Post # 1
Hi bees, Fiance and I got engaged only about 2 weeks ago and we want to get married this year because I start grad school in January.
As you can imagine, between very expensive top grad school and getting married, we don’t have the $$$ for a big fancy wedding for my whole family (my family is pretty big). But it is important to us to have a highend event that we love. So we have (mostly) decided to have a very very small wedding (just us, our parents, siblings, and best friend each, as well as my grandmother who is our only living grandparent) Which is a total of 17 people including us.
Does anyone have any advice on how to tell all of our close aunts, uncles and cousins??
My dad suggested that we send out an engagement photo with a note about us eloping with our parents & siblings at the same time we send out our invites. thoughts?
Post # 3
@WestCoast: Hi there! I posted on the BC board too.
Do your siblings have spouses? They say not to break up spousal units, so you’d probably have to invite them too if that’s the case.
I actually don’t think you should say anything PRIOR to the wedding, not that it was in your post. And if someone assumes they are invited and it comes up in conversation before the big day, you just say, “We’re doing an immediate family only wedding.” Then just leave it at that and change the subject. No need to defend your choice. I found if I said the “slightest” little generic wedding comment even to people at the grocery store, they assumed they were invited. Sometimes I was quick to say, “It’s a private wedding.” Other times I was like a deer in headlights and said nothing. They figured it out when they didn’t get an invitation. No one was actually offended that I knew of!
You can choose to do annoucements if you’d like. It’s not necessary. They say to send them out ASAP so that you are the first word and it doesn’t get through the grapevine before your annoucement arrives. Some people worry that annoucements look gift grabby, but they have never been gift warranted mailings. Although someone may choose to send you a gift.
By the time we got all of our pro pics back it was time to order holiday cards so I used a photo as our holiday card. That’s how many of my extended aunts/uncles found out, yes, 4 months later. I had not normally mailed out holiday cards so this was really a first. It did not annouce where we got married, I just had the photo and “Happy Holidays, The Smiths.”
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I have a huge family and we had a small wedding. It truly was not an issue. We didn’t bring up the wedding at any family events. And when we were asked, we simply said that it was going to be immediate family and close friends only. Some of my family got huffy, but that wasn’t my problem. 🙂
Post # 5
I actually really love the idea of sending the announcement of your elopement! I also have a very large family, and I have one cousin who I LOVE that got re-married and did the same thing as you, only parents/siblings/grandparents, and while I totally understood her not wanting to have the big wedding and I felt no resentment at not being invited.. I would have loved to receive a card acknowledging that she was thinking about all of us, but just wanted to have a very small wedding, you know? I think it helps explain things to your family, so nobody is confused as to why they weren’t invited.