(Closed) ‘Til death do you part? Or maybe more like ‘Til a life sentence in prison…

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 4
Bee
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall

Oh wow. This is a tough one. I hate to say it but, it might just depend on how long we’d been together before the incarceration, knowwhatImean? That said, I’ve been with Mr. MJ less than three years and I can’t bear the thought of “gee I love you hun but I have to move on with my life”. So, I guess I dunno.

Post # 5
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Wow now that is an interesting question.

I guess it really depends on the crime committed and the possibility of parole!

But if he did something that was bad enough for a LIFETIME sentence I think it would be over because of the crime and not because he was in jail.

Post # 6
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I believe in the whole “as long as we both shall live” but I honestly think there exceptions to every rule.  For my Fiance and I, those include addiction, abuse, and adultery.  You bring up a really good point about long-term imprisonment.  I certainly hope we are never in that position!  It’s something for me to think about though!

 

Edit: For the 3 things I listed, I don’t mean that divorce will automatically happen if one of those things occurs… however, if the offending person isn’t willing to seek professional help, that’s were ending it may occur.

Post # 8
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Yeah, I’m writing my own vows, I won’t include “till death.” There are far too many horrible circumstances in which I would seek a divorce:

– abuse to me or children

– cheating (not automatic)

– imprisonment for terrible crime

– long-term substance abuse

– long-term refusal to be intimate

– betrayal of our relationship (if he suddenly turned into a chauvanist pig or refused to have chilrden)

Hope none of the above happens, but still.

Post # 9
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I think it would depend on if I thought he was guilty.  If he did it, then he CHOSE to become incarcerated, and I would CHOOSE a divorce.  But if he didn’t do it, I would stay with him even if it was 60 years.  You just don’t know the heartbreak for someone who is in jail and innocent.  I couldn’t put the nail in his coffin, I’d stand by my man!

Post # 10
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I know some people are anti-divorce, but I have to say that if I thought he had honestly done something (murdered someone in cold blood with NO justification of self-defense, etc, raped and killed, or whatever) he would not be the person I married, and I would divorce him. 

But, that very situation os one of the reasons that we think long and hard about marriage, and why I wouldn’t marry someone I ever thought capable of such actions. 

Alas, I’m sure many “prison wives” don’t think it will happen to them, either. 

Post # 11
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

What an interesting thing to think about. I’m with you, I don’t think I would stick around, although it would depend on the charges…

My leaving wouldn’t be related to him being away (I’m already used to that- we’re dual military!), but rather whatever he DID to send him to jail in the first place.

Post # 12
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s so hard to say what I would do!

I did just hear such a sad story yesterday, though.  Someone I know is waiting for their bf to get out of prison because when he was 22 he had sex with his gf who was 17.  Well, over 5 years later, she couldn’t get over the fact that they had been broken up for 5 years and threatened to tell the cops if he wouldn’t dump his current gf and get back with her.  He didn’t, so she went to the cops, they charged him with statuatory rape, and now he’s in prison for 5 years!  So sad! 

Post # 13
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

For me, too, depends on whether or not I thought he was guilty.  If I thought he was, then it would depend on the nature of the crime & whether I thought it undermined our marriage.  Any crime I can think of that would lead to such a major prison sentence = undermining our marriage… that is, IF he really did it.  Tough situation, all around.  I really feel sorry for the children of people in prison/jail.  So hard on them

Post # 14
Member
1213 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ohhh, thats a tough one. It would totally depend on what put him behind bars, and if he was guilty. If it was a violent crime (rape, murder, arson etc.) and he was guilty then I’d divorce him so quick it would make his head spin. The man I love isn’t a violent person, so he wouldn’t be the man I married anymore.

I’m unsure of how I’ll word my vows. I don’t want ’till death do us part’ or ‘as long as we both shall live’. I was thinking ‘for as long as our love shall last’ but that just sounds like an escape clause to me.

Post # 15
Member
1455 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

For me, it’s simple. If he did something horrendous, incarcerated or not I’d be gone! But I can say confidently that I don’t think that’ll be a problem 🙂 However if he was incarcerated and we both believed he was innocent I’d stay with him… it’s rare but it does happen thatpeople are innocent but incarcerated.

Post # 16
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

I feel like if he were to do something big enough to warrant a lifetime in prison, he is not the same man I married,  and I don’t think I could stay. Does that makes sense? My Fiance is the last person in the world who I could imagine committing some huge crime, so if he did, then I’d really feel like I don’t know him at all – and I couldn’t stay married to him.

However, it’d be a different story if he was somehow in prison for something he didn’t do. That would be a much harder decision.

The topic ‘‘Til death do you part? Or maybe more like ‘Til a life sentence in prison…’ is closed to new replies.

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