(Closed) Throwing your own bridal shower a faux pas?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
849 posts
Busy bee

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emmabird :  I agree that throwing a shower in one’s own honor is tacky. I totally secretly throw side-eye when I see things like that happening on Facebook or whatever. I do hear that it’s okay to plan one’s bachelorette party though? I’m not really sure about that one.

Post # 17
Member
14158 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Showers are about gifts. Throwing a self serving, self celebrating event is considered very inappropriate. If you are a very intimate, trusted friend I might consider breaking the rules and telling her in order to spare her the embarrassment. Otherwise, I’d mind my own business.

Post # 18
Member
14158 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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janna121215 :  It’s never considered in good taste to throw a party in your own honor. That includes bachelorette parties, showers, adult birthday parties etc.

A wedding is an exception since it’s also a thank you to the guests for attending.

Post # 19
Member
9639 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i was talking to my coworker about this yesterday.  he is the one throwing his wife a baby shower and i said that was weird.  but then i started thinking about it and i threw my son his 1st birthday party.  so what is the differnce?

if immediate family isn’t supposed to host a gift giving event, why are birthday parties ok?

Post # 20
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

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ajillity81 :  Children’s birthday parties are considered the exception to the rule.

Post # 21
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

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tabithafancy :  Shower seems to be in addition to our equivilent of a Hen Party (Bachelorette?) It also seems taboo to organise that, which I think it weird in the UK – In in London and I’m organising my own Hen, othrwise I would simply never have one!  Getting all my friends together in the city on any given day is a nightmare.

Post # 22
Member
7422 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I wouldn’t worry about it. Yes it’s technically taboo from an etiquette perspective, but who knows the circumstances – maybe no one else was able to throw her one or maybe this is normal in her family to throw your own. Not everyone is up on etiquette or really gives two hoots about most of the rules. Doesn’t automatically make her a greedy gift grabber.

Post # 23
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

I guess it’s technically a no no but really, how is throwing your own shower different to telling your bridesmaid “let’s plan my shower”, setting a date, doing the guest list and showing up in a party dress ready to receive gifts. It’s the same to me. 

Post # 25
Member
14158 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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ajillity81 :  Children’s birthday parties are the exception because it gives young people the opportunity to play host, learn manners and socialize in an age appropriate way. And also because we indulge a certain amount of self centeredness in children while we are supposed to have outgrown it as adults. 

Post # 26
Member
14158 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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pancakes11 : Well, you aren’t supposed to plan your own shower, so there’s that.  And there is nothing wrong with being a guest of honor or answering questions. 

Post # 27
Member
7422 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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weddingmaven :  I think it is a rather dubious distinction though. Like, in my circle it is 100% the norm to have one or two bridal showers. Normally the showers are planned by family friends, but the bride still has a say in the guest list and can be involved in the other details too if she wants. And obviously the bride is making the registry – i.e. directing people to get her certain gifts. Like yes, technically someone else is “hosting” it but if this type of party is 99% of the time going to happen for every bride, why is it such a horrific scandal if one bride happens to plan her own shower cause for whatever reason no one else is going to step up and do it for her? I guess I just see showers as more of a rite of passage in the wedding process than anything else (they definitely are in my circle at least) – and if that’s the case then the person who is hosting it is kind of secondary, iMO.

At the end of the day, whether the bride or someone else hosts, you get the same result – people come together to celebrate the bride and give her some gifts. I just can’t understand all the pearl clutching if one bride happens to plan her own shower. Sure, if the bride in question has a history of being a gift grabby diva that might make it worse, but if she’s just a regular girl who forgot to read the bridal shower chapter in Emily Post? Who cares??? Don’t go if you don’t want to. There is no obligation.

Post # 28
Member
5243 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I don’t like showers anyway but I don’t see whats so different about planning it yourself vs talking to other people about the shower they’re planning for you, making a registry and turning up purely to receive gifts. Basically the same. 

Post # 29
Member
4095 posts
Honey bee

Definite no-no, but we all know the shower is just so the bride can get some loot so at least she’s saving her friends and family the cost of hosting!

Post # 30
Member
2691 posts
Sugar bee

I threw showers for my daughters and I was informed that is also a no-no so I would definitely assume throwing your own is not cool.

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