- 5 years ago
- Wedding: February 2014
I have never looked forward to wedding planning. I knew my mom would want to be very involved, and I knew it would be difficult to let that happen. You see, my mom is a very controlling person, who veils her manipulation behind “caring about my best interests.”The fact of the matter is, her opinion of my best interests in regards to the wedding is having this extravagant wedding that none of us can afford.
I tell her often what not to do because it hurts, but she does not listen and just seems to want everything her way. I am having to keep a lot of wedding stuff from her because if I tell her anything she takes it as me wanting her to help with it/me wanting her to tell me what to do. If I don’t tell her anything, she starts asking me specific and just saying, “well you need to do this”, etc. It frustrates my FH also because it’s supposed to be OUR WEDDING. Then, my dad kindly tells me she just wants to feel involved and enjoy the process, so I wonder if I’m being too harsh.
Any tips for handling this? The current situation is her highjacking my dress picking (I purposely didn’t bring her for some of the appointments). You can read more about that here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/sample-dress-to-purchase-or-not-to-purchase#axzz2WUamzLrG I took her shopping on Friday and had a few appointments scheduled, and I purposely picked places that I knew we wouldn’t get into too much trouble in, budget wise. Then I ended up finding a gorgeous dress Saturday with my Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man. She wasn’t crazy about anything Friday, and was angry at me on Saturday because she felt like she got jipped and that I didn’t take her anywhere good because I’m not being fair to her.
She also keeps telling me how I shouldn’t wear my gorgeous purple Seychelles that I got for the wedding because they’re cute, practical, and my favorite color… and they’re reasonably priced. She keeps sending me pics of Badgley Mischka’s that I can’t afford, and telling me that I need to wear something more formal and that people don’t wear funky shoes to their wedding. Oh, and she doesn’t seem to understand the concept of SETTING A BUDGET AND STICKING TO IT.
I am really trying to include her but I’m beginning to feel like she doesn’t view it as a privilege, but a right… I’m beginning to feel like the mom in this situation. I would be happy to involve her if she didn’t insist on being involved all the time. She is just so pushy and it makes me want to cry all the time because my opinion doesn’t matter to her! How do I act like a loving daughter, but tell her she’s making me feel so hateful towards her? And how do I get her to listen?
She is going to ruin any chance of my FH and I continuing to go out of the way to be around her. I am trying to save her from herself, but the fact is, she is about to push away not just me but the person who is about to become the one will be happy to abandon everything else for. How do I make this clear without blaming my fiance or making my mom hate him too? Ugh. I am really trying to keep him out of it.
Just wondering if anyone has dealt with it and how you handled it. Am I trying to go about it in the right way (trying to keep her minimally involved for the experiences I want her to be apart of so she doesn’t feel unloved and I don’t feel horrible for not having my mom there)?