Post # 1
My engagement party was a blur of introductions and small talk conversations with people I did not know. I hated it. I didn’t enjoy myself and I couldn’t wait for it to be over.
To try to avoid a similar experience, my wedding occurs over the course of a weekend with a welcome BBQ on friday night, yoga on the wedding day, a lunch pre ceremony, and an after wedding brunch the next day – and everyone is staying over on site.
However, I still have that people pleasing sense of good hosting duty but I would like to ENJOY my wedding considering how much it is costing!
What are your tips and strategies for being present and enjoying yourself on your wedding day?
Post # 2
get a DOC. I enjoyed every moment of my wedding and I feel sure a big part of it is because someone else was there to deal with vendors, keep us on schedule, etc..
That said, if the part you disliked was speaking to guests, and you compulsively do just that, it may be more difficult. During the cocktail hour we had some conversations with friends and family.. it was small talk I guess but I didn’t mind it too much. Questions about out honeymoon, requests to see my ring, comments on the ceremony or my dress or my ring, congratulations. Then after dinner we made the rounds and did it again. Aside from that, we didn’t talk almost at all to our guests tbh. It was just so whirlwind we were so busy doing this and then that together–cut the cake, make a speech, dance, etc.
Post # 3
Are you doing a first look? In any case – throughout the day, take moments to step aside and take in the experience, just soak it in. I did that and remember those moments vividly.
We did a first look at our venue well before guests arrived, and we loved being there and roaming around, taking it all in without distractions.
I know how you feel about the engagement party – mine washed over me too.
Post # 4
keep conversations super short, especially if you don’t want to be in them. excuse but i’m needed over there.
i spent most of my wedding on the dance floor and enjoyed my wedding very much.
Post # 5
So you hated your engagement party because you had to small talk and there were people you didn’t know there? What will make you enjoy your wedding – not having to speak to guests? If so why have a wedding?
Post # 6
Some people don’t like small talk or have social anxiety. That doesn’t mean they can’t have a wedding.
Post # 7
I really wanted to remember the day and not just have it be a blur. It’s hard. However, I took short snippets of videos throughout the day with my cell phone so that I could look back at them later. For example, I took a short one while we were eating breakfast (“it’s the wedding day, ahhh!”), one as we left the hair salon (“Here we are, just got our hair done, next up we’re meeting the makeup artist and then it’s off to the church”), a few of general conversation and whatnot as the bridesmaids hung out and got ready together… stuff like that. It wasn’t anything planned or coordinated–I just recorded video footage here and there. I like having it so I can relive parts of the day that ordinarily aren’t documented 🙂 Looking back at it, I wish I had taken a few more than I did, but I’m happy to have the ones that I do.
One of these days, I’ll put it all together into one video mashup of the day/night and throw in some of the professional photos.
Post # 8
I don’t say she couldn’t have a wedding but why invite guests you don’t want to speak to?
Post # 9
Probably because they are guests from the groom’s side….
Post # 10
I am not married. My sister, when she married, told herself during the vows: Focus, Remember This.
And she remembers that moment to this day, like 15 years later.
I also remember the day the Soviet Union fell, because my relative turned to me and said “you are watching history, rememember this” and so I stared closely at the screen and tell myself “Remember.” I think I was 8 years old, it was Christmas season so much going on. But I remember that moment with the flag coming down and the feeling of it.
I think even just telling yourself to stop, and focus, and remember — helps your brain realize “this is information we must let seep in.”
Post # 11
A lot of it was a blur to me. I was stressed and worried (a normal thing for me, but exaggerated with the wedding/upcoming honeymoon). I’m not sure how to not stress and enjoy the moment. I am very thankful for the photos because that way I’m able to remember the day. I do remember being amazed that DH and I were able to clean up so well, lol!!
I was able to relax more once the wedding part was done. DH and I went out to dinner and came back to the room and relaxed in the hot tub. I remember it was a mess getting all the ridiculous bobby pins out of my hair, lol!
I’d just go with the flow. If it ends up being a blur, that’s ok because you’ll have photos!! Even if you don’t enjoy all the festivities, at the end of it all you will be married. It’ll all be worth it when you two have some quiet time alone and the festivities are over.
Post # 12
Our wedding started with a picking up the bride ceremony (it is an old mediterranean tradition) at 10am and ended around 5am. I pretty much remember everything.
Don’t drink a lot.
Look at the people in the eye when you talk to them.
Be positive, be kind.
You will have to talk to people. They are your guests and they are there to share your happiness. Since you are having a bbq the day before your wedding you will have time to do your chatting that day.
Remember those people are your family and friends. Do not break people’s heart.
If you ever feel overwhelmed you hug your husband.
Post # 13
Cramming in a bunch of additional events is the opposite of what I would have recommended, but you must have your reasons for wanting more of the same instead of less. I guess maybe pre-select some topics for the 3 days of small-talk: https://www.themuse.com/advice/48-questions-thatll-make-awkward-small-talk-so-much-easier
Post # 14
All good advice.
I have a Day of Coordinator for all three days of the event. I am not worried so much about coordinating.
I like that I am having a BBQ and a post brunch so that if I do feel as though I’ve neglected some friends or some unknown guests I don’t have to distract myself from the present by going and talking to them as soon as it occurs to me I might not have yet, and have the luxury of doing so the next time I see them over the weekend.
I find the most helpful tips are the ones above that aren’t so much about social anxiety as they are about just really being present in each moment and reminding yourself to feel and experience it.
I got overwlemed at the engagement party and I should have had faith that those I didn’t get to would be okay until I did instead of feeling pulled from group to group not having quality interractions with each.
I did consider eloping to save money and also to have not a big crowd to please… but my Mother-In-Law wanted the big white wedding.
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center
Just had my engagement ceremony, it was nice, but exhuasting. A lot of new faces to meet. A lot of preparation, little sleep. Advice, get plenty of sleep! Don’t wear itchy or pasty makeup, or anything you don’t feel comfortable in. EATTTTTT. All of this will help you feel better so you can focus on more important things 🙂 Ignore all the people who always tell you to smile lol, cuz that can induce a headache.