- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
At my hospital, we transport patients to the post-partum unit 2 hours after delivery. I usually recommend to wait until the patient is transported to allow other family members to visit for a few reasons.
Right after delivery, if a flood of people come in to see the baby, it makes it a lot harder to do my job as a nurse. Because a quick peek at the baby always turns into parents hanging around for at least 20 minutes and, honestly, getting in my way of taking care of you and the baby. Also, after delivery the nurses will be uncovering you to do fundal checks (which your dad probably won’t want to see lol), you will be pretty much topless learning how the breastfeed, and the room will be a bloody mess.
Once you have fed the baby for the first time, gotten up to the bathroom and cleaned up, and I’ve had time to tidy the room and give report to the post-partum nurse, I think that’s a good time for family to come in (if they can stand to wait that long!). Most parents agree that having those first two hours alone is perfect and it will really fly by- it will feel more like 30 minutes than 2 hours!
My sister called our family and her husbands family on their way to the hospital and told us to come on! We all hung out in the waiting room while she labored, and ehen she was ready to push she had the nurse call my mom into the room. As soon as she was stitched up and the baby cleaned up, my brother-in-law came to get the rest of us (8 adults and his 2 and 5 year old nephews). I was so glad to be able to be there!
Just FYI you can always register private at the hospital if you have relatives you think won’t respect your boundaries. That way if they call the hospital they will not be told you are there.
Frankly if I had a Mother-In-Law or even my mom that INSISTED she be right there afterwards, I wouldn’t even call to tell her I was in labor. Rude and disrespectful IMO.
I’ve had a laparoscopy before, and even the 3 little 1/2″ incisions into my abdomen were enough to make me super sore, so I can only imagine what I’ll be feeling after a caesarian.
ETA: people saying that family is important, and all that jazz. No one is saying it isn’t. But there will be time to hold and play with and love on the baby for years and years. I think that the mother deserves some private time after she’s just gone through one of the most physically draining experiences of her life.
Will be this situation in a few months and honestly I’ve seen far too many dramatic extreme approaches it seems people loose any sort of sense.
For starters mum needs to relax after such an ordeal. It’s also vital for the mums and baby to have some skin on skin and first breastfeeding comfortably and as relaxed. Waiting a few hours should not be that much of an inconvenience for anyone especially if it’s for the wellbeing of the baby. Give them some alone time and let mum relax a bit and freshen up.
Likewise I do think not letting grandparents see the new family member (key here, it’s not only your kid its a new family member. remember the saying it takes a village?) for days on end especially if you let one set in and not another, UNLESS there are medical complications/issues, is uncalled for and honestly selfish. Yes you may be tired but a short visit (again key!! Visitors should make the visit short schedule small groups 30 min or more depending on how you feel, and for God sake ask the mum how’s she’s doing and not just charge to the baby) is not that much of a hassle and this comes from several chats I’ve had with a variety of mums some who had hard labour a (significantly long layouts, forceps/medical intervention, third degree rips etc).
If people can’t respect these common sense decency points then yes talk to s nurse and don’t tell antone you’re in labour and announce solely when you are ready to see people.
Echoing others, but since you can’t plan on a specific type of birth (it could take hours, it could take minutes, you could need a C-section, breastfeeding might not go as planned, etc. etc.), your best bet is to not call anyone until you want them there. So just tell DH not to call/text anyone that you’re in labor or have had the baby until you’re ready.
The time at which you deliver/ your hospital visiting hours may dictate this for you. DD was born at 9pm and both sets of grandparents visited the next day after lunch, about two hours apart. And, I had to “kick” my in-laws out almost immediately, as we were having trouble breast feeding and the lactation consultant was making her rounds (I was okay nursing in front of mom, but not the in-laws-they went down to the cafeteria with DH for a bit)
I’d tell the grandparents you’ll advise when you’re going into labor, and that you’ll let them know when you’re ready for visitors (or if you have an after-hours birth like mine, tell them when to arrive.)
Just as a side note to a couple people’s posts, I would not ask my immediate family or DH’s immediate family to wait a day or more. I have talked to my parents and my in-laws and they are all respectful in the fact that it will just be DH and I and that we want some time on own to meet the baby.
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