Post # 1
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
Moved out after 3yrs because of no committment on his end but now I have a dilema. He thinks we’re on a “break” but I’ve explained that I have no interest in getting back together unless there is a ring and date,more involvement with my daugher and a family operating more as ONE unit not yours and mine crap(seperate accounts,seperate car policies,seperate cell phone bills blah blah blah). I felt like a roomate with benefits!! If we’re gonna live together it should all be shared in my opinion. He was burned from a 20yr marriage in which she cheated and is afraid I’ll burn him. He can’t use this as an excuse forever,besides haven’t I proven myself over 3yrs???? With that all said I told him I would go to dinner with him to give him an opportunity to express whatever it may be that he needed to say in 2wks. I also said we will discuss whether or not to continue to date or not. I’m torn with this “dating” because we’ve done that for 3yrs. I’m afraid he’ll get too “comfortable” with dating and not step up the relationship where I’d like it to be. I told him I’ll go out with him but I’m not going to sleep with him because then he’ll be having his cake and eating to still!!! I think he’ll do the right thing but I’m scared of trusting him again and getting hurt if the proposal doesn’t come. What to do????? I’m giving him 2-3mths to propose. Do you bees think I’m making the right decision? My parents(even though I’m 34 LOL)don’t seem to be crazy about him which makes it even more complicated(they’ve just seen him hurt me) He’s my best friend and someone I can always count on. He just needs to dump his prior baggage and move on which I guess he’s working on.
Post # 3
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
Good for you for moving out! I definitely admire you sticking up for yourself.
But….my advice is KEEP STICKING UP FOR YOURSELF! This whole thing about “getting burned”, you’re right he can’t use that as an excuse forever. And he needs to figure it out. And he’ll figure it out more quickly if you stay separated.
I’m a little confused becuase on one hand you say you’ve told him you have no interest in getting back together, then you say you’ll give him 2-3 months to propose? Really?!?! Breakups suck but if you’re serious about having what you deserve in a relationship, you’ve got to genuinely move on with your life now. Either he’ll figure it out and come back to chase you down with a ring, or he won’t. And you know you deserve someone who’s crazy about you and will commit to you.
My 2 cents:
Don’t contact him. Don’t get back together with him. No kissing, no sex, nothing. If he doesn’t show up at your door with a ring I would absolutely not trust him to be in a relationship with you again and risk getting hurt. You are 100% right to be afraid of getting hurt. Trust your intuition on this one.
Post # 4
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
I remember your previous posts and I say good for you for moving out.
Your ex can not be 100% with you if he’s still so hurt by what another woman did to him that he doesn’t trust you after all these years.
And you deserve someone to be with you 100%. I mean, yeah he’s been hurt before. He has baggage. WHO DOESN’T???
You being out of the house will either make him realize that he needs to snap out of it because he’s losing you, or it will confirm that he is not ready to commit yet.
I agree with DreamingBee, I would not date him at all if I were you. You made your feelings clear, now if he wants to do something about it, it’s in his hands… In the meantime, if you date him and he’s not ready to commit, you are not moving on and making yourself emotionally available for a man who would be ready for you and amazing and all that.
Post # 5
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
I agree with you guys all though how will this work, he’ll just show up with a ring without talking to me or seeing me all this time??? I’m saying a want a committment so how do I go about giving him that opportunity to prove himself?? I’ve been talking and texting him on the phone but haven’t seen him and don’t plan on it for 2wks. we set a date when I left giving him an opportunity to express his feelings on that particular day over dinner (definetly NO sex!!!! sticking to that one!) If he’s serious about us I should be expecting a proposal on that date? Kinda confused……
Post # 6
Member
3575 posts
Sugar bee
I agree with all of the above posts. Try and stick to your guns. I wouldn’t even call/text him. I didn’t meet the right guy until I was 33. And prior to that, my parents did not like one guy I dated. So I can relate to you on that one!
Anyway, did you give him the deadline date? I mean, do you want to be engaged to him or just engaged?
Post # 7
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
Honey, if he wants to commit to you, he will figure out how to do it. By trying to leave all doors open for him and dating him, you are doing the work for him. Believe me, if he wants to marry you and realizes that he doesn’t want to live without you, HE will call to say he’s sorry and needs to speak to you and see you or show up on your doorstep.
You have done more than your part here.
Post # 9
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
@egb: agreed.
No need to talk and text. He’s had years of talking and texting. Take care of yourself now and move on.
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