(Closed) Tips from couples who share finances

posted 5 years ago in Money
Post # 61
Member
1409 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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chocochai :  🙁

But you are right–It is good that it is out in the open now, and it sounds like you guys are good about openly communicating which is a good sign.  Good luck bee.

Post # 62
Member
9918 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

We have one main account for us where 90% of each of our salaries are deposited.  We don’t really buy huge items for ourselves without a discussion first, but I could easily spend $500 shopping for a girls day out and not mention it to DH before or after.  

Perhaps you can start having him save receipts so you can track money after it’s spent.  My dad used to track all their expenses in Quicken and the receipts were helpful in tracking cash expenses.

Post # 63
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Bee I’m so sorry to read this update.  I have two friends who have basically just found out that their husbands were addicts and had no idea (one is addicted to gambling, the other addicted to painkillers).  

Please seek professional help to address the gambling addiction – its near impossible for an addict to “quit” successfully on their own and you will both need help figuring out how to move forward from this.  All the best to you. 

Post # 64
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee

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chocochai :  we track our expenses through Quicken with a budget that we both sit down and plan out ahead of time, then at the end of every month we go through next month’s budget to make sure we are on the same page and agree to it.  We each have a separate amount that is designated as “fun money” that we can spend on whatever we want, coffee, lunches out, that sort of thing, when it’s gone there is no more until the next month.  We also budget EVERY single dollar that comes in somewhere, whether that be toward mortgage, groceries, or whether we are saving up for a vacation or toward new furniture or something. 

I will say this plan works VERY well.  We have NO debt other than our mortgage and are scheduled to pay that off in the next 5 years (we are only 32 currently).  No car payments, no CC payments, no student loans.  We learned the hard way and worked our way out of all of that.  It wasn’t fun, but it’s so much less stressful to be on the same page about money. 

Post # 65
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

We agreed to always have to talk about it together if we are planning to spend more than a 100 dollars, but are free to buy lower purchases without consulting (though more often than not, we ask each other about purchases over 30 for things other than gas and groceries).  Obviously it could still add up if we were making constant purchases at 80 bucks, but we are both pretty frugal people.  It has worked well for us so far.  My parents have choosen to each have a weekly budget for general expenses (for things like lunches, snacks, coffee during the work week), and then work out large purchases together.  Honestly, it just seems like you have different ideas about how to handle money and you just need to sit down and talk about it together.    

Post # 66
Member
2758 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Mint worked great for H and I, but we are both responsible with money. Honestly you sound like my grandparents on my dad’s side. They handled Grandpa’s overspending habit by making Grandma in charge of all of the finances. She removed Grandpa from the account but made him the beneficiary in the event of her death. She then gave Grandpa an allowance of money each month to spend as he pleased.

Could you try to get your man onboard with this? Grandpa told me that they’d be bankrupt if it wasn’t for Grandma. He was really grateful. 

Post # 68
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2017

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fourfrenchfries :  omg i love the way you do your finances. Im commenting so i can follow this thread. Im going to copy your method exactly, as i think its perfect for me and DH. I think thats called bumping a post?

Post # 70
Member
222 posts
Helper bee

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chocochai :  You sound a lot like my husband and I when we  got married six months ago!

It was about a three month adjustment, but we finally worked out a system for our situation.

 

 

So we have both of our paychecks come into our combined checking. We each get $100 of our paycheck for “spending money”, into our personal checking. We have access to all of the accounts, but only I have a card to mine and he has a card to his. This is just to ensure we still have our own freedom, without having to have EVERY purchase monitored. So if I want a coffee on the way to work, I get it and he doesn’t even know unless he goes into my account. Purchases and needs (groceries, bills, gas, etc.) comes out of our joint checking. A portion of our paychecks also goes into our savings, automatically.

It’s nice, because it allows us our own freedom, but our money is all still combined. 🙂

Post # 71
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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cantwait2bwong :  I think I accidentally offended the OP earlier somehow, so maybe message me if you want to chat more! I’d love to help you out.

Post # 73
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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chocochai :  Oh okay good, glad to hear it. I’m really sorry about your situation and I’m glad he came clean so he can get help and you two can move forward in a positive direction. Good luck bee.

Post # 74
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Yall are awesome. Chococai i think you are an amazing person for addressing this problem and handling it seriously but with grace and compassion. I really wish the best for you and hope that he will be able to fully recover. Also yay for your brightsides! Fourfrenchfries i like the method you use alot i have done dave ramseys and read his books but his approach just doesnt work for me out of practicality. What made you do yours with the cushion etc.? I already kind of did a version of this with my balance sheet, but not to this extent. Also chococai thank you so much for letting me hijack the thread, you are really nice! I feel like hijacking sounds really bad. Lol

Post # 75
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

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chocochai :  I’m so sorry to hear. Just let him know he can be open and honest, as anyone with an addiction could get into trouble easily by borrowing money or finding other ways to gamble online and etc.

I’m sure there are support groups and resources online for you both? 

And kudos for not getting bent out on the responses after your updates, people just read the original post a lot and respond from there.

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