyone told me they had a good time and enjoyed themselves. Most importantly, it was “Me”.. You have to take the bride’s wants and personality into account. She doesn’t “have to” register, or do anything she doesn’t want to for that matter. I would simply ask her what she wants and likes. Good luck!
Post # 10
Asking for money or gift cards is the same thing as asking for money and is neither appropriate nor polite.
If there is no registry, there can still be a shower. In that case, people will buy a gift the old fashioned way, by shopping for something they think the couple might like. Registries are not required, and most traditionally are not even approved. People have been thoughtfully making the effort to choose a personal or meaningful gift for a long time without anyone telling them how.
Showers are actually the only situation in which it is OK to include registry info within the invitation envelope itself, since the entire purpose of a shower is to give gifts.
Post # 11
I think it is really tacky to ask for cash or gift cards. If you don’t need anything then don’t throw a shower. We are in the same situation as we already combined 2 households worth of stuff so we’re not having one.
Post # 12
I agree… if there isnt a registry there should be a shower IMO.
Post # 13
I agree with BrandyQ… If they bride does not want to register, why should she be required to ask for things she does not want or need? If people think it’s tacky then I guess they should stay home!
Have her register for only the things she wants updated and if they are big ticket items, she can do a honeyfund. MOST people will honor the host/bride wishes.
Post # 14
I agree! I was hounded and pushed at 1st to start a registry, and there was nothing I felt I needed/wanted. I opted for a quiet get together in my parent’s backyard..some people brought giftcards, some people brought just a card, some people brought personal gifts, some people just brought themselves..and you know what, It didn’t matter! I was grateful for everyone’s attendance, and grateful for all the gifts, because that is just what they were, gifts! Whether it was asked for, expected or not, a gift is a gift and you should be grateful. We ate, talked, celebrated, and it was a great time!
Post # 15
Thanks for the advice! On the invite that was sent out, what did it say in reference to gifts? If you could forward me the invite that would be great! I think your shower is exactly what I am picturing for her! I want to welcome her to our family and do something sweet. I don’t care if she doesn’t want to register. Anyone that has an issue with it doesn’t have to come. And if they DO have an issue with it, maybe they’ve got their priorities a little skewed. A bride should never feel forced to have a registry because other people want her to. And if OTHER people want to throw her a shower, that’s not tacky. It means they want to shower her with love.