(Closed) Timeline rapidly approaching, not feeling confident it will happen

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@KatertotATL:  I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this. I, too, am on the same boat. I’ve been with my bf for 5 YEARS in two weeks. We’ve been discussing marriage for about two years now and………..nothing. I tried my very hardest to not get my hopes up about a proposal over the holidays yet couldn’t help but feel an over sized load of disappointment when I opened a Zales gift box and found a diamond necklace and a pair of diamond earrings just waiting to be worn. 

But I guess if he’s inquiring about your likes and preferences in rings then he’s onto something. Be VERY direct and detailed when you describe the ring you like (maybe show him pictures) because guys are very different than us women when it comes to gifting and perhaps he’s stuck trying to get you the perfect ring and a vague description isn’t helping. I would say don’t give up on him yet. If your anniversary rolls by and there’s no proposal, enjoy the day anyway. And after a couple of days have a talk with him and let him know how you feel about the agreement you had and how disappointed you feel. Remember, this is the man you love (I assume) and if he loves you in return, then he will hear you out and take your feelings and hopes of commitment into consideration.

Best of luck!!

Post # 4
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

First of off, dont worry about a problem you dont have yet.. (i know its hard not to)..I would wait until your timeline you set previously is up.. Men might not be detailed orientated but they know important things like that.

 If it passes and he doesnt propose I would sit down and decide is it worth it for you to continue a relationship with this guy and are you willing to wait.. if the answer is no, you need to sit down with him and voice your opinion.. maybe tell him you need some space and decide from there if you want to end it. There is NO reason to be with someone who doesnt share the same vision of the future that you do..

HOWEVER, on the opposite side you still have 6 weeks, he is asking about rings so its on his mind.. I have a friend whos now DHwaited 3 days before her timeline was up to propose..

Try and stay positive…I know its so difficult but its not over yet!

 

Post # 5
Member
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@KatertotATL:  The nice thing is that you have an “out” ready at the end of the waiting period when his lease expires in March.  Calm down until then.  If he wants to talk about geting a house together in March I would say that it would be nice to live together once we’re engaged and drop the subject.  No need to harp on it.  If he wants to propose he will, if he doesn’t then he will let you know by what he does when his lease expires.  Be strong and keep your mind busy.  Learn a new language, sign up for some classes, work on yourself and have a support system set up for just in case he decides to move on.  Men love strong, confident women and wandering around whining about wanting to get engaged is not going to convince him to propose if he is not already convinced.

Post # 6
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@KatertotATL:  remember he may not have anything planned yet but he may really want to surprise you. he may plan something simple. if you are ok with it, i’d tell him that youo don’t have to have a ring to be engaged and that a lot of couples go shopping together…i said that to my Fiance and i strongly believe that sped up my proposal by months!

Post # 8
Member
513 posts
Busy bee

Our original timeline was the end of 2012. That came and went, and I was (rightfully, I think) angry. But SO had a legitimate reason for not making it. It had to do with the manufacturing of the ring. Our new timeline is March 31, and he swears it will happen by then. I was bitter at first, but now I’m getting exited – 76 days! Perhaps your SO has a good reason for missing the timeline? If he even misses it, that is. A lot can happen in 6 weeks.

Post # 9
Member
19 posts
Newbee

This is what I did. I had a time line of my own of jan 3 bc he swore he would have a job near me by then. Well, the job isn’t complete and he isn’t here. So … For my sanity and his (bc of nagging) I placed a walk date. I asked him when he feels he can have a job here (this has been going on for over 2 years) and he said by end of Feb. I said fine I give you till first part of April. So he has said he doesn’t like it but respects it and that no person should wait forever for the other and he will make it happen.  But this time bc I have firmly stated it I am comfortable with my choice where as before I was unsure Of what to do if he passed it. So we agreed and now I wait. Trust and hope and faith. 

Post # 11
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

@KatertotATL:  I’m so sorry your going through this, i’m still going through this. we never dicussed a timeline for marriage because i feel that  a peice of paper does not a relationship make. i will not be another divorce statistic. I also feel that pressuring him to an alter would be a major mistake and i’d lose my SO. Marriage just isn’t a dealbreaker for me. we’re in this for life, with or without a ring and a paper. But, if marriage is a delabreaker, you’ve got to calm down & whenh he asks about rings, answer him without being negative in your mind. You’ve got to trust him. at the end of the day, you love him, faults and all. and HE LOVES YOU. If my SO asked about rings, I’d answer him and send pics. believe in him, and trust him.

Post # 12
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you should reiterate to him your feelings on the timeline. If he can’t even remember that you’ve already told him multiple times what your ideal ring is, maybe he doesn’t remember you telling him the 2 year guideline. Or, he may not have realized you are as serious as you are. It’s worth it, for the sake of your relationship, to reinforce what you want to him.

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