Post # 1
I have had on-going health issues for about 3 years and it seems like for the whole 3 years SO argued all the time (we have been together 7). In the beginning of February we had the fight of all fights and he said that he was done. He coudn’t take the arguing anymore but wanted to remain friends. I asked if there was someone else he was interested in and he said no. He isn’t interested in a relationship at all right now. I told him that it wasn’t what i wanted but I couldn’t make him stay. I told him that if he did find someone to tell me because i couldn’t watch him fall in love with someone else.
The next week I find that I am extremely estrogen dominant. I start taking hormones to balance the estrogen out. OH. MY. GOD. It is like a huge blanket was lifted off of me. I have not felt this great in 3 years. But I also realize how horrible I have been to him. You don’t know how miserable you are until you get out of it. I sent a text telling him that I feel good and I realize I treated him horribly and I know it was too late but I wanted to tell him I was sorry. He replied – thank you.
I think there may be someone he is interested in. Don’t know. I can’t waste my energy worrying about something that may not be.
We have been texting and not arguing. I know it is going to take time for us to fix this if it can be fixed. I did tell him that eventually I wanted a relationship back but I know that we need to take a few steps back and learn to enjoy each other again. He hasn’t really said anything about it – he is the type of person that won’t say anything until he truly believes or feels it. I know he is gun shy. I know I need give it time to show him that I am not miserable anymore. Patience has not been my strong suit.
I don’t know what I expect to get out of this post… I just felt like I neeed to post.
Post # 3
I wish you well in figuring out what is going on with your body. Those hormones are real and sometimes those little buggers can really get in the way of commonsense. I have seen some woman go coo-coo on their spouses in the name of estrogen.
I know it may be real because otherwise they would see how miserable they are making their men, but it has them blogged down. Rather sad, I’d say… for both parties because he has to…excuse me…chooses to take it (the abuse) and because she has no idea why she is such a (not so nice lover). Bad combo.
If you and your ex are meant to be then I wish you well. If he just can’t take it and needs to wait and see what happens then I suggest you get a ‘grip of yourself’ take care of you. Honey make you have your body under control so this will not happen again. No use in making yourself and others go through with you,… it just doesn’t seem fair.
REMEMBER, if you have said you are sorry. That is all you can do. Don’t dwell on it. It’s up to him to forgive you or not, but as long as you have a clear heart and forgive yourself… everything should work out.
Again, I’m sorry you had to go through this, but in some sense all things work together for our good. You may not see it now, but it may become more visible later.
Post # 4
Thanks for the kind words. I expected to get a bunch of responses telling me that if I think there is someone else already then he is no good. I believe he is a man of his word and I believe him unless I find out otherwise. I don’t want to jump to any conclusions.
I had to stop following him on a social networking site a while ago because I was taking things he posted out of context and just getting way too emotional. Yesterday I told him that I am thinking about following him again. He replied saying it was my choice but he wasn’t going to get questioned about his posts everyday. We are not together and we is not going to act like we are together. I agreed.
He has told me several times that he knows my heart is in the right place and I am a good person. He has nothing against me, he just can’t take the arguing. I did tell him that I would like us to get along and see where things go.
I think he is confused. I need time to show him things changed with me. I know men don’t get hormones at all. Neither did I really until this big change by just adding progesterone back into my system. We are going to get together this weekend. As hard as it is – I have no expectations.
Post # 5
Hmm. I don’t think he’s a bad guy. But I also don’t think a guy in a relationship for 7 years just all of a sudden is interested in someone else. It probably was something he was wondering about for awhile which is why he is telling you firmly that you are not together.
I know that sucks. BAD. But I think the more you distance yourself from him now, too, the better. Since you feel so much better, focus on YOU. I think the last thing you should be worrying about is your relationship that doesn’t exist, quite honestly.
He may or may not come back. You always need to take care of yourself.
best of luck to you.
Post # 6
@Sunflower–girl: If he’s willing to get together this weekend, at least he’s willing to still give things a go. Just relax, have fun – don’t spend your time together having a “talk” about the future and how you want to be together – SHOW him bybeing the fun girl you can be, epsecially now that you’re making headway on adjusting your body’s mutany.
I think you’re doing well with keeping things open to go either way, and if he sees the improvement in you over some time, you might be able to get things back on track. I think men find it easy to dismiss the hormone factor in a woman’s moods (how many PMS jokes are there?), not understanding that it’s just as bad as any “real” disorder, like being depressed, having anxiety or even being bi-polar. You moods are not your own in those settings, and if you’re on the track to getting your body to behave and let you be you, you might need to let him know it’s just as serious as finding out you have any other chemical imbaance that can be corrected by your doctor. I know lots of people who have anxiety, panic and other mood/behavioral disorders. There’s only so much that can be done wthout medical help for it (my So has general anxiety so bad he has routine panic attacks – but he WON’T go see a doctor – argh). It’s made him lash out at me for things that seem meaningless to me, but afer a long time I’ve realized he’s not really mad at me – it’s the anxiety. Hopefully your tentative SO will come to the same realization that it wan’t you – it’s kinda like how people with diabetes can act out of character when their blood sugar is out of whack (remember Steel magnolias 🙂 ? )
Good luck – I hope your weekend goes well. 🙂 Remember to just try to have fun – go feed some ducks or do something outside.
Post # 7
@Sunflower–girl: Also, if he HAS moved on, then I think you’re in a good place and have a good mindset to accpet that and continue working on improving yourself. BUT, if he’s an honest guy, I can’t see him continuing to lie about it, and as mentioned above, you don’t get into a new relationship over night. SO, if he says he’s not in one, and you feel he’s truthful, you just have to try and trust.
Post # 8
I am glad you were able to get the help you need. I am really sorry you had to go through 3 years of crap and then a breakup to boot.
Your guy is not having another relationship. He has no intentions to be with another woman right now. He has been in love with you for 7+ years. Guys don’t have an ‘on/off’ love switch that they can toggle at will. They have emotions and feelings too which are very real. And if anything, he’d probably be scared of another woman right now. He just needs space. Just enough space to BREATHE.
Do not bring up the future of this relationship when you meet up on the weekend. Just do your friend-type activities. Let him see that you are gradually getting better. And I strongly believe that even though you have seen a huge difference in your attitude already with your prescription, you still have a LONG way to go to get to the point where you are in complete control of your emotions. He is also not going to believe that you have been miraculously cured in a couple of weeks after some magic pills. And just think about it? He’s gonna feel more annoyed than relief (though he WILL be relieved that you are much better mentally now), but the fact that if this is ALL it was gonna take to get better, than he will feel pissed that you didn’t go for this 3 years ago. Do you get what I am saying? So in other words, YOU need the space too. Just to streamline your mind, body, and soul. That is VERY ESSENTIAL in order to have a healthy relationship.
Just have one of those ‘non-dates’ weekend. You know, the one where one person has asked the other out but not in a ‘date’ type way, but they still do the same things that one would do on a date. Minus the kissing and caressing…
Post # 9
I do agree that I still have a long way to go health-wise. It all started 3 years ago with a blood clot. I have never felt the same since then. I fought with my Endo forever that something wasn’t right. He ignored me. It took until last year to find a doctor to listen. She ran saliva test and found out I was in adrenal exhaustion. That causes your stress hormone to go crazy and make you anxious all the time. So I started treatment. We are getting that under control. So now we found the estrogen dominance. The doctor wasn’t surprised – your thyroid, adrenals, and ovaries all work together. So now I am treating the cause instead of the symptoms. At least now we have a plan lol.
I did see him for about an hour last week. I had some of his things that I was just going to leave with his concierge. On my way there he texted me that he was home and to come up to the apartment. We just hung out. When I left he initated a hug and kiss. I am not pushing. I do realize that would be the worst thing to do. I do realize why he would be hesitant and am letting him take the lead.
We have been texting all week – he is out of town – and we have been getting along. I agree that he has to see for himself. I believe if we can make it back from this, there is no stopping us.
Post # 10
I talked to (really texted ;-)) him on Sunday. We are actually civil and started the ball rolling but I still need to back off and prepare that he doesn’t come back.
I had time to think and I wanted an apology from him about the things he said to me while we had that awful fight so I texted him that I knew I hurt him but he said some pretty cruel things to me and words do hurt. I also said that I try not to say things to people in private that I wouldn’t say in public. He came back and said he already apologized. I said I didn’t realize he did and that’s all I wanted. So he said that he was sorry he said those things to me. I asked if he was still angry and he said he still needed space. I said ok I didn’t understand but I would give it to him. He said there was a lot more damage done than either of us realized. I said that I didn’t understand but he must realize it now or he wouldn’t have said anything. I think we can be fixed and asked what damage was done.
He said that I needed fixed for years and me suddenly realizing it does not make everything go away. I replied that I know it doesn’t make it go away but I am fixing it know. It was a medical condition and I am making progress in restoring it. It kills me to know I hurt him and it kills me to know I have been this way for so long. I can’t change it but I can only go forward and continue to be normal again. He said he was glad but fixing me doesn’t fix everything else.
I said I don’t expect to jump back into what we were. I want to start back slow. And I told him that I am scared to jump back in. I said fixing me fixes a lot and asked if we could be fixed. He said he didn’t know. If it is possible it will be a rough road, he doesn’t know. I said I thought we were worth it and I don’t think it will be as rough as he thinks. I asked him to think back before the blood clot. I haven’t been balanced since then. I know I have been difficult but I feel like a new person now. I want to start over and can’t we try?
His reply?” Yea, but he’s not sure he feels the same anymore. I said I understand he is not in love with me and I can’t expect that. But he doesn’t know that he doesn’t love me either. I want a chance to show him I have changed and maybe he will fall in love with me again. He said that we will see – just stop asking him about it.
So I guess it is a step in the right direction that we had a civil conversation about things. If the roles were reversed I am sure you would be telling me to forget him. All I can do is give him more space.