(Closed) Time you did/should have taken before friends/family visit you after birth

posted 5 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 46
Member
920 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

leilarobs2:  I couldn’t possibly disagree more.  And if my mother in law or mother threw a fit about not being in the room minutes after I give birth, I would think so much less of them.  This is our time to bond w our new baby. No matter how long birth was, no matter if it’s a csection or vaginal- you work hard for that baby. My mother and my mother in law didnt work hard, didn’t sweat and cry, didn’t vomit for 9 months for this baby.  If you want to meet my new baby, you can do so when I want you to.  Im not selfish and it sounds like most of the girls on this board dont intend to be either.   W my first baby- my in laws and parents waited from 8 pm until 1 am.  We had our baby at 11 pm.  So they waited in a hospital waiting roon for 5 hours, 2 hours w the baby already being born and we still felt rushed to allow them in the room to meet her.   They didn’t stay very long at all and didn’t complain a bit about us having 2 hours to ourselves while they sat on hard plastic chairs in the waiting room while we cried, took videos, nursed, and cleaned her up. 

Post # 47
Member
2492 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

At my hospital, we transport patients to the post-partum unit 2 hours after delivery. I usually recommend to wait until the patient is transported to allow other family members to visit for a few reasons.

Right after delivery, if a flood of people come in to see the baby, it makes it a lot harder to do my job as a nurse. Because a quick peek at the baby always turns into parents hanging around for at least 20 minutes and, honestly, getting in my way of taking care of you and the baby. Also, after delivery the nurses will be uncovering you to do fundal checks (which your dad probably won’t want to see lol), you will be pretty much topless learning how the breastfeed, and the room will be a bloody mess.

Once you have fed the baby for the first time, gotten up to the bathroom and cleaned up, and I’ve had time to tidy the room and give report to the post-partum nurse, I think that’s a good time for family to come in (if they can stand to wait that long!). Most parents agree that having those first two hours alone is perfect and it will really fly by- it will feel more like 30 minutes than 2 hours!

Post # 48
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee

mckeestephanie:  That’s not my input as a grandmother. I have no grandchildren. That’s my input as a mother who has given birth repeatedly. It’s all about family with us. You will need each other over the next 20 years. My mother loves to tell the children things that start with “I remember the day you were born…” Hopefully yours will be able to do that too! Or not. Not my business. When my daughters give birth, if I still have breath in my body I’ll be right there. They wouldn’t have it any other way. As for my SON’S wife…ehhh…I’ll wait in the waiting room (for a LITTLE while). He’s only 12 though. We have time on that one 😉

Post # 49
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

My sister called our family and her husbands family on their way to the hospital and told us to come on! We all hung out in the waiting room while she labored, and ehen she was ready to push she had the nurse call my mom into the room. As soon as she was stitched up and the baby cleaned up, my brother-in-law came to get the rest of us (8 adults and his 2 and 5 year old nephews). I was so glad to be able to be there!

Post # 50
Member
9495 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Just FYI you can always register private at the hospital if you have relatives you think won’t respect your boundaries. That way if they call the hospital they will not be told you are there.

Frankly if I had a Mother-In-Law or even my mom that INSISTED she be right there afterwards, I wouldn’t even call to tell her I was in labor. Rude and disrespectful IMO.

Post # 51
Member
320 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

mckeestephanie:  I am not planning on letting anyone visit us in the hospital other than my parents/sister/grandma.  I’d prefer everyone else wait until we get home.  However, people can call/text to ask if they can stop by and if I do feel up to it (or if i am there more than a day after delivery) then I may let them.  I just am not expecting anyone to come and will appreciate some quiet and alone time with Darling Husband and baby.  That being said, if all goes smoothly and I want company, then I’ll reach out to a few close friends and let them know that they can stop by. I just do not want people planning/expecting to be there.

Post # 52
Member
2257 posts
Buzzing bee

mckeestephanie:  I’m NPNT, still engaged, but I already talked to my Future Mother-In-Law and Fiance about this. Because I will most likely have to have a c-section (medical reasons), I won’t be wanting to see anyone but nurses, my then-husband and baby until the next day. My Future Mother-In-Law and I agree that no one else needs to be there for the birth but my husband, and a night’s rest is what’s going to be needed after a c-section for me.

I’ve had a laparoscopy before, and even the 3 little 1/2″ incisions into my abdomen were enough to make me super sore, so I can only imagine what I’ll be feeling after a caesarian.

ETA: people saying that family is important, and all that jazz. No one is saying it isn’t. But there will be time to hold and play with and love on the baby for years and years. I think that the mother deserves some private time after she’s just gone through one of the most physically draining experiences of her life.

Post # 53
Member
320 posts
Helper bee

Isabelle663:  Thank you for a nurse’s perspective!That is actually one of the most helpful posts I’ve seen because I really had not thought of the difficulties visitors might cause hospital staff if they arrive too quickly.

Post # 54
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Will be this situation in a few months and honestly I’ve seen far too many dramatic extreme approaches it seems people loose any sort of sense.

For starters mum needs to relax after such an ordeal.  It’s also vital for the mums and baby to have some skin on skin and first breastfeeding comfortably and as relaxed.  Waiting a few hours should not be that much of an inconvenience for anyone especially if it’s for the wellbeing of the baby.  Give them some alone time and let mum relax a bit and freshen up.

Likewise I do think not letting grandparents see the new family member (key here, it’s not only your kid its a new family member. remember the saying it takes a village?) for days on end especially if you let one set in and not another, UNLESS there are medical complications/issues, is uncalled for and honestly selfish.  Yes you may be tired but a short visit (again key!! Visitors should make the visit short schedule small groups 30 min or more depending on how you feel, and for God sake ask the mum how’s she’s doing and not just charge to the baby) is not that much of a hassle and this comes from several chats I’ve had with a variety of mums some who had hard labour a (significantly long layouts, forceps/medical intervention, third degree rips etc).

If people can’t respect these common sense decency points then yes talk to s nurse and don’t tell antone you’re in labour and announce solely when you are ready to see people.  

Post # 55
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Echoing others, but since you can’t plan on a specific type of birth (it could take hours, it could take minutes, you could need a C-section, breastfeeding might not go as planned, etc. etc.), your best bet is to not call anyone until you want them there. So just tell Darling Husband not to call/text anyone that you’re in labor or have had the baby until you’re ready. 

Post # 56
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

The time at which you deliver/ your hospital visiting hours may dictate this for you. Dear Daughter was born at 9pm and both sets of grandparents visited the next day after lunch, about two hours apart. And, I had to “kick” my in-laws out almost immediately, as we were having trouble breast feeding and the lactation consultant was making her rounds (I was okay nursing in front of mom, but not the in-laws-they went down to the cafeteria with Darling Husband for a bit)

I’d tell the grandparents you’ll advise when you’re going into labor, and that you’ll let them know when you’re ready for visitors (or if you have an after-hours birth like mine, tell them when to arrive.)

 

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