Tips and techniques from women who do it all

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
2178 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

ugh today I got super annoyed because one of the guys I go to the gym with was saying how easy it is to have kids and we shouldn’t worry about things so much and he knows this lady who travels 3 days a week and still has kids (I travel a lot for work as well and this has always been a huge barrier for me)….

come to find out she makes close to $1M a year and has multiple full time nannies and special high end schools and …. so basically not really relevant at all to my situation except that she also travels for work!

Post # 3
Member
4131 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We hired a cleaner. Best $200 a month we spend. They come once every two weeks and I don’t have to spend my weekends cleaning toilets and dusting instead of hanging out with my kids. 

Also simplify meal prep as much as you can. Crock pot meals. Meals that have left overs that you can repurpose later in the week, etc. 

Post # 4
Member
3660 posts
Sugar bee

Use the time away from work and kids wisely! Like I take a break at work to go workout and eat lunch at my desk or I will run errands during lunch to minimize the extra crap at the end of the day. While I do cardio I also either read or catch up on a tv show on an ipad, since its hard to find time to just veg with either. My goal is to put my son down for the night, do about 30ish minutes of dishes and general cleanup, and then have the rest of the night to spend by myself or hanging out with my husband. Also, grocery delivery! When my son was first born I did door delivery for groceries. Now that he’s older and I can get out of the house easier, I order online and someone brings it out to my car at the grocery. It’s freaking awesome and saves a lot of time. Whenever I feel myself getting overwhelmed, I just take a deep breath and make my mental list of what I’m going to accomplish and when I’m going to do it and it helps me get through the crazy days.

Post # 5
Member
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I dont think anyone does… people pick the important parts for me thats my child and partner, least important is cleaning (a clean home is the sign of a wasted life especially if you have pets and kids)

 

Post # 6
Member
575 posts
Busy bee

Technically I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom but I help my husband with his business (usually work 10-15 hr a week).

I refuse to live in a messy house and don’t think my life is being wasted away because I care about how my home is presented. We have a cleaning service every 2 weeks and then I maintain that between services. It’s not hard to keep a relatively neat house if you take a few minutes to pick up everyday. I also have my toddler help.

Crock pot and casseroles are big time savers. Im not going to lie we do eat take out a few times a week because of convenience.

I go to the gym at night after the kids are in bed, eventually when my youngest is a bit older and it’s not peak flu season I’ll go during the day and put them in the gym daycare. 

I order as much of our household stuff online (Amazon prime, etc). It cuts down on my time grocery shopping and running errands.  

 

Post # 7
Member
1936 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I opted out of the career aspect (healthcare) and entered a “job” (food service). I went from working FT to PT and it’s worked wonders for me, personally. My 2 year stint at my job allowed me to go back to school and take an entire program which got me a different job paying almost 2x as much. I specifically entered Food Service with this specific company so they’d pay for for the program. It was time soncuming because I had to appeal on a course by course basis and explain why I needed it to further my station at my current job (even though I had every intention of leaving), but in the end the program was completed in full with no debt. 

I still part-time, although I did have to give up 1 Saturday/month.

I keep a clean house, pull myself together, play competitive sports. I take my dog to agility classes. Also, I’m rarely exhausted. 

I just chose to work smarter, not harder. I don’t think a full-time income is ALWAYS the best option. Too much money gets lost in childcare, IMO.

What worked for me may not work for you, but I have no regrets other than not doing it sooner, lol. I was killing myself working 12 hour shifts on a rotating schedule making either a touch less or a touch more (depening on the contract) than I do now.

Post # 8
Member
7866 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

christinakhar :  we don’t have kids yet (due in July), but we manage two busy careers, a house, a dog, and our family/friends without going insane. The key for us is being KIND to each other and not trying to split things evenly. When I was exhausted during my first trimester my husband handled a lot more cleaning than usual. Now that’s he’s been working insane overtime the past month I’ve been managing the house and dog more. We make time nearly every week to socialize, but sometimes we’re tired and instead take a day for ourselves. If I’m getting stressed out my husband will encourage me to take a day and treat myself (i.e. drink coffee and read in a room alone all day…my idea of heaven) and I do it for him.  I also don’t feel obligated to do many things so I focus on what matters to me and ignore the rest.

We don’t have hired help for cleaning or anything like that – we focus on good, not perfect, and we try to do a little every day as we go so we don’t get overwhelmed. I’m a recovering perfectionist and it’s hard for me to not spend 2 hours a day cleaning, but I’m learning. I personally hate sloppy houses with the excuse “well we live here!” Um…yea…you do…and it’s gross. I no longer need the tops of the door frames to pass a white glove test at any given moment, but I do need the sink cleared of dishes, beds made, clutter put away, and the dog hair vacuumed up! 

Post # 9
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Unless you are well off financially and have the resources, I don’t think you can have it all. 

I work 50 hours a week at home and my partner works about 60 hours out of the house. We have two kids ages 5 and 11 months. For me I prioritize my fiancé, kids, career, cooking healthy meals and having a clean house (im a little insulted at the wasted life comment), but my social life, and my self care haven’t been at the top of the list at the moment. Travel isn’t a huge priority for me but we do try to do a family trip and a couple’s trip once a year even if it’s only a few hours away. 

I’m starting to make myself a priority again because when I don’t, I find I don’t have the energy for other aspects of my life. I used to go to the gym 3-6 days a week but it was tough working so much while having a young one to take care of. So I’ve made a game plan, with the help from family, and I’m going to get back into it and in the spring I’m going to join organised sports to socialize more. 

What works for me is routine routine routine. I would say that I do 90% of the cooking and household chores during the day so we can have quality family time after work. 

Every day I have a to-do chore like dusting, sweeping, moping, cleaning the bathrooms, etc., and I spread it over the week so I’m not overwhelmed. I make a lot of crock pot meals and meals that I can freeze. Making soup is my favourite because I can make large batches and they are relatively easy and cheap.

When my son comes home from school I try to spend quality time with him so I do something with him that he likes. It’s usually playing hockey. He is also in a hockey league so 1-3 days are dedicated to that. I plan dates just with him so he gets one on one time. My little guy is young and I’m home with him all day so I feel like I already spend quality time with him. I do plan on joining swimming with him soon though. My fiance and I have recently started to try to make each other a priority again since we have been so busy, and plan date nights or even just send the kids out for the night for alone time. 

Even though I don’t have it all, and sometimes I’m spread pretty thin, im happy with my life and I’m working on making more me time. You’ll have to prioritize what you and your partner want in life and figure out a way to make it work. But it’s a little unrealistic to think you can have it all. Well unless you can afford a chef, housekeeper, nanny, etc. 

Post # 10
Member
5826 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

hahahahaha

Tips:

Farm out as much as possible (Dog walker, Cleaning service, Grocery delivery, etc…)

Meal prep on Sundays

If you can afford a nanny they generally make things easier since you don’t have to deal with drop off/pick up

Set expectations/a schedule and stick to it. We stagger drop off/pick up so on mornings I do drop off my boss knows I’m going to be in later and I can actually enjoy my son in the morning and not freak out that I’m running late when he has a blowout right before we walk out the door.

Communicate and appreciate each other. I’m still nursing so childcare is just not going to be 50/50 but my husband does pretty much all the cooking these days.

My real suggestion is to get comfortable with the fact that something WILL suffer at any given time. Right now I’ve got work and my kid figured out but I haven’t seen some of my friends in ages.

Post # 11
Member
1739 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

christinakhar :  If only I could do it all! It’s just Fiance and I… no little ones and I feel like I’m always drowning. Fiance works full time outside of the home and handles 100% of the cooking / meal prep. I work full time outside of the home and I handle 100% of shopping, bills / money management, cleaning, and household scheduling. Fiance also has a side business, which I would say is a 50-50 workload split between us, and I’m always helping my parents with their company. Add in being full time church members, working out 5 days a week, and carving out quality time for each other at the end of a long day, and I feel pooped! My house used to be so spotless before we moved in together but now with all that’s going on, I just learn to ignore the mess. But, I never keep a dirty kitchen or bathroom. Those areas are straightened up daily and disinfected weekly. I just wish I could find a way to manage it better, but my mom helped me feel better.

My mom’s been happily married for nearly 30 years with 2 kids, and she told me that housework should always be at the bottom of the list. She said that if I stress myself out and give myself a heart attack and die over having a clean house, my husband would be sure to replace me with somebody young and fun who knows that a few pieces of dust are good for your immune system. Lolololol. Xoxo

Post # 12
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

One HUGE thing that helps is that my husband helps out a lot.  We both clean up after ourselves and we have our kids clean up after themselves.  When everyone pitches in and does this everyday it makes things a lot easier!  We both work full time (and have 5 kids) and when we get home from work we have our usual routine… make lunches for the next day, cook dinner, eat, clean up, help kids with homework if they haven’t already done it, showers, and bed time.  And a few days a week we go to the gym (before dinner).  We both put in equal work (well actually he does more! Lol) and it works out great for us and makes things simpler around the house. 

Post # 13
Member
929 posts
Busy bee

I leave at 5:30AM and do not walk in the door until 5:00PM. My Fiance takes my daughter to school and then goes to work and then picks her up on his way home. I walk in the door, say hello to Fiance and my daughter, assist with homework and make dinner for my family. My Fiance and daughter clean the dishes thereafter as I do some general housekeeping to keep everything in place. Try to have at least an hour of family time before I prepare my daughter for school the next day, then we are all off to bed. Long days, but wouldnt change it for anything.

Post # 14
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

btob17 :  I wasn’t going to comment on this post, because everyones priorities are different, but your comment annoyed me. A clean house means a wasted life? Is that serious?

Post # 15
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

futuremrscrow :  I know right?!  Believe it or not it actually is possible to have a clean house and a happy life.

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