(Closed) Tips for getting him to propose faster

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 32
Member
717 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@MrsBeck:  Got it, although I’d hate to compare my life to a broke 19 year old. I dunno

Post # 33
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

” I’m not in a huge rush, but I would prefer he propose sooner rather than later 🙂

 I’m not in a huge hurry as I said…but I would like to be married sooner rather than later.”


To be honest it does sound like you are in a rush. You made the statement 2 x in your post. I would ask if you are convincing us or yourself.

He will propose when he is ready. 

This is the type of post that shows me why 50% of the marriages fail today.

There was a discussion on another board where someone questioned if there was something wrong with someone that had not married until later in life.

I may be marrying later in life but I did not have to ” get him to get married” and I did not have to settle for less than I wanted out of life. 

While there are no guarantees in life. I would lay odds on the relationship that marriage happend naturally over the one where the woman had to ” get him to propose”.

Post # 34
Member
1334 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@pictureaccount:  but the way i see it, there are broke 19 yr olds proposing, so there’s no good reason he should be waiting :)”

 

Um, okay, so Fiance was 19 and I was 18 when he proposed. BUT who gives a rat’s ass if we were broke, or millionaires? Fiance did it because we had been together and known each other for a long time beforehand that he felt it was right. I never rushed him. 

You can’t rush into a proposal. I think if you do, he’ll do it and regret it for the rest of his life, and you don’t want that resentment in a marriage. You both have to be sure, not just you. 

Post # 35
Member
1530 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

Um, I have been with my SO for over 6 years before he proposed this past March… so, 2 to 3 years is not that long! As well, I agree with previous posters on not getting impatient. Time is irrelevant when it comes to true love. What matters most is that you end up with the RIGHT person the first time.

Also, don’t let others’ judgement play with your self-esteem. I actually used to know a girl who kept telling me that “I deserved better” because she had seriously believed in a timeline otherwise the guy is just playing around. However, she has/had trust issues.

On the other hand, I can trust my best friend; my SO loves me for me and truly supports my ambitions/career/hobbies; etc. I am a firm believer that if I can’t see myself spending the rest of my life with a guy, I won’t even bother starting a relationship because time is priceless. If there’s anything I have learnt, love is NOT a fairy-tale. Both people have to work for it. Recipe: Open communication, trust and respect. No games; just be a listener. Being logical and nice has always worked for either of us.

However, I don’t think it is fair to put down @pictureaccount: just because she seems young. Check out this link why 30s is not the new 20s: http://on.ted.com/Jay

 

 

 

 

Post # 36
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Cynderbug:  The thought that she is young never crossed my mind.  She could be in her 30’s for all I know.

The thing that caught my interest is ” tips to getting him to propose”, It doesn’t really matter how old you are in my mind.

I have seen plenty of postings here from bee’s in there 30’s and 40’s  trying to ” get him to propose”.

I do not see that as a positive thing no matter how old you are 😉

 

Post # 37
Member
376 posts
Helper bee

@pictureaccount:  How old are you? How old is your BF? The stuff you’re mentioning is pretty immature. He will do it when he is ready. Believe me, I was in your situation once and now I wish I had let it happen naturally.

Post # 38
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m sort of joking with this one, but have you googled “engagement chicken?”

Post # 39
Member
9168 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

NOTHING you do will make him propose if he’s not ready.  In the meantime, maybe you should do some soul searching about WHY you want to get married so badly that you are looking for “tips” to get him to propose.  There are lots of guys out there who want to and are ready to be married…you could always just go find one of them if you’re in that big of a rush.

Playing games is immature and doing things or witholding things from him to get him to do something you want (aka propose) is manipulative and just wrong.

Post # 41
Member
376 posts
Helper bee

Because now we’re engaged, and everything is great. He did it in his own way, on his own time and nothing I could have done would have made it happen any sooner. Trying to pay games with him (which is what you’re describing) isn’t going to make any difference whatsoever. If he wants to propose, he will. If you want a proposal, go find someone who will make it happen. But soliciting for tips doesn’t tell me you’re ready for marriage.

 

Post # 42
Member
2567 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@pictureaccount:  

We do live together and I often hear that I should spend less time with him, make ultimatums, go out drinking with my friends to make him worry that I’ll find another guy, and/or move out.  But I’m pretty sure all of those things would result in a breakup.  He would feel hurt and confused, and might have reason to look elsewhere for someone who actually makes him feel wanted.

If you’re even remotely considering doing any of these things, then you’re not ready to get married, and he’s wise to wait. Confusing and hurting the one you love is a really poor start to a marriage, as is guilt-tripping, arm-twisting, and generally forcing a proposal. It’s not just your life and your timeline. He deserves equal input and you’re just going to have to talk to him rationally and try to come to an agreement of some sort.

Post # 43
Member
1530 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

@lifesaride:  Agreed!

 

View original reply
@pictureaccount: 

Relationships aren’t easy — be it in the dynamics of a pre-engagement, engagement or marriage. There will always be insecurities and uncertainties. We’re always going to be afraid of the unknown, but hey, a little faith (after being told by a guy that he IS into you and WANTS TO marry you.) Congratulations on being pre-engaged; aka “technically engaged”. Enjoy it! To be honest, it is like being engaged without the stress of wedding planning while you two are saving up for a future together. Here’s a plus: you can already start saving up for your ideal dress, so when you do get engaged, you have a budget to work with.

Focus on self-development; learn to grow together.

I lived with my SO for over a year and a half before we got engaged. The fears of him getting too comfortable DID cross my silly mind at one point, but it turned out that he’s been planning for the most romantic proposal for a few years. It actually took him LONGER to propose because I let my insecurities bug him. Then, the moment I stopped harrassing him and stopped obsessing about weddings and focus on the relationship, he sprung a surprise on me when we were walking our dog.

 

Post # 44
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I have a suggestion! 

Why not try out pre-engagement counseling? 

My Fiance and I went to pre-engagement counseling in our 4th year together, and we got to meet other couples, and we had wonderful counselors.

Our church offered this pre-engagement counseling and we had a blast. We got a packet to work through that really tested us as a couple, and made us truly think as a couple. It was challenging and very fun! We took couple personality tests, and got to see where our strengths and weaknesses were – all of it was just awesome! 

Our counseling only cost $35 for 9 weeks. 

During these counseling sessions, and when you’re both working through the packet together it lifts your relationship up, build it stronger, and brings you two closer, it makes you look at the future a long with being comfortable with your present. 

Hope this was helpful~

Post # 45
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@JoJoDahling:  I agree with you, pre-engagement counseling will help them be more ready for engagement. Also maybe they’ll meet other young and broke couples during the classes and see that’s no obstacle to marriage if the couple is emotionally mature. Many churches offer these classes and they’re very inexpensive compared to outside-the-church counseling.

Post # 46
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Ultimatums are definitely not the way to go. You should create an internal timeline of when you are fed up and stick to it. 

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