Post # 1
So, SO and I have known each other for 8.5 years and living together for over 4 years. He is 30, I am 26. We have a very beautiful relationship and he is very sweet and kind. We did the ring shopping thing and in September, while I was away on business, he called my mother to ask her opinion on a ring. My mom told my aunt who let it slip and told me. Since then, I have considered myself to be in “waiting” mode. My birthday came in October — no ring. Christmas and New Years came and went — no ring. I have become more and more resentful because SO make plans for the future, but has yet to put a ring on it. When I have asked about a timeline in the past, he has given me the typical response I read all over these boards — “I want it to be a surprise”. So, of course, I am thinking it could happen at any moment.
Finally, last night, after seeing a beautiful baby in a commercial I said, “I can’t wait to have a baby”. Mind you, my SO is in love with children and talks about our future baby all the time. I then asked him, “when are you planning to propose so we can start having little ones?”. I FINALLY GOT A HONEST TIMELINE. His response was, “there are a lot of things we need to do this year….I need a better paying job….we want a bigger place…so until that is secure we can’t talk about a ring.” I was floored, but my gut feeling had been right. I didn’t argue, but he could tell I was disappointed.
I am so ready to move on. The reason being, I feel duped into thinking he has been saving all this time and I have been waiting like a dummy. He hasn’t prioritized this and although he could be making more, combined we make over 100k a year. I love him more than ANYTHING and can’t even imagine being with someone else. But, ALL this freaking time, I thought he was planning for the “right moment”. My mom even thought it was coming for my birthday and he told her he had “a plan”.
I don’t trust him anymore…
Post # 3
I’m sorry, I never understood how people that wnated to get engaged would leave when the other person wasn’t ready…until I was there. I don’t have much advice other than to give my sympathy and understanding.
and if it was my SO that said “another year” I’d be out of there like you are saying
Post # 4
Is it possible he already bought the ring and he’s telling you this so you don’t think about it/expect it because he’s planning on making it a huge surprise? Could he be lying I mean, giving you BS reasons why it’s put off, so you assume it’s not happening soon?
Post # 5
I can see how that would seem really disappointing. And I felt really bad until you said he told your mom he had a plan. Now, obviously I don’t know how that came about, but I can’t imagine any sane person lying to someone’s parents like that. Had your story ended with, he said he wants x, y, z done first it would have sounded normal, disappointing but normal. But to tell your mom he has a plan? I smell something. Don’t get too down. If it’s affordable and you’re at that point there is a chance he could be working on something but doesn’t want you to catch wind.Which would explain why he would tell your mom he was working on something but told you the opposite. Hang in there. 🙂
Post # 6
I am waiting, and like you, the waiting is driving me nuts. Do I love SO any less? Absolutely not. Will I continue to love him if an engagement doesn’t happen soon? You bet (though I’ll still be flippin’ anxious!). Your SO wants you guys to be at the best spot possible. He’s thinking logically because he loves you, and wants to give you want you want/need. Appreciate the fact that he is pondering and planning for your future, while also realizing the stress of expenses. (SO and I are in a similar situation…I put myself in line by reminding myself that, if I get what I want (read: ring), he will become stressed over the financial side of things, which isn’t good for us as a couple). It is tough love, but you have to focus on the good within the terrible rollercoaster of waiting. You’re in good company while you wait 🙂
Post # 7
@love108: That’s what my Fiance did. I was crushed when he told me it would be a while longer than our timeline. I kind of wanted to kill him when he proposed (in the nicest, most loving way possible) but it was a surprise to say the least.
But it’s sort of false hope to suggest that’s the scenerio. If he says it’s not coming she should take that at face value. OP, do what you need to do! I’m sorry for the disappointment.
Post # 8
I find that most men want to be SOOOOO financially “set” and responsible before proposing. It drives me nuts because I think that’s completely not related lol. You definitely need to be financially good if you want to have a big blow out wedding, but not to propose! But a ring it on mannn!! Lol you know? Women have a completely different mind set. We just want our love to be solidified and committed…that’s all. I wonder if he’s just not trying to throw you off track ! ?
Post # 9
@Beeyoutifully Me: I’m sorry to hear what you’re gong through and can completely understand your decision. Whatever you decide I wish you luck and much happiness
Post # 10
I have a feeling it will be sooner than you think. I don’t think he would tell your mom “he had a plan” if he wasn’t planning for it to happen soon. I’m hoping for a positive update on this! 🙂
Post # 11
Oh, God. That is so frustrating!
My SO pulls the “when I do xyz” card all the time. We also make 100 K a year combined. There is never a good time to get married. Someone will always be sick. There will always be more money to be made. There will always be a better house to buy, blah blah blah. If we are going to be together regardless, what’s the difference if we make things official now WHILE we do “xyz” TOGETHER as a married couple? So annoying!
My proposal is being put off while my SO recovers from cancer. I am totally fine with that, but before he got sick, he said he had to make more money first, get promoted and finish grad school. I told him that when that happens, I will be 36 and headed towards infertility, and that is a big risk. He is going to do it sooner, but still needs to make more money first via his promotion. I offered to work 10 hours a week at Dunkin Donuts so we can have “more money” and he laughed it off. I was serious!
Post # 12
@MissTX: I feel the same way! Yeah, sure, be financially set for the wedding…but not to propose, come on!!! We’re waiting and waiting, and waiting!!!! It’s so frustrating, and they don’t get it….
Post # 13
I am in the same boat as you OP. It’s so frustrating….I’d have dates in my head that I thought he was going to do it…they all passed and I’m still waiting. I have found out through friends that he had a “plan”, and still….nothing. He does have a ring picked out and makes mentions about money and how we have a lot of things to pay for…but we too, are in a similar financial boat as you in terms of salaries…so what’s the hold up!??!!?!? I just don’t get it…I wish he could be in my head for just one day, so he would know I feel and how it feels to wait to move on with my life…I bet if he did that, he’d propose a lot quicker lol. Good luck, I hope it happens soon for you!!
Post # 14
What ended up happening? Has he proposed yet? Did you stay with him?
Post # 15
@Beeyoutifully Me: I think that waiting sucks, and i truly hope you get your dream proposal soon ~fingers crossed~