(Closed) Tiny vent – "Mr. and Mrs. Husband"

posted 4 years ago in Names
Post # 46
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I LOVE being Mrs. husband first last.  And it goes way beyond the 50’s.

Post # 47
8832 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

“Mrs” means “wife of”. So when using Mrs, it is correct to use the husband’s name. “Ms” means “I’m my own damn person” so when using Ms, it is correct to use the woman’s name. A lot of women want to use Mrs but don’t like the format of Mr & Mrs Husband’s Name, but if you use Mrs. that IS the correct form. It should be Mr and Mrs John Doe OR Mr John Doe and Ms Jane Smith. Never Mr John Doe and Mrs Jane Smith. (And technically, not even Mr John Doe and Mrs Jane Doe or Mr John and Mrs Jane Doe — both are incorrect) I guess this type of thing does evolve, but I’m not sure why people get so freaked out about the husband’s first name part but not the whole meaning of Mrs part. Mrs John Doe doesn’t mean you’ve given up your first name. Nobody thinks you changed your name to his. It’s just saying you’re the wife of John Doe. If you don’t want to be defined by that — awesome — use Ms.

Post # 48
205 posts
Helper bee

NFLwidow:  Your use of the term technically is what did it. I apologize for being rude in my response. I am not judging your personal choice of changing your name and using Mrs., but women no longer automatically become Mrs. Husband’s Name, and when people refuse to recognize a woman by her legal name in favor of an outdated tradition her choice is undermined.

Post # 49
1262 posts
Bumble bee

Absolutely annoying!

After we filed our civil paperwork, FI/DH (don’t know what to call him, we’re between the civil wedding and the religious ceremony, as is typical in this culture)’s parents greeted us as “Mr and Mrs [Hislastname]”. I’m not changing mine either, but I took it as a nice gesture – like they’re officially welcoming me to the family. They know I’m not changing it, and his mom didn’t change hers either, so there’s no pressure. I would feel differently if there was!

Post # 50
298 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I might be in the minority here, but I’m absolutely tickled by the fact that I can go by Mrs. HisFirst HisLast after marriage. Fiance gave me a “that’s weird” face when I told him I was going to do that whenever I felt like it, but he is the one who thinks it’s important for me to change my last name!

I just don’t see the name change as losing a name, but gaining a new one. I will still be a MaidenName forever. I’m still a descendent of MomsMaidenName and GrandmasMaidenName and GreatGrandmasMaidenName. Soon I’ll be a HisName too. So many names!!! (:

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