Post # 1
We have a very tight budget for our wedding. Our guest list is of 208 people and about 35% of guest are mine and 65% are from my fiance. This is a large guest list for our budget, since the more guests one has, the more pricey the wedding gets. The guest list is also 100% family. I don’t have many friends, but I did want to invite a good friend I have, but under the circumstances I will not be able to. She knows I’m getting married this year, I just hope she does not get upset because of this. I told my fiance that we have to either make the wedding on a Friday instead of a Saturday, or we have to cut down our guest list. He will not agree to do any of these. We had previously decided to get married on a Sunday, but it is not possibly because Catholic church’s hold mass on Sunday and I was told a wedding would not fit into their schedule. My immediate family is smaller because, a lot of my uncles and aunts live in Mexico. And also the uncles/aunts that live here all have children but those children are young and none have their own children. Unlike my fiance’s family. Most of his family lives here. His dad has like 9 brothers and those brothers have sons/daughters whom have their own children, so this makes the guest list very big. a lot of the guest list is childer, but it is not an option to only invite adults.
We have gone to see many reception sites and many of them have a capacity of 200. Some have a capacity of 180 and those places are much cheaper to rent than the larger ones. So I have tried to talk my fiance into cutting his list down and not inviting family he rarely talks to. Or inviting all aunts/uncles but not their sons/daughters who already have their own family. He says that he cannot do this. I am even willing to cut my small guest list down (by not inviting my moms cousin whom is my godmother of first communion and has a family of 8), but it does not seem fair that I not invite some of my family, but he’s inviting all 135 of his.
I am already geting stressed out as it is because we do not have a reception site yet. I also could’nt sleep today because I was thinking about all the things that have to get done and I’m not sure we will be able to stay within out budget. but we can’t afford to spend more money on the wedding because we need a place to live and we need furniture and his parents are giving us money but we want to save it for a place to live. It would not make sense to spend more money on our wedding and then not have any left for an apartment or for a house.
Also, I know this happens a lot in Mexican culture, where people bring there own guests and because of this I will word my invitations carefully. for example for a family of 5 I will put ‘5 seats have been reserved in your honor” and then they will either check “ Yes, __ out of 5 will attend” or “ No, we regret that we cannot accept”.
So I would really like to have our wedding reception either at one of those less expensice reception sites that fit 180 ppl, or have our wedding on Friday. What can i do? how can I come into an agreement with my fiance? I know people say that not all guests will go, but what happens if more than 180 people plan to attend? i will not know how many people are actually going to attend until like a month before the wedding. At one of the reception sites my fiance and I went to, we were told that they count the people going in and that they will not allow more than 180 people inside.
Post # 3
Are you good with spreadsheets? I think what you need to do is to lay everything out in a spreadsheet, and then sit down with him and go over it. ie. venues for x number of guests on each day, catering quotes, etc.
Perhaps he just doesn’t realize how much things can add up.
Post # 4
Do any of the venues have smaller rooms attached? Like a hotel often has multiple banquet halls; you could rent a smaller one as well, set it up with games, toys, and pizza/sodas for the kids, thus cutting down on the number of plates to order and the number of seats you’d need? I’m not sure if it’s even an option, but thought I’d throw it out there.
Good luck! Guests lists are so difficult!
Post # 5
I only have a spreadsheet of guests. But i do need to organize the venues that I have gone to so far because I plan to choose one by next week and i need to have my info. organized for sure.
@abbie017: None of the ones that I have gone to so far have this option. Although on Sunday
I have an appt. to go look at a reception site and I was told that they have an entertainment room for children. I hope this place fits into our budget though.
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
We’re looking at Fridays, and you can save money all around- venues, photographers, and DJs may all offer discounts.
We’re dividing the guest list in half- 25 for his family, 25 for mine, 35 my friends, 35 his friends. (So about 125 invites, when we want to have 100 people) Everyone has a “B” list- it’s unfortunate, but that’s how it will have to be. I am only inviting one of twelve cousins- I can’t remember when I’ve seen some of the others who live out of the area, so it’s not important for me that they are at the wedding (and if they get upset, too bad.)
Yes, it is an option only to invite adults, especially if it’s an evening wedding. I have 3 nephews- 5, 18 and 20. Only the two older are invited, which caused some family drama, but it’s since been resolved. If dinner is going to be at a kid’s bedtime, they’re too young to be there.
Your Fiance can invite aunts/uncles and not the cousins. My Future Mother-In-Law had a list of 42 people- HER aunts/uncles/cousins, who my Fiance doesn’t know-they’re not getting invites because we don’t have the budget. You can think of it this way- if you wouldn’t go to someone’s funeral (and vice versa), why should they be at your wedding?
You are right that it doesn’t seem fair that his guest list is so much greater than yours. He needs to compromise on something. Family is obviously very important to him- what if you have a smaller wedding, then have a family reception a month or two later? You could host a picnic during the daytime, for example- all the kids could be there. I’m not trying to sound mean- you don’t want people turned away at the door, and you’re right- it doesn’t make sense to go over budget for one day, when you can use the money towards your new life together. Good luck! 🙂
Post # 7
@rebwana; Thank you. Yes, I know we can save money else where, but the amount of guests contributes to paying more for many things. I am willing to make a playlist on my ipod and have that instead of a dj but my fiance does not seem to like the idea. For music, it is important for me to have mariachi at least in the church so I don’t want to give that up. And for my fiance it is important to have a band and a dj. That would be a lot of money spent on music. I have even told him that we should have hour’s de oeuvres instead of a sit down dinner but he does not like that idea either. Some say that when planning a wedding we should think of ours guests first, and others say what the bride and groom want is most important and that is what i think, but i feel sometimes that my fiance puts others before me. I have tried to tell him to put our guests in categories of those we defenitely want to attend, and those we don’t really care for, but he does not want to do that. sometimes i just want to get married and just have our parents go and othertimes i want to have a big wedding.
Post # 8
OMG. Going through the same situation. My Fiance and I want a reception with about 200 people, but his family has a crazy long invite list (“who is that?” “I don’t remember their names, but they’re related distantly to so-and-so and NEED to be invited”…)So as of right now, We have a list of about a hundred family friends and our friends from both sdes, they have a list of about a hundred FAMILY. My family is only inviting like…30 people. I’m stressing out about this because him and I LOVE the venue but it can’t fit the amount of people that his parents are planning to invite.
Now they’re basically brow-beating him into picking a different venue…
I have NO advice! But at least you and I aren’t the only ones going through this, right? 🙂
Post # 9
Tell him he NEEDS to cut down on his list. Unless he’s some big baller and you have an unlimited income, things are tipped way too far in his favor, and it sounds like he’s making no compromises. I mean really – the guest list, the day of the week, the DJ/band v. iPod – he’s calling all the shots! He sounds controlling and not the least bit considerate. Yes, it’s selfish to say this, but the wedding is more about the bride than the groom. Also, marriage is all about compromise, and if he can’t handle that now, he won’t ever be able to learn it. It is completely unreasonable for him to invite ALL of his family and expect you to be choosy on your side of the family. If he’s this controlling in all aspects of your relationship, I’d suggest couples premarital counseling before moving too far forward.
Push again for the Friday wedding – it really does save a lot of money on ALL vendors – food, DJ, photographer, etc.
Also, even if you invite 200 people, not all 200 will be able to attend. I know it seems like you should plan for the “worst case scenario” with all 200 in attendance, but it’s inevitable that with that many guests there will be people who already have plans, people who become ill, etc. Usually they say about 20% will say no.
For your RSVP cards, I like the idea of saying “___ out of 5 will come.” You could even restrict it a bit more if you need: “___ out of 5 Garcias will come.” Then people know it’s family only without dates and friends.
Post # 10
I am really sorry to hear you are having an issue with all of this but it sounds to me that your Fiance has no idea of how much a wedding costs. I think you need to get a spreadsheet in place with ALL the costs including stuff like photographers/ DJs etc and show him what the total comes to and how much over your total budget it is and then ask him how he suggests to cut the costs. Possibly do a model with 200 guests and one with 180 and show how much can be saved by making some cuts within the guest list.
I really hope you sort it out but IMO your Fiance seems to be very unflexible and now you are gettign stressed and upset because of this. i think you need to communicate this to him sooner rather than later otherwise you might up resenting the whole day by the time it comes along.
Post # 11
Without knowing your budget, it’s a little hard to really help you out – there’s plenty of venues in SoCal that take over 200, but it really depends on your budget. Staying firm with Saturday evening makes it harder, but you could look into places like Luminares, Castaway or Country Clubs, where the $/pp may fit within your budget. An easy way is to also go to some of the wedding expo’s – there’s usually a great variety of venues there, and a very easy way for you to go up to all of them going, “Hey, I have 200 people, and only want to spend $45/pp – what’s the best arrangement you can do for me?”