- 5 years ago
Hey there everyone. I only just stumbled across this website today as I’ve taken to occasionally poking into engagement/wedding things to start getting an idea of what to expect. I know I get a bit ahead of myself but I really don’t like going into something blind, and my boyfriend and I have been talking about a future together for a while now. My main points I’d like to get feedback on are timelines and priorities.
My boyfriend is in the military, so I guess I’ll touch on the timeline thing first. We are a long distance couple and I sometimes struggle to figure out where the balance is – how long is ‘long enough’ before getting engaged or married? Being apart is so different from in person, but we do still grow as a couple. We don’t get to experience living together yet and only see each other when one flies across country to the other. Heck, right now he’s even on his second deployment! Even the two girls I know who are/were with military guys can’t quite compare; one was together in college, apart a year while she completed her residency requirement, and then married one year before she caught him cheating (no deployments or anything). The other girl was also with her guy during college, then they lived apart while he did his 4 years (the last year or more of which they lived only an hour apart) and now that he’s out they have purchased a house. In both those cases they got to see each other regularly for YEARS before being separated, whereas I didn’t know my boyfriend in his pre-military days. For my part, our communication is GREAT, I feel safe and comfortable with him, he makes me smile, I know how to handle him on his worst days, he listens to my rambling stories and rants, we get on great both together and apart and have done great with being upfront and honest with each other. I’m only the second girl he’s brought home and the first whose parents HE has met.
So I guess I’m wondering what you guys think is reasonable/appropriate, or even a range that comes to mind.
There is also the worry about rushing. Unless I luck out with a job where he lives (HA!), we will likely be long distance until marriage. Being apart sucks, but I don’t want to be one of those situations where the military married too quickly for the convenience of getting to live together, health insurance covered, his pay increase (yeah, they actually get paid a bit more if married), etc. I don’t want to get married and then start regretting not waiting or getting to know him better or staying near my family for longer or something.We’ve basically agreed on a general timeline of getting engaged probably next summer upon his return and then married like a year after that. His parents accept that he’s a grown man but my parents.. well, let me just say that I’m the only daughter and so my mother can be a bit opinionated. Nothing too terrible, but she does like to make her disapproval known when she feels that way and of course I love and respect her and care about her opinion of me. I know that every person has to grow up and find a balance between what they want and what their parents want for them, and I am a person who DOES still want to keep my parents in mind.
What factors play(ed) a role in your long distance relationship? What was the timeline, the priorities, the goals?