Post # 1
Earlier this week I vented regarding my frusterations and realization that I will not be getting engaged in March as I had mentally planned for myself. (Please refer to that post for details under my profile)
Well…I did something last night that I am happy and not happy I did at the same time. I need some advice. I am very black & white and like people to shoot me straight. I am not good at ‘reading between the lines’ (this will come up later).
Last night I was with SO and friends at a concert and after I got to my place I sent SO a text message picture of a e-ring I liked and said “I will take one of those please. Thanks!”
His reply “Nice”
A few other not important little comments from both of us….
So this morning he calls me at work and I told him (thanks to advice from other bees in previous thread) “I feel like I am in limbo and this is not a place I want to be. I need more transparency in this process and it is not fair you cant even tell me a year.” (He has already said he WANTS to marry me but cannot say when)
My current frusterations is DOING and SAYING are two totally different things and I am not going to wait around to figure that out.
So he told me he was not going to tell me when or where or blah blah blah (Not what I was asking for) I was just asking for a year, a 365 time span to work with. Is that too much ladies? I think not.
His reply was that “I cannot read between the lines”
WTF does that mean?
After that I told him I had to get back to work and hung up.
Post # 3
@SusieInTheSunshine: I think you need to be upfront, then. My SO was concerned (he wanted it all to be a surprise, no ring shopping together, no timelines, etc) so it can be all romantic, blah blah blah, and I said, no, it can be a surprise. I will give you ring options, you can choose in the end, you decide what day to propose and how, but it has to happen before a certain prediscussed period (say, by the end of 2012). It could be tomrrow, it could be New Year’s Eve, for example. I am not going to wake up every day going “IS THIS THE DAY!?!?!” It will be a surprise. I think you need to explain it in that way, say, I know you want this to be a surprise, but I cannot be in the dark about my own future. I need to know a rough span of time by which you plan on doing this (So let’s say, ifi he already has started planning something in July, let’s say, he can say, by the end of the year). Or if he was planning on new year’s he can say, oh by our anniversary in February blah blah blah. Does that make sense?
Post # 4
@love108- Yes that does make sense but I have tried saying that is so many ways and he keeps with the same reply.
I am still confused why he said “i can seem to read between the lines”
This will probably lead to another discussion with the SO tonight
Post # 5
Yeah, that’s totally unclear. I would say. Listen. I need a timeframe by which you plan on making this happen. Not the day, not the hour, not the place. All those surprises will remain intact. Will it happen by the end of 2012? Is that a serious intention? By the end of 2013? If he can’t give a straight answer, I don’t know what to tell you. My SO fought with me about how he didn’t know when he was going to be ready, so had no answer. Then FINALLY it comes out after hours and hours that he’s like, I figured we’d get engaged in 2013. I was like WHAT?!?!?! When was I going to find out? That day in 2013? I am planning on moving for you 500 miles away. I need something to go on! It was an enlightening conversation, but took a lot of tears and hours. I wish you the best.