(Closed) Time between engagements….

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Don’t feel bad! Your friend (if she’s a good friend) will be beyond excited for you. Plus, I’m sure she knows your boyfriend has been planning to propose. I got engaged a couple of months after my bff and there was never any issues. Don’t stress, enjoy this time!

Post # 3
Member
893 posts
Busy bee

My brother and I got engaged within a month of each other. Everyone knew mine was coming but his was a surprise. I don’t see the big deal. I’m happy for him and he is happy for me. We actually got engaged after them but are marrying first. My wedding is in August and his is NYE – both if this year. Everyone in our family is excited for both occasions. 

Post # 4
Member
9521 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

People have their own lives just as you do. You can’t put events in your life on hold anymore than you would expect someone to for you. You are not stealing thunder. A good friend would celebrate engagements together. 

Post # 5
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee

Keep a very open dialogue with her and make sure your dates are pretty far apart. Remember that weddings will bring out the very best out of some people.

I saw pretty good friends become complete enemies because they both were engaged around the same time, ended up with the same dress, wanted the same colors… etc. Let’s just say it got nasty and they don’t talk anymore.

My friend and I are also engaged at the same time. I think it’s great that she just happened to want a barn wedding and I want beach, so it just worked out perfectly, but she ended up picking the wedding colors I wanted to use. I was pretty bummed, but she was engaged first, and my new colors are starting to grow on me. I’ve been helping her with DIY projects and she says she plans on helping me with mine(I’m early in my planning still) and it’s worked out well because we both have totally different ideas and haven’t stepped on each other’s toes yet.

Post # 7
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

My cousin (who is essentially an older sister to me) got engaged two weeks before I did, and shortly after Fiance popped the question I had a moment of panic that she would be upset with me for somehow stealing her thunder. I texted her and told her what was up and how I felt about it. Her exact words were “I’m so excited that we get to do this together!” (She also knew about my engagement before I did thanks to my dad’s complete inability to keep a secret, haha.) 

Moral of the story: it might be a little uncomfortable for you, but ultimately it doesn’t matter. Either she is excited for you and you two enjoy it together, or she isn’t. If it bothers you – like it did me – communicate how you’re feeling AFTER you get engaged. I think it shows that you’re being thoughtful and concerned, but ultimately know that nothing she says/feels is going to alter the fact that you’re engaged, you’re excited, and your life is separate from her.

I don’t know if anyone else will agree, but I feel like the “thunder” is the announcement. As long as she got some attention out of her announcement and you don’t plan a wedding for the same day or something, there isn’t really thunder to steal. Am I alone in that feeling?

Post # 8
Member
6411 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
jesais:  I have never understood how someone can see it as stealing someone else’s thunder.  Does that mean no one else can get engaged or married until after she’s done both?  what about babies?  I don’t mean she’s being like this, I mean the general she.  If your friend is truly your friend, she’ll be happy for you, and it won’t matter to her that you got engaged.

Post # 9
Member
1839 posts
Buzzing bee

OK, nope. You can get engaged whenever you damn well please and IF she gets shitty over it then she probably isn’t that great of a friend. 

She got to tell everyone she is engaged, she will get an engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette and she will get a wedding. There is no way that you getting engaged will steal all that thunder from her. 

Post # 10
Member
99 posts
Worker bee

Don’t worry about this! If she’s a good friend, she’ll realize that A) you don’t have control over when your SO decides to pop the question and B) you’ve been waiting for this for a long time, so obviously you aren’t getting engaged just to steal her thunder. Even if she’s a little upset, hopefully she’ll realize how much fun it will be to have a partner in wedding planning. Also, I just want to say that you have such a great attitude about your friend’s engagement, and I bet she’s noticed that and will be happy for you too!

Post # 11
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

I would love for a good friend to get engaged right around the same time. I would love to have someone to plan with and I don’t like being the center of attention very much. It’s sweet of you to be concerned about her but it seems to me that either she will be a good friend and be kind to you whenever you get proposed to or she’s not worth worrying about. And maybe you’ll get lucky and she’s like me and would love a planning buddy.

Post # 12
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
jesais:  Don’t worry! She’s going to be so happy for you I bet. Some friends of ours got engaged 5 days befor our wedding and my knee jerk reaction was just pure delight for them.

Post # 13
Member
2451 posts
Buzzing bee

Omg! No we had that problem. My future brother in law proposed in Nov. And we got engaged in jan. The first thing they said to us was thanks for stealing our thunder! It drove me crazy that people think they get a ridiculous amount of “spotlight time” for an engagement. I mean honestly the first time you see your family or call them to let them know you got engaged, that’s the excitement that you get. It isn’t drawn out, it’s not that people aren’t excited for you, it just immediately goes into wedding mode. I say don’t worry about iT. There really isn’t “thunder” to steal anymore.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by  ahartig.
Post # 14
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

I have to admit I’ve never understood this concept. When I get engaged, someone else can announce their own engagement/ marriage/pregnancy/new job/ new home/ Nobel prize etc  a week, a day, an hour after me & I honestly don’t care. I think there’s more than enough goodwill to go around for everyone’s news. And even if others announce engagements right around the time we announce ours, it won’t make our own any less special. I certainly wouldn’t want someone else to postpone their own engagement to allow some arbitrary window of time to pass after our announcement. The only thing I can see is that if people plan on marrying around the same time and there will be a significant overlap of the guest lists, then it would make sense to make sure you’re not getting married on the same weekend.

Post # 15
Member
1552 posts
Bumble bee

You don’t have to put the progress of your own life on hold just because someone else got engaged. It doesn’t make their engagement any less special if you get engaged too.

The topic ‘Time between engagements….’ is closed to new replies.

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