- 11 months ago
girlfriendphd : I saw on the waiting list that you had gotten engaged and remembered your screenname for a reason (I am also getting a PhD) but more specifically because of this original post.
Firstly, congratulations! I am glad to hear you are happy with your decision. There have been things early in my relationship with my SO that drove me away but I came back and am happier than ever so I understand where you are coming from.
But… what ever went down with that coworker that confessed her feelings, the one he was fantasizing about? Did you guys ever resolve that issue? For me personally, I would have a really hard time letting that go.
2cents : I didn’t see your comment earlier, but I commented about this in another thread. I did end up talking to him about it again because I wasn’t happy with how we left it. I was concerned that he still thought I was suspicious of him physically cheating or romancing her, so in his mind he was in the clear because he didn’t do that.
I went through piece by piece what bothered me about his behavior and kept at it when he got defensive. I felt like I was able to get through to him that I wasn’t accusing him of imagined things that he didn’t do; I was bothered by what he actually did. At that point he stopped defending their friendship and subsequently deleted his social media on his own, and I was satisfied with that.
I’m not concerned about the former coworker anymore because he has seen how she lost interest in him completely after finding a boyfriend. No more ego boost there. One can hope this situation has turned him off from these sorts of friendships in general. I’m not going to forbid him from being friends with women altogether, because I know he is capable of totally platonic friendships. But I am no longer going to be oblivious if he starts acting odd again. He knows specifically what my boundaries are now, so what was a gray area last year is more clear to me now.
It has changed the way I think about him, but so has a lot of the stuff from the past year. I look at how things are now and see that I’m content with it, even though there has been disappointment. I also think it’s a good thing that I took the leap to pursue more help for myself.