Tips for keeping your mind off not being engaged?

posted 4 months ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
517 posts
Busy bee

Enjoy what time you have left about not worrying about your ring.

I found once I was engaged, I am worried about banging my ring on something, getting a prong caught, cleaning it, taking it off at the gym and if its being stolen, being a walking around theif target etc.

Just enjoy having the free finger and being a girlfriend for the last time.

Post # 3
Member
340 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Sorry bee 🙁 I definitely went through my share of feeling upset and impatient while waiting, so I understand, but I wasn’t at the point where seeing a woman with an engagement ring ruined my day — so my advice might not be entirely applicable. But I’d recommend picking up a hobby, or trying to really focus your efforts on a goal you might have. Maybe you want to be able to run 3 miles without stopping, maybe you want to knit a scarf, maybe you want to try a bunch of recipes, maybe you want to join a book club, etc. Do those things between now and summer! Throw yourself into your own passions, hobbies, interests. Concentrate on making yourself the best you that you can be. That way, you’ll either be your best self by the time he proposes or you’ll be your strongest self if you decide you need to take a step back from the relationship if he doesn’t live up to his word.

Also, if you’re really experiencing anxiety and depression most days, please consider therapy. It’s suggested a lot on the bee, but it really does help. You don’t need to live with mental health concerns and you don’t need to power through it on your own — you can and should get help if you need it. There is no shame in that at all.

Good luck bee!!!

Post # 4
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I definitely went through the anxious impatient stage. It was bad, I had no idea he was planning. He did such a good job at keeping it from me. I  simply though he wasn’t doing anything. I would say pick up a small hobby. Keeping your occupied with other things definitely helps. Good luck!!

Post # 5
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

Been there before, and it really sucks. Best advice is to do anything to keep your mind off of it! Get really involved in hobbies, start a wedding workout routine early, spend time doing things you love. 

Best of luck!

Post # 6
Member
239 posts
Helper bee

I started a strict workout program… and not only am I not dwelling, I’m healthier and happier. All my frustration goes to lifting weights, and I’ve come to find out I actually enjoy it. In the wise words of Elle Woods, “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands…” Or, in my case, they don’t get upset waiting! Good luck, bee!

Post # 7
Member
6499 posts
Bee Keeper

grackle :  

Stop wondering  , have a straight conversation and  re-evalute this mindset   ‘but I keep wondering if it will actually happen as he has been unclear about it.’ ie the mindset  one that  has you anxiously and passively waiting to to be told how your own   life is going to pan out!

Post # 9
Member
494 posts
Helper bee

grackle :  

K so first question – are you both planning on spending the rest of your lives together?  If the answer is yes than who cares about the rest of the stuff?  Why is an engagement and a ring important to you?  

If he said he wants to spend his life with you and wants to be married. leave it at that.  

Post # 11
Member
494 posts
Helper bee

grackle :  ya….my ex was one of those guys, together years when he finally proposed and we broke up shortly after hahah. 

My current SO and it was just a blunt conversation…hey we want to spend our lives together, cool, when should we get married.  It completely changed my mindset, it’s both of your lives and should be a mutal decision.  It seems so odd to me that in some regard women are so progressive with the whole equal work, equal pay, METOO movement, and yet there are some things that are so antiquated.  I don’t understand why some men are like “don’t ask me about it”, like da fak? 

Post # 13
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Develop some interests and hobbies if you don’t have any yet. Not only will it distract you, but it will make you a more interesting person.

 

Post # 14
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I went to therapy when I was in this stage because I needed help addressing my anxiety and keeping it from affecting our relationship. One of the things we came up with was that I needed to focus on what we already HAD, not what might happen and when. So I kept a tiny notebook in my purse and wrote in it every day – something  sweet he did or said, something I loved about him in general, good memories, qualities he had that I was attracted to etc. I actually really enjoyed it and it was a great gift to him after he proposed. 

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