(Closed) Timelines and waiting –

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
90 posts
Worker bee

I don’t know, I personally wouldn’t like to put myself in my guys shoes. Imagine the job they have to do…saving for a ring, trying to find out the kind of ring you like, sneaking out to buy it, trying to collect it without you finding out, trying to hide it so you won’t find it, secretly arranging all the ins and outs of a proposal, worrying if you’ll like the ring/the proposal and finally, the pressure of getting down on one knee and asking you a question that will change both of your lives. Honestly, it’s no mean feat!!

I know if it were me, it would seem that daunting that I would put it off for as long as humanly possible within my timeline. That doesn’t mean that he isn’t excited to do it, or doesn’t enjoy the whole process, but still, as a job of work, it’s a big one!

They’re under a lot of pressure for a proposal, I think it’s only fair that we cut them a bit of slack if they wait til the 11th hour, and remember that sometimes, it might be about them and not all about us!!

Post # 4
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@MariaW:  I’m with you. A deadline means everything before is okay and everything after is not okay. If she wasn’t okay with the day before the deadline, then she should have moved it up two days. 😛

Post # 5
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@LittleMusic:  That is such an amazing piece of advice. Wow. As a waiting bee I never ever think of that. I’m just eager to jump to the end already! Haha!

Post # 6
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@MariaW:  She probably felt like he only proposed because his hands were tied, not that he wanted to. at the end of the day he kept to the agreement so she should chill.

That being said I am a fan of sooner than later so I hope he proposes before Feb (though I am not holding my breath!)

Post # 8
Member
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

I am a bit torn here. I have serval dates in my timeline. Lets start at the end and work backwards:

  • Feb2014 – Lease is up. ring up or find a new place to live. Dream wedding date late Sept 2014
  • Aug2013 – 6 years together… Yell
  • June2013 – Trip to Chicago, where we hope to move and look for houses after we are married but before we have children, agreed upon for joint 5 year plan. If he hasn’t proposed by the time we come from this trip I will tell my SO that if we are not engaged by the time the lease is up 8 months from then, we need to find different places to live.
  • March21st2013 – First date of spring. First date of dissapointment with no ring.
  • Feb14,2013 – V-Day 🙁
  • NYE: 🙂 WOOOHOOOO.

I really don’t think I will have to wait until feb2014, though. But if I have to wait until after chicago imma be pissed.

Post # 9
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@Sapphire-Dreamer:  I told my boo I won’t make future plans like a married couple if we aren’t one. The fact that you have might make him feel like he has more time and he just might wait till the very last minute (or call your bluff on the moving thing and still not do it)

Post # 10
Member
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

@subtlebee:  I’m sorry, I don’t understand your reply. Are you saying I am letting my SO believe he has more time then he does??? If so, then lemme say that that isn’t the case. Here on the BEE we have a concept of an Internal deadline or walk date. That last date is my walk date, not to be confused with my timeline. He actually thinks he has until V-day 2013 to get this right, with a possible extention to the chicago trip if he wants to plan a super great proposal, but my all seriousness he should have the ring by March, at least. He know that I have “closed the Dairy” and if he wants “Milk” then he needs to buy the cow.

I know some people don’t like this euphemism but I do. Cows were the sacred symbols of all the goddesses who had to do with marraige across pantheons in antiquity. So I have kind of embrased it. I am not saying I am a cow. I am saying that if this were 2,500 years ago, he would have offered up a cow to my family as an offering to the heavens for our successful union.

So yeah, He’s gonna buy the cow.

Post # 11
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@Sapphire-Dreamer:  I am saying you might be sending mixed signals. Youre telling him theres a timeline but also planning in such a way that he may think you don’t mean it.

Post # 12
Member
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

@subtlebee:  Thanks for your concern, but He knows what the deal is. and he definitely knows I mean it . With this, I have actually given him extra time he doesn’t know about. What I have shared with you is my personal plan B in case it all goes to hell in a handbasket (which i am 95% sure it wont)

Post # 14
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’ve never understood the concept of waiting, shouldn’t you just be enjoying your relationship? If you should be getting married, then is that extra year really going to make a difference in the long run, does waiting suddenly make your relationship less healthy or happy? 

Discussing future plans as a couple makes sense, but making demands that you have a ring by a certain date or you walk just tells me you really aren’t interested in the marriage aspect but rather more concerned with the ring and the wedding. 

Post # 15
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@drummerbride:  I don’t agree. I am both waiting and incredibly happy with my boo. I would however like to be his wife and live with him, have legal rights, and stop confusing my cat by carting her back and forth an hour in each direction sooner than in a year (and I don’t believe in shacking up).

If you live your life without tiemlines, more power to you but for many of us “a closed mouth doesn’t get fed”. Therefore when we want something we communicate it with our SO’s.

For those in 4 + year relationships, clearly the SO needs a bit of a push to make the leap, as they have often become too comfortable and are taking the happiness of thier girlfriend for granted.

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