(Closed) tips for ditching a MOH?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I usually don’t think it’s appropriate to remove people from a wedding party but it sounds like she kind of weasled her way in in the first place. Still, it’s kind of a touchy subject and I’m sure you don’t want to come across as the bad guy or ruin your friendship with this girl. I would just let her know what you have planned and ask her if she feels like she has the time to make a commitment to you and your wedding, since you were hurt when she didn’t seem to make your meeting a priority. Tell her that you’ll need lines of communication open at all times so it makes you nervous that she didn’t respond to your messages after she missed your meeting. I think you need to give her the opportunity to prove herself first since, afterall, you did say that she could be your maid of honor in the first place, regardless of how inappropriate her asking to be it was.

Post # 4
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

First of all, how rude of her to call and say that. I’m sorry but that’s just as the title suggests, an honor (not a right). I’d say you should talk to her about it and explain how you were caught off guard, and gently talk to her about everything you just wrote (well, not the flakiness but the different lives, etc). If you want her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, you could ask her then but there are no “backsies” if you will on bridal party requests. Just because you were her Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t mean she has to be in your bridal party at all – maybe she could do a reading or be a regular guest? I don’t know, I just think Maid/Matron of Honor is such an important part that you shouldn’t feel obligated or weirded out due to her presumptious and rude behavior.

My 2 cents. 🙂

-Bella

Post # 5
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with Bella Luna.  Since you never really asked her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, I don’t think this is the same as other people who ask someone to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and then they grow apart over time.  It doesn’t sound like you two are really close enough to even have her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man but that’s just my opinion.

Post # 6
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I think PPs are correct–you never really asked her, so it’s okay to let her know you’re going with someone else.  I did want to throw in my two cents and encourage you to have a Maid/Matron of Honor you really want.  I picked my Maid/Matron of Honor because she was the friend who would have been LIVID if I hadn’t picked her.  Bad reason.  I spent the year of planning thinking how much easier my life would be if she wasn’t my Maid/Matron of Honor, the week before the wedding she was awful and selfish, and we haven’t spoken since the wedding.  It has effectively ruined our friendship and made several other mutual friendships really awkward.  Plus, it’s not a fun memory to associate with my wedding when I look back at wedding photos.  Don’t go through what I did!  Ask someone you really really want to honor with the title and who you trust to be there for you.  

Post # 7
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with all the PP’s. You didn’t really agree, you only said you two should sit down and talk. I would let her know that you’re going to have someone else be the Maid/Matron of Honor since she hasn’t contacted you. Let her know that you want to make sure you have someone who will be able to be there for you for everything, and not just when she wants to be there.

 

Post # 9
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Personally, I think that it might be a bit harsh to remove her from the wedding party altogether–I’d probably “downgrade” her to regular Bridesmaid or Best Man, but then again, she sounds like a lot of work!

I’m more of a direct person, so I’d sort of tackle it head on as you seem to be doing and your response seems perfect, but you can also add in the excuse “You know, I’m really much more comfortable having a Maid/Matron of Honor who lives closer to me, given the amount of responsibility…” (Although that only works if your chosen Maid/Matron of Honor DOES live close to you!)

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