(Closed) Timing sucks…

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1058 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I wish you well in figuring out what is going on with your body. Those hormones are real and sometimes those little buggers can really get in the way of commonsense. I have seen some woman go coo-coo on their spouses in the name of estrogen.

I know it may be real because otherwise they would see how miserable they are making their men, but it has them blogged down. Rather sad, I’d say… for both parties because he has to…excuse me…chooses to take it (the abuse) and because she has no idea why she is such a (not so nice lover). Bad combo.

If you and your ex are meant to be then I wish you well. If he just can’t take it and needs to wait and see what happens then I suggest you get a ‘grip of yourself’ take care of you. Honey make you have your body under control so this will not happen again. No use in making yourself and others go through with you,… it just doesn’t seem fair.

REMEMBER, if you have said you are sorry. That is all you can do. Don’t dwell on it. It’s up to him to forgive you or not, but as long as you have a clear heart and forgive yourself… everything should work out.

Again, I’m sorry you had to go through this, but in some sense all things work together for our good. You may not see it now, but it may become more visible later.

God bless,

Post # 5
4311 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Hmm.  I don’t think he’s a bad guy.  But I also don’t think a guy in a relationship for 7 years just all of a sudden is interested in someone else.  It probably was something he was wondering about for awhile which is why he is telling you firmly that you are not together.

I know that sucks.  BAD.  But I think the more you distance yourself from him now, too, the better.  Since you feel so much better, focus on YOU.  I think the last thing you should be worrying about is your relationship that doesn’t exist, quite honestly.

He may or may not come back.  You always need to take care of yourself.

best of luck to you.

Post # 6
1730 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@Sunflower–girl:  If he’s willing to get together this weekend, at least he’s willing to still give things a go.  Just relax, have fun  – don’t spend your time together having a “talk” about the future and how you want to be together – SHOW him bybeing the fun girl you can be, epsecially now that you’re making headway on adjusting your body’s mutany.

I think you’re doing well with keeping things open to go either way, and if he sees the improvement in you over some time, you might be able to get things back on track.  I think men find it easy to dismiss the hormone factor in a woman’s moods (how many PMS jokes are there?), not understanding that it’s just as bad as any “real” disorder, like being depressed, having anxiety or even being bi-polar.  You moods are not your own in those settings, and if you’re on the track to getting your body to behave and let you be you, you might need to let him know it’s just as serious as finding out you have any other chemical imbaance that can be corrected by your doctor.  I know lots of people who have anxiety, panic and other mood/behavioral disorders.  There’s only so much that can be done wthout medical help for it (my So has general anxiety so bad he has routine panic attacks – but he WON’T go see a doctor – argh).  It’s made him lash out at me for things that seem meaningless to me, but afer a long time I’ve realized he’s not really mad at me – it’s the anxiety.  Hopefully your tentative SO will come to the same realization that it wan’t you – it’s kinda like how people with diabetes can act out of character when their blood sugar is out of whack (remember Steel magnolias 🙂 ? )

Good luck – I hope your weekend goes well.  🙂  Remember to just try to have fun – go feed some ducks or do something outside.

Post # 7
1730 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@Sunflower–girl:  Also, if he HAS moved on, then I think you’re in a good place and have a good mindset to accpet that and continue working on improving yourself.  BUT, if he’s an honest guy, I can’t see him continuing to lie about it, and as mentioned above, you don’t get into a new relationship over night.  SO, if he says he’s not in one, and you feel he’s truthful, you just have to try and trust.

Post # 8
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am glad you were able to get the help you need. I am really sorry you had to go through 3 years of crap and then a breakup to boot.

Your guy is not having another relationship. He has no intentions to be with another woman right now. He has been in love with you for 7+ years. Guys don’t have an ‘on/off’ love switch that they can toggle at will. They have emotions and feelings too which are very real. And if anything, he’d probably be scared of another woman right now. He just needs space. Just enough space to BREATHE.

Do not bring up the future of this relationship when you meet up on the weekend. Just do your friend-type activities. Let him see that you are gradually getting better. And I strongly believe that even though you have seen a huge difference in your attitude already with your prescription, you still have a LONG way to go to get to the point where you are in complete control of your emotions. He is also not going to believe that you have been miraculously cured in a couple of weeks after some magic pills. And just think about it? He’s gonna feel more annoyed than relief (though he WILL be relieved that you are much better mentally now), but the fact that if this is ALL it was gonna take to get better, than he will feel pissed that you didn’t go for this 3 years ago. Do you get what I am saying? So in other words, YOU need the space too. Just to streamline your mind, body, and soul. That is VERY ESSENTIAL in order to have a healthy relationship.

Just have one of those ‘non-dates’ weekend. You know, the one where one person has asked the other out but not in a ‘date’ type way, but they still do the same things that one would do on a date. Minus the kissing and caressing…

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