Post # 31
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
What do you do in the new year? You hang out with your friends, you remember who you are as a woman and not as a ‘we’.
Stop letting him play with your ball on his court. You’ve been playing his game for how long now? Take back your ball, go find your court, and never ever give your all to someone else without giving your all to yourself first. You don’t remember what it’s like being single, you don’t remember who you were. Go find that person and learn to value yourself again.
Dont wait! Imagine standing in line and it’s not moving. All the other lines are moving. When do you get out of your line and try a different one? Every day you’re just standing there waiting for him to call your number. Stop it! YOU make this decision because YOU are not getting your needs met not because HE missed a deadline and doesn’t value you enough.
Post # 32
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
Thanks so much. That hit home! Supernurse :
Post # 33
Member
2507 posts
Sugar bee
Look.
This man told you WHEN YOU STARTED DATING that he never wanted to marry.
Since you started bringing it up a year ago, he has been resistant every step of the way.
4 months ago he straight up TOLD YOU he DID NOT WANT TO MARRY YOU.
In late August you learned he hadn’t even bought the ring yet, even though he had the money to.
Now there are 3 weeks left in December, and you are SURPRISED he hasn’t proposed yet???
The writing has been on the wall from the very beginning.
I advised you 4 months ago to STOP listening to his words and start watching his actions. Your reply was to insist he is a “man of his word.” OK. Do you still think he’s a man of his word?
It’s not looking good.
For the New Year, you should buy a WHOLE bunch of books focused on being a Bad B*tch, deprogramming from being “The Nice Girl”, and how to set high expectations of the men you’ll allow to take up your valuable time.
Post # 34
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
Thanks… first of all he didn’t say he didn’t want to marry ME he just didn’t want to get married in general as in he’s be happy not being married to ANYONE. Take that whichever way you would like and I know it hurt me, I am not that silly and it does play in the back of my mind.
I have also had multiple people say to me to wait out the timeline. I gave him 12 months so I will give him 12 months… it sucks and it hurts but that’s what I decided to do. I sound like I am stupid but I really am not that stupid deep down, naive I think, but I am not stupid and he knows he has no more chances with me.
i honestly feel like sometimes people don’t understand what it’s like to be in this kind of position where you have shared your life with someone for six years, you are now in your late 20s and are in this predicament. Do you throw all that away when otherwise the relationship is good? Do you remain cautiously optimistic like I have? I don’t know what to do I have never been in this position before and this position sucks. I understand what you are trying to say and I value your opinion, it’s just hard when you are knee deep in this mess to see clearly.
duchessgummybunns :
Post # 35
Member
626 posts
Busy bee
i wouldnt wait any longer. stop caring for his feelings when he clearly doesnt care for yours.
“hey i want to circle back on a future marriage, . is this something you want with me? if not i need to go out and stop wasting my time”
everything esle is an excuse. walmart rings are 20 buck and getting married at the court is 90. EVERYTHING else is a bs reason why he is stalling.
you deserve to be able to take ahpd of your future. these are your golden years.
Post # 36
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
Of course we understand what it’s like to have all that time invested in someone. Everyone does, they e even done studies on it. It’s called a sunk cost fallacy.
Dom’t think our advice comes from a place that doesn’t understand. ❤️
Post # 38
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
Thank you. I have tried to think of any reason why he wouldn’t have done it by now but there really isn’t any reason why than he clearly doesn’t want to and is dragging his feet… thanks for replying. dreeceves :
Post # 39
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
Give him the rest of the year, since that makes you feel better. Break up with him on Jan1, 2019. Don’t delay it, by that date he’s had his time and elected to do nothing. Your first duty is to yourself and the relationship is going to continue to drag you down the more you wait for a proposal that may never come. It’s hard but you owe it to yourself.
Post # 40
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
So sorry to hear you’re in this predicament, bee. I gave my FH a timeline of 2 years before we even became exclusive. I told him if we’re going to become a couple he needs to accept that he’s got 2 years to propose because I’m not interested in being a professional girlfriend. He started bringing up marriage 1.5 years in and has already purchased my ring.
My advice to you is to walk away while you can. He’s shown you for the better half of a decade who he is and you keep coming back for more despite it being incompatible with what you want. Don’t end up like my friend – she spent 12 years with someone who from the very beginning told her he didn’t want marriage or children despite wanting those things for herself.
Now she’s in her 40’s having an impossible time dating and trying to conceive via spermbank and IVF. Honestly, it sounds miserable AF and all I can think is how stupid she was to walk right into this kind of life with all the warning signs in the world.
Run while you can and take ownership of your time in your next relationship. Wishing you all the luck in the world!
Post # 41
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
Well it makes sense. He’s away for 2 of the 3 weeks left of the year… he’s home for 6 days then goes back just before the New Year so it’s alright for me to wait out the whole of the 12 months… but I clearly have some deciding to do and to be honest I feel sick about it all. Another poster just said it’s been half a decade and wow I didn’t realise over half a decade is gone. It is very hard but yes I do need to look after myself. sunburn :
Post # 42
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
As Ariana Grande said, “thank u, next”
That’s what you should do with this one. I wasted five years with someone myself and I know how much it sucks but do what you have to do for yourself. You’re gonna drive yourself crazy with this. I’ve had my fair share of jackasses in between, but with the advice of some of these brilliant ladies, I gave someone a chance I never thought I’d date and we are seriously so happy and on the same exact page with everything. Would you really wanna marry someone you had to push to do so? I can’t imagine that will feel well.
Post # 43
Member
39 posts
Newbee
I am in the same boat as you! This is what you should do-start making plan B in case he doesn’t propose by Dec 31st and in the meantime enjoy what time you have left together. If he proposes bye Dec 31st great if not you break up and move on without him. That is my plan!
Post # 44
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
I agree with @sunburn. Give him until January 1. Then move on. This man doesn’t want to marry you. You can’t force that. You have different life goals and you shouldn’t compromise on what you want the rest of your life to look like based on how you feel now or what you put in in the past. Think about it this way, would you want to give 7, 8, 9, 10, 15, 20, 30, 40… years to a man who doesn’t want to marry you and will probably never marry you? Don’t waste another year on him.
Post # 45
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
Do you think your partner will propose by end of year? Over Christmas? How long was your timeline? newyorkweddingbee :
Member