Post # 1
Stuff happened, so I figured I would post an update.
The plan has always been for SO to move out of his parents house and into an apartment before we could get engaged. Well, he finally moved out. Got his own place and I helped him decorate and furnish most of it (artistically/practically helped, not financially lol). I can stay with him whenever I want now, but I can’t technically live there because I’m still living and being supported by my parents, and I also go to school out of state. Despite this, I foresee spending a lot of time at his new place.
One issue is that the last time we talked about timelines (around the time we were apartment hunting), he said we would get engaged a year or two after he moved out. That sort of threw me off because I didn’t think he would need that long. But, as I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I’m not in much of a rush since I still have to finish grad school (24 now, 3 more years to go) and since I can’t support myself or anyone else financially.
I’m partially really excited that we finally have a place to hang out just the two of us, but I’m also partially nervous/worried about getting into fights that people who live together get into (chores, space, sex, etc.) as well as getting more antsy about waiting.
Anyone in similar situation or just have any kind of feedback?
Post # 3
@Kat_Kit2000: Those fights happen regardless of whether or not the couple is married. Personally (and I may be biased as SO and I have lived together over a year), I think they help build the relationship and set guidelines 🙂
Post # 4
@Kat_Kit2000: I agree with what alsgirl said, those fights happen no matter your marital status. Honestly though, SO and I don’t really have many of those kinds of tiffs (and haven’t in the year and a half we’ve lived together). I think there was a short adjustment period for a couple months where we got used to sharing a very small space (400 sq ft studio, FTW), but it really wasn’t bad.
Post # 5
@keylimepie: @alsgirl: How do you get used to sharing everything? For both of you, was it yours and SO’s space? Since my SO pays for everything by himself and I can’t be there everyday it feels very much like “his” apartment, so in a way I’m wondering if I could ever feel fully comfortable there. Regarding fights I worry about either of us getting territorial. For example, arguing about where to put things and letting him win since it’s “his” stuff.
Post # 6
@Kat_Kit2000: Hi there. I’ve lived with two guys in my time. The first was a miserable relationship. We didn’t fight much until I kicked him out of my apartment. It was, after all, MY apartment. He was basically a piece of shit so we didn’t have much stuff that was ours.
Fast forward eight years and I’m living with my FH and have been for 3 years now. I moved into his marital home that he shared with his children and ex-wife. It was weeeeeeeeeird because it was kind of obvious that I was treading where others had gone before. It took me a long time to consider the house my own space and a place of comfort.
I say that you need to go into this knowing that you are going to have a wide range of emotions and to do your best to keep your perspective. Does it really matter where the couch goes if you aren’t there fulltime? Is it worth an argument? Probably not. Expect emotions and plan for it to take a while for you to get comfy there. It will work out just fine if this is the right guy for you!
Post # 7
@Kat_Kit2000: I felt that way at first, as I moved into his place cos I was in uni accomodation before. Let him know how you’re feeling, and suggest that you get to decorate a bit or buy some stuff together. When I first moved in, SO had posters everywhere, study was in the loungeroom, the now study was just storage, really cheap student-y furniture. We’ve been gradually buying stuff together (yay we have a comfy couch set instead of a rock hard futon!) 🙂
Post # 8
Me and SO still live with parents mainly due to saving and the housing market. SO doesn’t want to rent but to buy, so he’s looking for a good investment. It’s been talked of several times that eventually I would be paying into the mortgage (I would only be doing this once engaged and that I would only move in once engaged). Like you mentioned, it willbe nice to finally get a spaceof our own. At the moment we have to use the kitchen when my parents arene’t, and we only have my room for privacy to watch films, hug and talk abotu the day. Other than that we go for drives to talk in private.
The timescale of this varies: only yesterday SO spoke of having our own space together soon, but then last week we’ve been so busy we haven’t had time to look for hourses. So I guess the point of this reply is I hear ya 🙂 It’ll work itself out soon.