Tips for impressing my guy's Indian Muslim parents when I meet them?

posted 3 years ago in South Asian
Post # 2
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Maybe ask your boyfriend for ideas! Because he should know his mom more than anyone else does! Modest outfits is a concern in many Muslim famillies, so it’s a good idea to show as little skin as possible. When she takes you on shopping, you can offer to get her something instead of paying for what she’s buying you. 

Also, it’s not a good idea to pretend to be a completely different person just to impress someone! So just be your natural self and show respet. From what you’ve described, seems like she already likes you! So that’s a very good beginning so far. Good luck! 

Post # 3
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee

Hey! I’m actually Pakistani and Muslim, so I might be of help here. Chocolates are a definitely a good idea! And your dress sounds cute. 

You can totally wear tights and jeans, don’t worry about that. And you don’t have to cover past your elbows! Just shoulders will be fine. Honestly, the modesty thing is very exaggerated. No one is going to freak out if you show your arms or your knees. 

And offering to pay, if you want to, is fine! Not rude at all 

I don’t see any reason why you can’t call them by their names or touch him. Obviously calling them Mrs. and Mr. Whatever wouldn’t be a problem, but if they introduce themself with their first name, you can use it. As for affection, just normal etiquette! Hold his hand, kiss his cheek. As long as you’re not dry humping or climbing into his lap, no issue. 

Of course, this is all from my own experiences and upbringing. Your boyfriend’s family might be different than mine. Honestly, I think you should just ask him. He knows them best, after all. 

Post # 5
Member
886 posts
Busy bee

I think you’ve got it all down! Only thing I’d add is maybe flowers too because I mean you are planning to be their  future daughter in law and they know this too so maybe give a little beyond what you’d give other people whose house you were going to for the first time. 

 

As for the paying thing, I highly doubt she will let you but definitely do insist and then I’m sure you’ll have to give up eventually. That’s how it works in Indian and Pakistani culture. Both sides argue about it and one eventually gives up lol. Going out to dinner is always entertaining with other families and poor waiters get caught up in our little arguments haha. 

Post # 6
Member
886 posts
Busy bee

Oh and yah jeans and Tshirts are fine. I’d avoid leggings if you’re gonna wear a short top (should cover your bum if you’re gonna wear leggings). And avoid deep necklines that reveal cleavage. 

Post # 7
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee

You sound like you’ve got everything! Plus the fact that she is actually excited to meet you will be immensely helpful.

You seem like a very respectful person. As long as you show that (especially to any elders), they will be quite happy. For me, at least offering to pay shows a great deal of respect, as well as the gift.

I don’t think you need to fret too much about asking your boyfriend too many questions about this. I STILL ask my husband when we go visit family friends or extended family what would be acceptable. (They have so many relatives, I forget who is more religious and picky.  Lol.) But the rule is if you’re not sure, pick the safer option. If you’re not sure about the knee length skirt after the first meeting/can’t gauge if that’d be okay, then avoiding it would be best.

Good luck with the meeting! I’m sure you’ll enjoy yourself. (:

Post # 8
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

I think you’re golden! You really have this down pat. As far as your questions:

  1. Yes, do offer to pay even though they probably won’t let you. It’s just polite. But don’t make a big show of it and don’t insist too many times if she keeps saying no.
  2. Jeans is fine.
  3. I wouldn’t touch his arm or kiss his cheeks in front of this parents for the first time seeing them anyway. Guage how they are first.
  4. Chocolate or flowers is fine 🙂 Just don’t go empty handed lol. If you REALLY want to impress them (or weird them out), go to a desi store and buy mittai (Indian sweets) or baklava haha.

Good luck! I just met my boyfriend’s family (Hindu, South Indian) for Diwali and they are actually sweeter than I imagined, just different that’s all. I would advise having some FAQ questions/answers prepared, like “what kind wedding do you want?”. My boyfriend’s mom asked me that the first time I visited them and I was so taken aback because we’re not even engaged and ended up giving a jumbled answer.

Post # 9
Member
253 posts
Helper bee

You are clearly a very thoughtful person and they will be lucky to have you as a daughter in law. You’ll knock it out of the park!

Post # 10
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

 Please advise me as well. I am meeting up my Indian muslim boyfriend’s family but unfortunately not get their blessing to meet because of their culture and society but still we will push this meet up. Please help 🙁

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