(Closed) Time you did/should have taken before friends/family visit you after birth

posted 4 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 32
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Only dh or mom at delivery room, don’t need anyone to see my messed up body. I  needed  a least one day to pull myself together. After birth I felt and looked like shit, a hot mess…

Post # 33
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee

When I had my 1st baby my husband, my parents and my sister were there. It’s one of the most difficult things you’ll ever do and you need your people by your side. I know you envision these quiet blissful moments after your baby is born but you’ll be dozing off REPEATEDLY. Let them come in and enjoy the baby. It isn’t just about you and hubby giving birth, you’re adding a new FAMILY member and other people want to and need to be a part of that bonding process. If anyone ever gives me a grandbaby, swords will be drawn if they pull this. I don’t need to see her shoot out or anything (although I’d love being a part of that process as well) but I have no intentions on sitting down the hall waiting an hour or two or three or until the next day when I can be conveniently accomodated. I tell my children all the time, “Don’t get cute with me because you’re married now. I grew you right here (points to belly).” It generally works.

Post # 34
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m not pregnant yet, but ttc.  Darling Husband and I have talked about this.  I’m hoping to get in with a midwife for my pregnancy and would like to deliver at their birth center, which doesn’t have a place for visitors, there’s only room for those assisting with delivery and you go home shortly after.  Even if I end up in the hospital, here in Canada your are typically discharged within 24 hours (or less) of the birth unless there are complications.  Logistically, it would just be way too much of a headache to orchestrate visitors. 

My family is long distance, so they wouldn’t be planning a trip until baby is already here.  DH’s family is local, but we haven’t spoken to them in over a year, so there’s no way I’d want them all up in my business within hours if delivery.  What we’ve (tentatively – you never know ’til you’re there) decided is to not tell anyone until after baby has arrived and we’ve been given the all-clear that everything is good.  Then we will go home and get settled in and see how things go.  After the first day or two, but definitely still in the first week, we would have friends/family come for short (15-20 minute) visits to meet the new arrival.  I’m hoping my mom would be able to come and stay for a week or so about two weeks later (when Darling Husband would have to go back to work).

I’m usually a pretty private person, but who knows, maybe I’ll want to show LO off to the world right away!

Post # 35
Member
3378 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Beforehand, I thought I wanted only myself and Darling Husband in the delivery room, and at least an hour before any visitors were allowed in (and then only my parents).  Well, my labor ended up being much longer and harder than I expected.  When I had finally been transferred to a new labor room and had an epidural placed (after more than 24 hours of back labor), I asked my mom to be there as support during the delivery.  Both my husband and I were happy afterward that she was there – she was a very calm and supportive presence (which I needed during my 3.5 hours of pushing).  Afterward, I ended up having a little skin to skin, but I invited my parents in while I was nursing her, and they were thrilled to be there to watch and take photos while she was cleaned, checked out, and measured by the nursery staff.  Then we ended up having a close friend come by and bring us coffee and treats maybe only an hour or two after she was born (and he actually helped us move to our recovery room and hung out with us for a little bit once we got settled there).

So, our real experience was totally different than I had planned and wanted, but it turned out great for us!  I think you really need to just be open to see how you feel in the moment, and have the expectation that you can change your mind if you end up wanting something different.

Post # 36
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

leilarobs2:  Wow. No. Sorry. I totally get wanting to meet the baby in the hospital in general but if I didn’t create the baby it’s not my place to say when and where I get to be when that baby is born. If my sister has a baby and chooses not to have us at the hospital until the next day, I will respect that. It’s HER baby and she will have worked her butt off to deliver that baby, not me. I don’t think anyone ‘deserves’ to see the baby right away. I apologize if I’m coming off rude but that’s ridiculous. Mommy and daddy bonding takes precidence over grandma/aunt/uncle bonding… 100% — sorry.

Post # 37
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

And I’m not sure about everyone else but 2 hours after birth I was still pouring blood out my hoo-ha and wearing an ice diaper. We had family there a couple hours after birth and I regret it. I wish I would have considered myself and the baby first and let us relax and have time together, get cleaned up and have had snuggle time before people rushed in asking to hold her and kiss on her. I’m not saying that’s the only way to do it, if someone chooses to have someone in the room moments after, that’s their proagative, but only if that is what mom and dad want.

Post # 39
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m pregnant with my first and I don’t plan on telling anyone when I go into labor, except my parents so they can take care of our dog.  If I can get away with it, I won’t tell anyone else until we’re settled at home.  I only visit people in the hospital if they are there long term or need some cheering up.  Being there 1-2 days after actually giving birth isn’t enough time to warrant visitors.  Luckily, my parents are super respectful and won’t come to the hospital unless I ask them to (and they would probably think it was weird of me to ask them to come, even after birth).

But, you have to do what’s right for you and it depends on how respectful your family will be.  Can you let them know you’re going into labor and you’ll need a few hours alone after – that you will let them know when the baby is born so they can start the 2 hour drive?

Post # 40
Member
766 posts
Busy bee

mckeestephanie:  I can’t speak to personal experience giving birth, but I’m a little surprised to see the answers so overwhelmingly leading toward holding off a long time on visitors!  I’ve visited at least 3 friends in the hospital either the day of or day after birth – at their invitation, not my request!  I just point this out to say that everyone is different.  You probably already have a sense of your level of comfort with having people in your space, I would go with that instinct and just warn them that depending on how the birth goes, you may or may not want visitors right away.

Post # 41
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

leilarobs2:  Oh boy… I totally disagree with this. No one needs to be part of the bonding process but the parents of the baby… If my Mother-In-Law insisted on being in the room during the birth / immediately afterward… HELL no.

Post # 42
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

My first is due in November, but I’ve been thinking about this since SIL got bombarded at the hospital last year.  My husband got a pic texted to him of baby covered in goo, and mom (his SISTER) topless, and he was super grossed out that his mom took that pic and sent it to him.  Pretty sure SIL didn’t consent to that, either.

We live an hour away from the ILs and my dad, and about 3 hours away from my mom.  I’m hoping to keep them all away until I’m already in the hospital (with my mom that might be impossible….), and only have Darling Husband let them know what’s up when I’m pushing, so hopefully by the time they get there kid will be born.  And no one is allowed in the room until we’re all cleaned and showered and fed, however long that takes.  I also hope that it keeps them away if its a stupid hour, so I can sleep a bit too.  I’m not allowing anyone other than parents visit us in the hospital at all.

Post # 43
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Well we didn’t have anyone at the hospital when I was in labor. Actually we didn’t even call my husbands family for fear of them just showing up. My daughter was born at 1:54pm and it was almost 4pm by the time I was even able to call my mom to come meet her. you have to deliver the placenta, get stitches if you need them and they have to do a slew of things to the baby. You will want time to bond, do skin on skin and breastfeed if you choose. Also not sure if you will have a delivery room and be moved to a mother baby room afterwards but that could affect time. Afterwards my mom and sister came that night and that was it. We saved the next day for everyone else to visit and for my mom and dad to come back and visit. I say wait and see how you feel. You may want them right away or may want to wait. i will say the one good thing about hospital visits, people don’t stay long!

Post # 44
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

leilarobs2:  yea no. Good luck to my Future Mother-In-Law if she tries to pull this. 

I appreciate that this (when it happens) would be her first and only chance at grandkids – however… my baby. My hoo haa. My experience. she waits until i say she can come in. 

Post # 45
Member
3755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

leilarobs2:  Wow… just.. no. After delivery I was absolutely not just nodding off letting people visit with the baby. HA! Yeah right! I was trying to breastfeed constantly, being checked by the nurses and doctor. And quite frankly, it IS just about me, my husband and this new life WE have created. This baby that we have to get to know and learn how to take care of! It’s a very intimate moment in time and not one you get to recreate. There are plenty of days ahead to accommodate the FAMILY. Immediately after giving birth is not one of them. That is how YOU chose to handle your labor and delivery, it is absolutely not what’s right for everyone.

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