(Closed) Timeline went out the window (Vent).

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 47
Member
9147 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

 

OP,  did you say your mum had actually given you family diamonds  and all Fiance needs to do is get them set/reset?  Not have to save for a new ring? He could hardly have things made easier for him could he !  A man  really wanting  to marry would  surely  be grateful for this and regard it as an obstacle removed.  

Also, phrase a pp used

I also don’t understand why its only his decision

is, I think , really crucial. Often on this thread I am  uneasy about the way many women write as if their only role was to wait, more or  less in silence  too,  often for years  until the precise moment – and not a moment earlier  – that  the SO proclaims himself ready   , though they know themselves to be ready and even anxious about timelines  for babies.

Now obviously getting engaged and married are decisions for both people and I imagine no woman wants to edge an unwilling man  into marriage, even supposing he could be  so edged.  But, I worry  that  some women really are in the position of  believing  (or having to  act as if they believe ) it is only his decision and are made to feel like nags and bores and pests if they try to raise the isssue .

Several PP’s advice – and your own   goodnatured and sensible posts  – make me think a firm talk about timelines and intentions and what that actually means in  terms of action  PLUS the equality of your desires /positions in this needs to be had.

I wish you very,  very well incidentally !

 

 

Post # 49
Member
8937 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

This time, try saying “this time I mean it.” Maybe that’s what was missing last time you had this conversation with him.

Post # 52
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Canaan Valley Resort, WV

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AngelWingz:  I was totally in your shoes in May of this year.  I had envisioned that we would be engaged by December of last year and go through the holidays together.  He had a good job and I was still in school. My mom offered him a diamond as well.  I really wanted to be engaged by the time I graduated law school.  Guess what, he proposed the day after.  My Fiance is very traditional as well and wanted it to be a surprise.  I remember crying to him 3 weeks before he did because I didn’t understand why we weren’t.  It will happen on it’s own time.  Let your timeline go because life doesn’t work that way.  If you’re happy, see yourself living with this person forever, and your working toward that goal, it will be okay.

Post # 53
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Canaan Valley Resort, WV

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AngelWingz:  Didn’t see the watch comment, wait until you get engaged.  I had planned on doing the same thing, but in the end he has his watch and I have my ring.

Post # 55
Member
9147 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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AngelWingz:  

Thank you so  much for your response. I still worry for you about

SO has a more traditional view and would like to have a surprise proposal at some point and do all the planning and pick the date etc himself.  

Because that is pretty much having it ALL his own way and not a compromise at all.  I hope you can  have a talk with him that  makes him see thi, s and  in which you can get  him to understand that this is indeed 2015 and that you  are not some wilting  violet  waiting for him to orchestrate your (joint) lives .

It always seem to me that ‘old school’ , ‘ ‘traditional’  behaviours  are pretty much never good for the women on the end of them . I’ll trade having  the damn  door  opened for me etc anytime  for  the clear  understanding  that I am equally important in the decision making process . Oh, and not a natural born cleaner and  tidier-upper   either .

I am on your side no matter what ,   OP .

 

 

Post # 56
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2007 - City, State

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AngelWingz:  Is it maybe possible that he has the ring and is lying to throw you off before he proposes? You see that happen a lot. I wouldn’t rule that out just yet. Maybe wait through the holidays to make sure and if he doesnt propose, than say something in the new year. With a new timeline. But, maybe he has the ring and is planning. 

Post # 57
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

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elderbee:  so much yes to what you just said!!

Post # 59
Member
9147 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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babeba:  
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AngelWingz:  Thank you both so much . We are with you angelwingz!!!!

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