(Closed) Tips for getting him to propose faster

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 62
Member
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@TwoStatesBride:  I don’t necessarily agree with this… it’s different for everyone. While you might have negative memories of “putting on the pressure”, not every couple feels it’s such a negative thing. Was I the one bringing it up first with my SO? Yes, but I expressed my sadness about “pressuring him”, and he reassured me by saying that, by no means, was this “bad pressure”- there is such a thing as “good pressure”. He wanted to propose, he just didn’t know where to begin and didn’t know that it was okay to ask for my help.

Post # 63
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

He should already think you are too good not to let go regardless of what chores you do or how often you see friends. ๐Ÿ™‚

It sounds like there is some insecurity there. I don’t judge… I had it too, despite we had looked at rings!! I can thank a broken engagement for the fear it would never happen. 

Fiance & I had a few convos. I shared my insecurities. My fears. He listened and assured me he would NEVER take it this far (rings, moving in together) if I wasn’t gonna his wife. I realized I had to trust him. 2 weeks later he proposed on his already chosen date. Sometimes, they have their own plans that can surprise you! 

I don’t think there is anything you can do to make him propose faster. I mean, you want him to be ready because a person engaged who wasn’t ready, I feel is a mess waiting to happen. You’re ready. Just wait for him to meet you where you are. In the meantime, enjoy each other!!  Every relationship is different and has it’s own timing. ๐Ÿ™‚ But yes…I know how hard it is to wait!!! 

(I also want to add I was friends with someone who tried to push her bf to propose. She gave him timelines, ultimatums, etc. He didn’t care. He told her each time he was gonna do what he wanted when he was ready. They eventually broke up. Obviously I have no idea what your relationship is like but if you do give a timeline (she had one privately, too) & he doesn’t respect that, it might be a good idea to reevaluate things.)

Post # 64
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@oneofthesethings:  Exactly. Just because someone loves you doesn’t mean they want to get married to you. And if a guy wants to take years to figure that out, that’s great for him. I don’t have that luxury at this point in my life if I want to settle down and have kids at a healthy age.

There are plenty of women who are willing to wait a decade for their dude; I’m not one of them.  I don’t have the patience to deal with a guy who doesn’t know what he wants, especially if he’s over 30. If you’re in your early 20s, I really do think it’s a good idea to go out and get a lot of relationship practice.  Most of us don’t have good models of relationships when we start dating, and dating a lot of people will help build your relationship skills and ‘dating radar’ to find the right, healthy match for you.  While I may have been sad or mopey when a relationship ended, I can safely say that I don’t regret walking away from a single relationship at this point.

Love is startlingly easy to find. The right love for you? That’s much more challenging.

Fiance and I really surprised each other when things went so well; before we started dating the subject of courtship lengths came up and both of us said that “about a year” seemed the right length of time before marriage could seriously be on the table. Both of us can be described as level-headed. The decision to get engaged early wasn’t out of a honeymoon phase; we both knew what we wanted from each other, we both view the world in eerily similar ways, and we handle everything as a team. When you have truly found your match, why wait?

Post # 65
Member
574 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I didn’t think about this until awhile after, but I did make engagement chicken about 2 weeks before he proposed–more because I was looking for a good chicken recipe and it looked yummy.

Worth a shot, my Fiance loves it.  Either way you get a good meal out of it ๐Ÿ˜›

Post # 66
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@EmilyBelle:  As soon as the wedding is over, I’m most likely deactivating my account.  So no, I won’t be here in 8 years to tell you personally how my marriage is doing. I highly doubt you would care or even remember. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 67
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t think there’s a way to get him to do it faster. I think you should just be honest with him. I will say fi & I went to a wedding before we were engaged & he said being at that wedding just put all these thoughts in his head. He couldn’t stop thinking about is getting married. 

Post # 68
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

@pictureaccount:  Hi, I don’t think there is any bona fide way to hasten a proposal.  When a man knows he’s found the one, he knows, just like us. Although men (generally, don’t know your guy) I think are less inclined to propose if they’re already comfortable in the relationship, ie already living together, sharing lives, sharing expenses etc. Much of the impetus to actually get married is removed. Plus men don’t necessarily move in w/ plans to get married, so its a risk….. I agree with discussing what you want from a relationship as  don’t think it should be a unilateral decision, ie a woman waiting for a man.  I think if a man hasn’t actually proposed despite what he says about timeframes, there is still some uncertainty if that will happen.  For all the stories of a happy ending proposal after many years together there are also multiple stories of never receiving a proposal and lamentations of wasting too many years. Hopefully not the case for you.   Good luck, keep us posted!

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@DJones69:  +1 your first post!

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@Anise: +1 your last post.

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@shesho: LOL!

Post # 70
Member
13 posts
Newbee

I think it sucks that it is up to the man when you get engaged, when he’s ready. We women are on a time limit (if you want children) so it has to be when you’re both ready. I know there’s a lot of pressure on the man to propose, finance a ring and propose in a romantic setting…that must be hard, but also exciting. 

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