Post # 1
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
Hello, my friends recently asked me to officiate their service after their officiant fell through. I feel pretty comfortable with this, but I’ve never done it, so would like some advice! They’ve picked the wording for most of their service I just need to make it flow right. A couple questions:
What did your officiant do that you really liked?
Did they do anything that you hated or wish that they’d done differently?
Should I have people sit as soon as the bride gets to the end of the aisle or after the welcome and opening prayer?
Did any of you have a tree planting ceremony and if so, would you be willing to share the script for this part of your service? I’ve tried looking up some examples, but haven’t found anythigng great yet.
And I know this is probably the last thing I should worry about, but what did your officiant wear? LOL
Thanks!!!
Post # 2
Member
7887 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
cowoman: Our officiant wasn’t a friend, but she took the time to get to know us and was a great officiant. I liked that she respected our beliefs and incorporated what she knew about us into her words. She always had a great attitude and was easygoing yet willing to understand our vision.
As far as what to wear, I think anything business casual to formal should be fine. You want to look nice but not too flashy.
Post # 4
Member
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
Keep it short and sweet.. Don’t go into any long winded and only vaguely relevant stories about love or marriage, but make it personal as well. These are your friends so I think it’s fair to assume that you know them well, but take the time to find out what they want out of their ceremony.
Are you a guest at the wedding as well as the officiant? I would say stick with attire that is somewhere between formal and business casual depending on how formal the wedding is.
Post # 5
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
Our officiant was a friend first time officiating anything! She did amazing, way better than anyone we could have hired. She just wore a nice black dress with a turquoise top. My favorite thing I would HiGhlY recommend is she emailed us both about a week before the wedding privately and asked us how we knew the other person was the one. What each other wrote was a secret until she took our words and put them together nicely in the opening address. It was beautiful, I cried , he cried, everyone cried. I’m also not a cryer so I was shocked. It was like writing our own vows but without the stress. People kept upcoming up to us after saying how on point our words about each other were and how we made them cry and that it was the best ceremony they had been to. We used the book sacred ceremony to walk us through putting together the ceremony. Got it on amazon 🙂 good luck! Eta- I think she let people sit right after I was down the aisle
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This reply was modified 5 years, 5 months ago by
Star116062.
Post # 6
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
This is really helpful. Thank you guys! I also used Sacred Ceremony and The Wedding Ceremony Planner which were books I had on hand from planning my own wedding. I’m starting to feel really excited about this instead of just nervous. 🙂
Post # 7
Member
10220 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
Proabably not relevant , but I hate it when the officiant starts making comments to the effect that that such and such is the behaviour/attitude /emotion the guest ought to be engaging in. You know, “at this this time weshould be remembering to be nice to our own partners and parents etc etc etc etc” Those sentiments are fine , but I dont want to be lectured in them , nor have my ceremony etc used as a sermonising event . ( church weddings it’s pretty inevitable , but not a secular service )
Oh and I’d be very careful of adding in something the bride and groom didn’t know was going to be there. It worked beautifully for Star above but has potential for disaster .
Post # 8
Bee
62 posts
Worker bee
- Wedding: November 2015 - Santa Barbara Courthouse & Nectar
We’re having a friend marry us, and because she knows the two of us well and was there from the beginning of our relationship there will be a story in our ceremony from her about our relationship and each of our relationships with her. (Hopefully that makes sense!) I think it’d be a nice touch, since you are friends with the bride and groom, to incorporate some sort of story in there (i.e. when you knew they’d end up getting married or why they compliment each other from your eyes).
She’s planning to wear a knee-length floral-print dress that she ran by me for the go-ahead to wear.
ETA — I provided a script in my post about ceremonies. There’s also a tree ceremony thread. Hope that helps!