(Closed) Throwing Etiquette Out the Window

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I have thought about writing a similar post…but I can’t write it as calmly as you did.  Wink  Nicely said. 

Post # 4
Member
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

๐Ÿ˜€ 

@soon2bhis: ditto

Post # 5
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

totally get it,  i especially like how u summed it up:

Back to basics: me and my finance committing to each other for the rest of our lives.

that’s what i remind myself of when i find i start to get too obsessed about things that are not important (e.g., flowers and centerpieces)

Post # 6
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You’re right that a wedding is ultimately about two people committing to eachother. BUT you made the choice to invite other people to share it with you and it is only reasonable that you make some effort to make it comfortable for your guests to attend. That doesn’t mean you have to bend over backwards or invite people you do not like to your wedding, but it means trying to be a good hostess.

After all, if you find it so much trouble to arrange things for your guests you can head to the town hall or elope and get a day that doesn’t involve anyone but you and your fiance.

If you organize the day so that people have to spend a few hours waiting between ceremony and reception you have to be prepared for some complaints. You’re absolutely free to organize things the way you want to but you can’t expect everyone to share your opinion. Of course well behaved guests would keep their mouths shut and not complain but not everyone is well behaved.

I’m just saying that everyone is entitled to an opinion and you can’t expect everyone to agree with you, but don’t let it get to you. And there will always be people with no manners, not much you can do about it except vent on the Bee!

Post # 7
Member
988 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

‘It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to!’

Post # 8
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I totally agree. If people are going to be angry over something, they’re going to  find something to be angry over, no matter how accomodating you are. And if they’re so put out about it to consider not coming, then – hey, we’re all adults here. Don’t come.

A lot of thought and deliberation goes into EVERY SINGLE ASPECT of a wedding, and trust me, if a couple has decided not to do something, it’s been talked about, re-thought, talked about some more, and ultimately decided on. Tough beans, Aunt Betty.

(I wouldn’t go so far as to not provide something to do during the photography session, but everything else? Spot on.) Bravo!

Post # 9
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@The Unsuspecting Bride: I don’t think OP is saying that we should be terrible hostesses at all.  I think she’s getting at how certain people are so “stuck in their ways” that what they think is right (be it cocktail hour, save the dates, etc.).  Alot of people don’t seem to realize that some places, (*gasp*) just don’t do these things!  Up here, cocktail hour is basically unheard of.  NO ONE knows what save the dates are.  You do one thing “differently” and everything thinks it’s so unique (when really, it’s not!).  I think somewhere along the way people have forgotten that we’re all trying to have our own unique wedding, all while trying to impress the people who are actually going to be there.  Then we come on WB (or similar sites) for a little advice/inspiration and end up feeling a need to impress these total strangers who may make three times as much as us, or have parents who can contribute more, and who are telling us that we’re terrible people for not doing this, or not doing that. 

 

Post # 11
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@cheapchicbride:  Well, the funny thing is most of what people are telling you is “rude” isn’t at all.

Its not rude not to invite children and its not rude not to include a plus one for casual dates and its certainly not rude to serve a barbecue menu! 

You’re doing fine – the people critisizing your choices and complaining are the ones being rude.  If you’re interested, there’s a fun book by Miss Manners called something like “How to Have a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding” that discusses good wedding etiquette and, I think, would be a comfort to you.  In fact, in one section she specifically states that overwhelmingly often, the inexpensive choise is what is most polite.  She calls it “cheap and charming.” 

Anyway, good luck.

Post # 12
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

@cheapchicbride: I do agree with the majority of your post, however, I do think that one of the things you should cut out. You said that there is a gap in between the ceremony and reception for you to take pictures and go to your favorite watering hole. Why do you need to go there during the gap? Couldnt you shorten the gap and just take pictures? I dont think any of the other things you mentioned are rude, but I do think it is somewhat inconsiderate to go somewhere to hang out with just the bridal party while your other guests are waiting for you!

Post # 14
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

@cheapchicbride: Ah I see! So you would have the gap regardless unless you started your reception super early?  That makes more sense! I think thats fine especially since you said your guests are free to go to the reception venue earlier to hang out or grab a drink. Sorry – didnt mean to bash you on something! ๐Ÿ™‚

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