Post # 1
Fiance and I have been trying to figure out what we want for our wedding, and we have come to realize that we just really don’t do “wedding” stuff. We don’t want bouquet/garter toss, we don’t want dancing, we can’t have alcohol (his Grandmother’s request and it’s on her property), and we’re not into speeches and stuff. We really just want people to mingle and eat. We originally wanted maybe under 100 people, catered dinner and low key ceremony and that’s it. But then the usual parade of Cousin wants to know the date so she can mark her calendar, and how could we not invite Great Aunt whoever, etc started. And the more we thought about it, the more I realized that even without having to invite the extra guests, there was a lot of wedding related stuff that I just wasn’t into.
So we have been thinking what about having a really small (about 25 people) wedding and then just going to a restaurant or having a family dinner, then having a free for all casual pig roast later? I just worry that the people later would feel snubbed that they weren’t invited to the wedding. I wouldn’t expect gifts or anything, and we’d make it clear that it is “to celebrate the recent marriage.” I realized that I care about our ceremony and how that looks. I don’t want to worry about a reception and all it entails in the traditional sense of the word.
Obviously, this is just a shell of an idea; it would need to be developed. Has anyone done this? Or do you have thoughts on how best to approach it?
(I put this in the beehive because I wasn’t sure if it would go with ceremony or reception or parties or what, so I opted for overall general wedding related haha.)
Post # 4
I don’t see anything wrong with a family-only wedding and then doing a pig roast afterwards….if you want…you can even skip the rest/family dinner and go straight to the pig roast.
Post # 5
I had originally envisioned separate dates, though. I don’t know how it would work to have the small wedding and then big casual cookout in the same day without just having a big casual wedding and inviting everyone. I think it would highlight the fact that they’re not invited to the wedding moreso if it’s the same day. Also, that would be kind of a rush. I am envisioning wearing a fancyish wedding dress and having BMs with flowers and all for the actual ceremony. The cookout later would be casual, like wear a sundress, and not distinguish the bridal party or anything, minimal decor — just lots of good food.
Post # 6
we are doing a small, 30 person cereomy and then having a bigger dinner for our family and friends. (our dinner is about 100 people, we didn’t even invite everyone to this because i still wanted to keep it small due to our small venue).
we had our reasons for the small ceremony, i get very bad migraines so we needed to keep my stress level way down because i really don’t want a migraine on wedding day, and i hate being center of attention and having people look at me, and it really freaks me out just thinking about the people looking at me up there. a small ceremony will help with that. i don’t like to dance, and i didn’t want to be miserable with people trying to get me to dance at my wedding, so we’re just not going to have dancing and it’ll just be a simple dinner.
while my fi and i are happy with our decision and very excited for our wedding, we do have family members who are very pissed off at us. i have several aunts and cousins who aren’t coming because they weren’t invited to the ceremony. i have one aunt who hung up on my mother when she found out she wasn’t going to be invited. of course i wouldn’t change what we’re doing, because it’s my wedding and i’m not going to jeapardize my health for my stupid family, but it does suck that this is happening and i thought you should know that there’s a good chance your family won’t be happy with your decision either. i understand that they want to be there for my big day, but they should also support me in my decisions.
Post # 7
That is totally what I am planning on doing. We are taking a family fun cruise next year to get married in Hawaii. It will be, us, my mom & grandmother, his parents, brother & guest, 2 uncles + wives, 1 aunt + husband and maybe a few cousins sprinkled in and thats it.
We both love bbq so we are planning on having a catered “reception”. Most likely rent some place so all the extended family can come. Our families understand the way we want it and are fine with it. Besides with the economy the way it is…I believe most people will understand why they weren’t invited to the ceremony/reception.
What we are planning on doing..if it can be set up, is just have a slide show, maybe a video, of the ceremony in Hawaii playing on a loop at the bbq. That way all of our other guests can see the ceremony & etc. But like you, we aren’t into all the tradtional wedding stuff. I’d rather just mingle with people that I haven’t seen in a long time. Plus this gives “the aunts” (as we call them in our family-all my grandmothers sisters) a chance to catch-up on lives since they only get to see each other for weddings & funerals anymore.
Post # 8
We are having a small ceremony on my parents property. Then we will have the dessert reception at the local train depot. We’re assuming @ this point my parents friends will only come to the reception..that’s just how they are…
Then after the desserts, we will head back to my parents house and have a BBQ/bonfire for all the close family and friends and those that traveled to be there.
We origianlly had wanted to have a BBQ for everyone, but that wasn’t in our bidget, and I didn’t want to have to feed all my parents friends!
Post # 9
artbee — That is what I am worried about!
Ms Sassy — That is why I want a more casual big getagether. I didn’t want my wedding to turn into a family reunion, but I realized that weddings and that sort of are the only time everyone actually sees each other besides funerals! And I am thinking more and more that I am OK with that if it is casual.
mommy — I understand. That is part of the problem. In a dream world, we’d just invite everyone and have the semi formal affair that I envision, but we can’t afford that. I would like everyone to be there in the end (hence the big casual cookout) just so there is not the pressure to have all the trappings of a reception.
Thinking about what JamaicaBride and artbee said about hurting people’s feelings, I am also thinking — what about just inviting everyone to the wedding but labeling it casual and then the bridal party can just change into casual clothes for the cookout? That seems like a better compromise. I guess I just worry that would seem too much like we’re just tacking on a ceremony to an otherwise casual get together. No music or anything, like get that part over with feeling!
Post # 10
I totally understand why you feel stuck!
Our reception is not going to be a typical reception by any means. It’s almost all DIY. We are making all the cookies and bars, and having the cupcakes made at a local market. They were willing to do our cupcakes for just 50cents a piece, vs. the lacal bakeries. We figured w/ all the other cookies and desserts, people didn’t need a $3 cupcake. I still don’t know how much it will cost to make all the cookies, but I do know it will save us $$ to feed everyone cookies, and only invite some to the cookout.
Anyway, I have babbled alot…
And I don’t think it would seem like you were tacking a ceremony on to a casual g2gether. It’s all what you want to make it. If you label all the dishes w/ fancy little cards, and have wildflowers/candles, it can look somewhat fancy. Thats what we’re going to do 🙂
Post # 11
For us a pigroast is both economical and fun. We live in a pretty ruralish farming community where pigroasts are pretty common. And it helps save tons of money since, well, FI’s parents have a farm and raise pigs! So, main course — done. I like the idea of cookies/cupcakes/various desserts, too, because we are all really big bakers. We make stuff all the time for fun. I wouldn’t want to limit to just one big cake even if it is multiple flavors. Our venue is a field on top of his grandparent’s hill with a great view. But still, it’s an open field. But you can see how this sort of atmosphere and style would lend itself to a big fun casual cookout.
Post # 12
I don’t know about the wedding part of it but i LOVE pig roasts! We are having one for my rehearsal dinner and we had one for my graduation party. Do you have someone thats a good cook? There’s this place we go to where you can rent a roaster and they put the pig in it for you! It’s only a couple hundred dollars and it can feed over 100+ people.
Post # 13
Thanks RxBride! We actually know people who built their own roaster, so we will probably ask them how to do it ourselves or pay them to do it (definitely for less than hundreds!).
Post # 14
I think it’s a great idea!! We’re doing something similar, with a wedding/reception in the US with about 30-40 people, and then a big casual bbq party back in Canada down the road. No one has given us any issues with it yet, so that’s a good sign!
I say go for it. I also hate the idea of being the centre of attention, and this has put me much more at ease. Ultimately you two need to do what makes you happy. This is the day that the two of you will remember forever, not that the rest of the family and friends will. Do what’s going to make you the happiest.
Post # 15
I like the idea of a small wedding and then family dinner.
I have the same situation. We planned on getting married on a family cruise in grand cayman. Then 2 sisters and a friend all got pregnant and now will not be able to attend.
I feel an obligation to hold a family dinner so that the older relatives can see each other since they only see each other at weddings and funerals anymore as well.
We have been together for 10 years and I just feel that my wedding should be a real wedding. I am fighting with the go on a trip vs have everyone at the wedding.
If budget was no option I would do both but since we are paying we want to be cafeful about our budget.