(Closed) Tip jar for bartending friend?

posted 8 years ago in Money
  • poll: Is a bartender tip jar tacky?

    Tacky!

    Wouldn't bother me!

    Go for it!

  • Post # 62
    Member
    777 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I think it’s pretty tacky to accept his offer of working for free, and then pass along an extra cost to your guests. I’m sure that wasn’t his intent.

    Instead, I think you should write him a heartfelt note expressing your gratitude and include a tip/gift certificate/present. You’re still saving a considerable chunk of change, and since he’s not really doing it for the money, it’ll mean more coming from the two of you. And I’d bet he’ll get some tips regardless.

    Post # 63
    Member
    13904 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think a tip jar is rude, personally.  If you want him to go home with some cash, you should tip him at the end of the night.

    I also never bring cash to weddings because open bars are the norm for me, so I would’t even be prepared to tip someone.  Although, I’m not sure I would tip at a wedding unless I knew he was doing this for free, and I don’t know how I would know that.

    ETA: My caterer actually bans the use of tip jars by the bartenders because they say it’s inappropriate (obviously in this case, the bartender is being paid for the work, though).

    Post # 64
    Member
    13904 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    @This Time Round:  FWIW, I’ve been to a bunch of Canadian weddings (my mom is from NB) – and they’ve all been open bar.  It really is circle to circle!

    Post # 65
    Member
    777 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    So, to all the people who are so shocked by those who don’t tip at open bar weddings, I’m curious…do you tip when someone takes you out to dinner? When you’re at other types of formal catered events? a business dinner? a gallery opening? a job interview over lunch?

    To my mind, whoever’s paying the bill should be doing the tipping. If guests want to tip on top of that, then that’s lovely and generous. But as someone who used to work for a catering company that did a lot of weddings and cocktail parties, I never expected tips from the guests. Sure, some people would tip the bartender–but what about the rest of the waitstaff, who show up hours before you get there to set up, run around working their butts off bussing dishes, keeping the buffet full, serving cake, etc., and then stay for hours after you leave to clean up? Did you worry about tipping all of them? No, of course not–because that’s the host’s job and you don’t even know how many of them there are. There’s no reason to get all self-righteous about tipping the bartender. Honestly, he probably walked in half an hour before the reception started and will be the first one to leave at the end of the night. And the hosts will tip him, just as they tip the rest of the waitstaff. Unless you’re tipping everyone who refills your water glass, all the people in the kitchen, the people who were counting napkins and silverware yesterday and started unloading chairs at 10 that morning, all you’re really doing when you tip the bartender is giving extra $$ to the person who probably did the least work.

    Post # 66
    Member
    1252 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I think you should tip your friend very generously for bartending at your wedding, but don’t ask your guests to.

    Post # 67
    Member
    5843 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I’ve never seen a tip jar at a wedding. It is the hosts job to tip.

    Post # 68
    Member
    1446 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I bartended at a wedding once and there was a tip jar for me…I greatly appreciated it. I know a lot of people don’t carry cash, but it’s just like the tip jars at the coffee shop-if you have a dollar to put in, great, but if not, no big deal.

    Post # 69
    Member
    3315 posts
    Sugar bee

    View original reply
    @Taeyers:  Can’t believe so many people think it’s “tacky” to reward someone for their service…


    I haven’t seen anyone say that.  But I have seen people say that it is the obligation of the hosts, not the guests to pay the bartenders.

    Since this person is providing the service for free, it doesn’t make it ok to pass paying him onto your guests.

    I also think that tips should be given freely, not requested.  A tip jar makes it appear they are required, and advertises to guests that you are not adequately paying your servers, which is very awkward as a guest.

    Post # 70
    Member
    963 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    View original reply
    @mrssrm:  +1. I’m also wondering why people get high and mighty about tipping bartenders, do you also tip your servers at the wedding?

    Post # 71
    Member
    3315 posts
    Sugar bee

    View original reply
    @This Time Round:  consequently most Canadians host a Cocktail Hour, Wine with Dinner… and a Champagne Toast


    This is more a matter of location within the country.  It is certainly not a universality for all Canadians.  I have only been to a few weddings with a cash bar.  And they were all small town weddings at Lion’s Clubs or community centres.  I have never been to one, and everyone of my friends would not be welcoming of a cash bar.

    Post # 72
    Member
    128 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Definitely N O T tacky in my neck of the woods. In fact, the b artender had one at our wedding. We had a cash bar which some consider to be tacky but it is the norm around here as well. Bartenders are working therefor, tips are IMO almost expected.

    If it were an open bar I dont think there would be a problem with a tip jar either

    .

    Post # 73
    Member
    3569 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I think you and your husband should tip him.

    Post # 74
    Member
    2912 posts
    Sugar bee

    I guess I have mixed feelings! I personally don’t mind AT ALL seeing a tip jar on the bar at a wedding that has an open bar. I am happy to put money in it. I prefer it if it’s an unlabeled jar — I think a big “TIPS PLEASE” sign is pushy. If it were me and my friend, I would give him a hefty tip at the end of the night regardless. His gift to you is hours of his time and expertise, but a tip shows you appreciate him.

    Post # 75
    Member
    4429 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    im a bartender so shell def have a tip jar but i was curious on how people felt about it.

    i always tip when i go to weddings. my bar will be open/cash were giving 1,000 and after that our guests are on there own which i hope will last ; )

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