Post # 1
been stalking these post for a while now and I figured I would post my question with hopes that anyone would have some advice for this very confused women!
Ok, I will start with my engagment ring story. When I was 19 my bf (now husband) bought me my perfect ring. He spent months saving for this amazing 3-stone princess cut that he helped the jeweler design. It took him almost a year to perfect this ring and pay it off. He did not ask me to marry him until this beauty was 100% his. Well I obviously said a big yes… well we got married and life was great! We were moving out of a rented house to move into our first home. During the move I noticed that my fingers were so swollen that my ring was digging into my finger, I absent minded took the ring off and put it into my pocket and forgot about the ring entirely until we were all moved. When I went to look for the ring oddly enough it was gone! I looked everywhere for this ring and it was no where to be found. I was so upset (as was my hubby) well after long talks with him I told him I didnt want another ring.
I found out a very short time later that I was pregnant (hence the swelling) I went my entire pregnancy without a ring, I thought about it often with sadness. well when my son was born my husband decided that the first thing he wanted was to buy me a new ring so he drove us straight from the hospital to the store where he bought my first ring and told me to pick out any ring that I wanted. Well here I was in the middle of amazing rings with no $ limit and decided to go with one of the cheaper rings ( $849 to be exact) I dont know what it was but this ring just called out to me. I loved the look of this adorable ring along with everything else about it. My husband had already spent more on a ring then I spent on my car so I didnt see a reason for another expensive ring considering I lost the first one. needless to say he was a little upset with my choice.
Fast forward to today. Five years later and my husband is on my case about getting an upgraded ring. He is a little weird about this whole thing. he feels like his wife deserves more then this ring he says “babe you are special and that ring doesnt do you justice”. Now dont get me wrong I would love to get another large ring and I would proudly show it, here is my issue though… I love my little cheaper ring. I know that this sounds silly but I could really care less about getting another big expensive ring. I have made a family with this ring on my hand. I am trying to convince him that if he wants me to have another ring that we should go with Mossy or look into Pawn shops. I would wear that ring around public but I cant part with this ring that I have. He comes from money where that is the stuff that matters and I come from no money where the ring my mom wears still today is a small gold plain band. She has been married to my dad for 40 year with that ring on her finger, while his mom has a whole display of expenisive rings and she has been married and divorced 3 times. He rings together seriousy cost more then my house does.
I know this all sounds a little strange but I am not a fancy girl lol I love diamonds as much as the next person I just have so much sentimental value tied up in my ring now that I cant even stand the thought of moving it to a different finger let alone shoving it in a box to live out its days. Am I crazy? I have my amazing husband that just wants to show me how much I deserve and I dont want that. And my goodness what couple fights about this? I mean isnt it usually the other way around?
My little cheapy ring with the little black dots that I see and everything is the one that I fell in love with! Do I allow my husband to spend more money on me and buy me a ring that he feels is right for me. I love this man more then anything so I want him to be happy and I know its not about the ring but about what is means, I think thats why this is all so confusing for me.
ok done with my rant… any advice would be great ladies thank you!
Post # 3
@libby328: Maybe come to a compromise and just upgrade the stone?
Post # 4
- Wedding: April 2012 - St. Philip Catholic Church/Arcadia Brewing Co.
Or maybe you could get an enhancer for the band? Or use the stone and band to be made into anouther band?
Post # 5
what does the ring look like? could it be a right-hand ring? if not, would your husband get you a right-hand ring instead? or just a very nice anniversary band?
Post # 6
@bookworm88: my ring is a cluster. I have thought about gutting the cluster and sticking one large diamond in there but when I spoke with a jeweler about this he said he didnt think it could be done. That is actually what my plan was the entire time. Now this just puts me back to square 1 UGH
Post # 7
you are not crazy to feel this way– you like what you like, and you have placed a lot of sentimental value on your ring.
you mentioned he comes from money and values his appearance to the outside world. I noticed that with some guys, a small ring on the wife’s hand is hard on his ego- some guys have to “keep up with the jonses”.
like @bookworm88: suggested– maybe let him buy you a new ring and then wear the old one on your right hand?
or have the old one turned into a necklace? I think a cluster would make a beautiful pendant.
OR ask him to buy you fabulous earrings or necklace instead of a new ring?
Post # 8
First off, I’m dying to see the ring you love because I just love all jewelry
Second, I think you and your husband need to REALLY talk about WHY you love this ring (it’s sentimental, it reminds you of the day you brought your baby home, etc.) and explain that you just can’t part with it. If he INSISTS on buying you a new bigger model, ask if you could wear the new one on your right hand? Or maybe make the new ring a blingy eternity band you can wear with your original? If he is hell-bent on buying you a new big diamond, and you have the financial resources to do it without hurting yourselves or going into debt, I say go for it as long as you get to keep the original ring as a keepsake…it sounds like spoiling you would make him really happy (which is just the cutest thing ever).
Post # 9
maybe you need an eternity band to go with it??
What about upgrading to a bigger moissanite? That way you’ll have a bigger stone for him to show off and a lower cost?
Post # 10
I think he needs to get it into his head that you love your ring as is and its sentimental value is far more important than having an upgraded version your husband considers “worthy” of you. Can’t he just buy you some other extravagant piece of jewelry and take you on a date night somewhere fancy to show it off?
Post # 11
Can your family afford it? If you can, let him buy you the ring but let him know you will continue to wear the ring you love and will only wear the other ring on special occassions. It sounds like this is really important to him.
Alternatively, tell him that you love the ring you have, and would prefer he buy a loose diamond for each of your children to put away for them. Or as other bees have mentioned, let him buy you some other jewelry.
I am totally like you–I tend to be pretty frugal. But my Fiance loves to buy jewelry, and came from a family that was very into conspicuous consumption and the message sent by jewelry, clothing, cars, etc. He feels like an expensive ring signals to others that a woman is “worth it” and it devestates him he can’t buy me the world. Of course, this is ridiculous on so many levels, but it makes sense on an emotional level as this is how he feels.
We compromised by picking out a budget engagement ring (that isn’t an engagement ring really at all), with the idea that in the future when we can truly afford it he gets to surprise me with a ring he picks out on the budget he wants (around 4-10k). Instead, we are saving for a house and kids.
Maybe this was the understanding your husband had. If you can really afford it (and don’t need the money for a house, college funds, retirement, savings, etc.) I say talk to him about why he wants to do it and what he is envisioning, and see if there is a way you can both agree on a plan.
Post # 12
First of all Thank you ladies for your advice…
My hubby does come from money, but he is a self made man (if that makes any sense) we have money but he worked his tail off for every cent. with that being said it confuses me why he wants to spend so much money on something like a ring. Men!!! I have no clue how to upload a picture but as soon as I figure it out I will 🙂 I plan on talking with him more about this when he gets back from work tonight! I am thinking he should take me to Paris instead lol
Post # 14
@libby328: yes! go to paris!!!
Post # 15
@libby328: Maybe compromise and let him get you a Right Hand Ring! The one you wear now (which, by the way, is beautiful) has so much meaning and is sentimental to you. I can see why you’d never want to take it off.
If you don’t want to drop a ton of cash on a ring, or if you don’t want another diamond, or even if you want something of quality with a lot of bling…I strongly recommend looking into moissanite. You’ll get the same look and more sparkle without the hefty price tag or questionable ethics.
There are a zillion threads on here on moissanite rings, and I’m not sure I’ve seen a bride unhappy with moissanite.
P.S. Your hubby sounds like a sweetie.
Post # 16
@libby328: That’s perfect! Have him take you on vacation instead!