Post # 1
Hey, I’m new to the boards and could really use some advice. My husband and I recently removed all forms of bc after getting married because we deided we wanted to have a baby. We’re both 30 and are in a stable place in our lives with a house and secure jobs. We just got married earlier this summer and immediately felt like we wanted to welcome a little one into our life. We’re currently not actively ttc, but we are not preventing and allowing it to happen whenever it happens. I’ve been so excited and anxious each month to see if we are and sometimes a little disapointed when not. I know it’s still really early in the process.
Recently, however, a few co-workers who are also mothers have been talking about the struggles of having a kid and reminiscing about their child free days. They do not know of our current plans and are regularly telling me to just enjoy our married time without kids. This has really started stressing me out. I know we could always wait longer and have some more time without a baby in our lives, but at the same time I’m excited to be a mom. I’ve been working with kids for about 10 years so I think I know what to expect somewhat… but I’m just that’s different when you have your own child.
I’m feeling so torn and stressed about what the ideal timing would be for us and if going ahead with the not trying not preventing is the best choice for us. My husband is all in. He understands if I want to wait, but then is totally excited to have a baby as soon as one comes into our lives.
Is it normal to feel this nervous? Really in need of some advice. How did you know the time was right? If you had a baby right away did you wish you would have spent a little more time having some “just married time”? Or maybe you did spend some more time before trying to concieve… and if so did it seem like the best thing for your marriage?
Post # 2
We waited three years. We enjoyed our just married time, and our daughter is a hair over a year and a half old now.
Post # 3
It’s normal to feel nervous. My Fiance and I started trying 2 months ago; i’ve had advice that ranges from “don’t put off having kids; you’ll regret it and it becomes tougher as you get older” to “never have kids they’ll ruin your life” and everything in between. I’m also 30 and have been wanting kids for a long time; my Fiance as well so we decided to start trying and frankly don’t really care what other people’s opinions about it are. We’re not even married yet (summer 2018) and i’m totally OK with being a pregnant bridge; we don’t want to put off having kids any longer.
Now I don’t know if you were living with your husband prior to being married. If you were living separately then I do recommend you live together a bit just to get used to having to live around one another; it’s a huge adjustment. My Fiance and I have been living together over 2 years now; we know how the other works/functions and are excited to bring a baby into the family.
Post # 4
We were married a year before deciding now was the right time for us to have children.
Post # 5
We were married a year before trying for a baby. Took us two cycles to get our sticky baby (CP the first month). I’m almost 22 weeks now, and while it’s still pretty nerve wracking to think about sometimes, it’s SUUUPPER exciting too!
You never know how long it’s going to take. We got super lucky, but there are plenty of people who try for months and months before a BFP. Just never know. If you’re both ready, I’d start trying and go with the flow until you have a reason to suspect otherwise.
Post # 6
It sounds to me like you’re ready and I think the nerves are normal.. though I’ve never tried so I wouldn’t really know! I’ve been married for just over a year and Darling Husband and I plan to TTC about 1 year from now. I’ll be 30 too. We’re waiting for career reasons rather than spending more time being just us because honestly otherwise I think I’d be ready now.
Post # 7
Everyone is ready at different times. What works for other couples isn’t necessarily the right choice for you and your husband.
We are planning on waiting until around our 2 year anniversary to start TTC. We’ll have been together 10 years at that point (so plenty of childfree years!), we have a few fun vacations planned between now and then, and my husband will be at a good point in his PhD program for him to have a better work-life balance than he has now. Honestly, if it weren’t for his PhD program we probably would start TTC sooner.
We aren’t even TTC yet and sometimes I feel nervous about it! It’s a HUGE life change. It’s totally normal to feel nervous.
Post # 8
We’ve been married 5 months, together for 3 years total, and just started TTC. I am 32 and Darling Husband is 36, and given my age and the fact that we ideally want to have a couple kids, we just feel like we don’t have a ton of time to wait, so here we are. I am at peace with the decision to try now, but if age wasn’t a factor I honestly would wish we could wait another decade! So I totally get where you’re coming from. What if you just waited another six months or something to start trying?
Post # 9
Darling Husband and I just got married last month. We have been together for 7 years already. If it was up to me, we would be actively TTC, but he wants to wait a longer and have a little more in Savings, and wait until after winter (His career is tourism based, our health insurance renews, etc.) to start trying. We have agreed on 6 months from now to begin actively TTC, and yes this makes me SO Anxious, but also SOO Excited! We both want kids, we just want to ensure them the best life possible. It is such a huge decision, and I keep getting told by friends you never feel “Ready”… so we will see.
Post # 10
I feel like thre is no perfect time to have achild, nor that I feel 100% sure. As long as you’re both ready and excited, why wait. Just enjoy the process!!! Best way to conceive is when you are not wanting it so bad anyway lol..
Post # 11
My husband and I have been married for 6 months and this is our first cycle ttc. We are both 26 (almost 27 in November and December) but have been together 9.5 years already – since high school. So have had many years of baby free fun and travel etc. We are old souls and homebodies and both of us have always wanted kids. We knew that we wanted to start trying right after our wedding for at least a year before we even got married but a cross-country relocation, new jobs and buying a house have been what made us put it off these 6 months.
For us, it’s simple. We want kids. We ideally want 3 kids and so better start sooner rather than later. Life works itself out. I know plenty people a lot worse off than us with kids so how bad can it be? Hehe gotta look for the light in things x
Post # 12
Started trying about 4.5 months after we got married. Been TTC 10 months now and had a chemical pregnancy 2 months ago but no sticky baby yet. I’m glad we didn’t wait any longer, we started as soon as we were ready, if we do need fertility treatments I’m glad we’ll be starting them while still fairly young (30). It’s a very individual choice though and everyone is different, some people get pregnant straight away.
Post # 13
I think its normal to experience doubt. For us we had quite clear things we had to get done before TTC so it made it a bit easier deciding when (we have just started TTC this cycle). We have been building a large extension and knew we wanted that done, and we also wanted a big driving holiday to Canada (from UK). We’ve now completed both of those things so it naturally feels like we’re ready for TTC and almost feels like we’ve been holding on starting for these things to get completed.
However if there wasn’t anything ‘to do’ as such I can imagine it might be difficult choosing the timing. I think as long as you both agree that you definitely want children (because of course it is an option to not have children, which many forget) and you are financially prepared to raise a child, and have a suitable house then it should be fine. There will never be a perfect time I suppose, there is always something else you might want to do first but sometimes you have to go for it.
Post # 14
- Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre
We are going to wait one year before trying to conceive but we aren’t using birth control just the pulling out method
Post # 15
Thanks ladies! We have lived together for over a year so I think we have developed our own routine. We talked it over more and think we’re ready to see where life takes us by continuing not to try and not to prevent it either. It’s definitely nice to have feedback and input from you all. It makes me feel better/ a little less nervous hearing the different situations. Best of luck to all of you!