Post # 1
So just some background my SO and I have been thinking about being engaged for quite a while, and he ordered my ring on thursday. We went home to my mom’s house this weekend and he was excited so he told her that he had ordered it, and she suggested that maybe he wait until after my graduation (which is in August) to propose (she mentioned wanting me to be able to focus on finishing out without being distracted) and we had talked about a proposal sometime before my graduation. I know it isnt a big push in the time but the ring will be here this month and I know it’ll drive me nuts to know he has it, and to not be able to see it (since we picked it out together). I am fustrated that my mom would suggest we wait, but I know I have to honor her wishes since she is paying for both my school and would pay for the wedding
Has anyone else had setbacks due to family??
Post # 2
Bee i have too! I’ve been dating my man for 2 and a half years and we’re not engaged yet. We picked out my ring together too. I guess the best advice I would give would be too focus on graduating and then he might propose after. My setback is that my so is trying too get a condo and is really close. I’m staarting a one year school so I understand. It’ll be ok bee. Keep me posted. 🙂
Post # 3
Well, it certainly depends on the tone of her “suggestion.” When she suggests things, is it usually her way or the highway and everyone follows? Is she really going to throw a fit and refuse to pay for your wedding if you get engaged before August? Or is she just providing some simple, motherly wisdom? This is something only you know. Personally, as an adult who is capable of making her own decisions, I think getting engaged is a very adult decision and not one I’d allow my parents to butt into. When and how to get engaged is something between the couple and no one else – but, then again, I’m financially independent and not relying on anyone else.
If it’s going to turn out to be an issue re: her paying for school and your wedding, then perhaps you should sit down with your SO and discuss a plan of action. August isn’t that far away, and at least you have the comfort of knowing he’ll have the ring soon and he’s just as excited to get engaged.
Post # 4
If you are old enough to get engaged, you are old enough to decide when that will happen.
If she’s paying for your education, then make sure you don’t get distracted. A compromise is to wait before you start planning.
If she’s paying for the wedding, then yes, she has a large say in when the wedding will occcur. But that does not equal a say into when to get engaged.
Post # 5
npoliver : she definitely wouldn’t stop supporting me and she would respect what we want to do… I think its just “motherly” advice along the lines of gently suggesting to my boyfriend that Its not much of a time change and I am so close to my degree and am taking entrance exams for more school that maybe it would be better if I wasn’t trying to plan a wedding right then too. It honestly wouldn’t change the timeline that much. I think she just tries to also look out for me and make things as easy as possible for me because it is only me and her, she is totally fine with us getting engaged and has given her blessing I think she just wants me to take things one step at a time. I do have a tendency to get flustered when too many things are going on at once
Post # 6
I do also think she’s just sad I’m growing up and going to be “leaving the nest” so to speak, because it has just been us two for mutliple years now
Post # 7
sakirby : Well, if that’s the case, perhaps you should still discuss it with your SO and get a feel for where his head is at. If the two of you’d really like to get engaged before August, as PP said, maybe agree to wait on planning until things have settled a bit in a few months. But, if you’re both fine with waiting a few months to make things official, there’s always that.
The main point is that you and your SO are on the same page.
Post # 8
Oh my gosh! You’ve got to be kidding me! LOL I’ve been reading your posts and seeing your journey! I’m sorry that you may have to wait until August, but bright side, you’ve locked it down! 3 more months! 🙂 Congrats!
Post # 9
bee45678394 : thanks! thats the way Im trying to look at it!
its been a crazy few months lol, but with me taking summer classes these few months will whiz by
Post # 10
Just because you get engaged doesn’t mean you have to immediately start planning the wedding. You can be engaged and complete your school without it being an issue!
Post # 11
She also doesn’t know that I know he bought the ring, and we’re going on a trip immediately after graduation so she might be assuming he was going to do it then as well
Im just so excited and want to see it the day it gets here but I guess the wait isnt really too bad, and we arent planning on actually having a wedding until April 2019
Post # 12
I don’t know why she thinks waitign to actually get the ring is somehow less distracting than having it on your finger. I would have thought the opposite myself. I think you are right when you say
“I do also think she’s just sad I’m growing up and going to be “leaving the nest” so to speak, because it has just been us two for mutliple years now”
But if you are not getting married for two whole years she has masses of time to get used to it , so it’ll probably be fine. (Mind you , you are taking an awful lot of money from her one way and another , so she has a lot of leverage if she is not fine).
Post # 13
I get your mom, it’s the same for me. She think that I can be over excited after engagement and start daydreaming about wedding and forget school LOL. She just wants the best for us. I really do think couple of months waiting won’t be that hard, since you know it’s coming for sure, and you’ll make your mom happy!!
Anyway if you really think cannot wait that long, talk to her. I’m sure she’ll understand.
Post # 14
- Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center
If you’re not going to be married for 2 years, 3 more months really doesn’t matter, now does it? And your mom has a good point.
But honestly in one sense it sounds like you guys are already engaged…lol I’m surprised that you already know so much – like you know exactly when the ring is coming, your mom knows when it’s coming, you’re planning out the exact month of your proposal…the fact that you know what conversations your mom is having with your SO on when he should propose…lol idk at this point if it’s going to be less of a proposal and more of a joint decision.
All the best for your upcoming graduation and engagement!
Post # 15
- Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY
sakirby : My husband proposed in the middle of my first semester of grad school. I didn’t even think about the wedding until 3 months afterwards. We got married a week or two before the end of my second semester. You may be able to handle it – you know yourself. A couple people in my program planned weddings/got married while balancing school and working full-time, interning, etc.. It can be done, you just have to decide if you feel up to it!