- 8 years ago
I am an old poster whose last relationship went awry. I changed my sign-in name as to reflect my current situation, and to have a clean start.
My ex-fiance and I broke up more than a year ago. We loved each other, but in terms of solidity of our relationship and our future, and equality of our partnership, we were seriously lacking.
I’ve spent the last 15+ months as a single lady. I finished my master’s degree, dated lots, spent time with my girlfriends, spruced up my new apartment, and built my own life. I am much happier now than I was in the past, and am very happy with my decision.
I spent the last two months in Turkey, Istanbul to be exact, with some travel to places like Greece and the Mediterranean coast of Turkey. It was a wonderful experience, learning the Turkish language, being immersed in another culture, sightseeing, visiting the sea, etc. It really was a life changing experience, especially when you consider that I’m quite sure I met the love of my life there.
As opposed to my last relationship, we know that this is real love. We spent the last two months getting to know each other, our hopes and dreams for the future, both together and separately, our interests, expectations for a relationship between us, we’ve navigated cultural differences, etc. etc. We went on holiday together at the end of my stay. Though we recognize that this in no way mirrors “real life”, we were lucky in that it gave us a chance to be around each other 24 hours a day, to have a glimpse into each other’s daily habits and routines, and to generally have a really great time together.
To make the situation even more interesting, he has been planning to come to the states for graduate school, and now that we’ve met, the process has been expedited.
We both know that we are crazy, but we’ve decided that he will come to my city in the very near future. He’s started his application process for school (starting first at language school and then moving on to grad school) and student visa, and I am expecting him in November. Yes, everything is moving quite fast, and we recognize the possibility for disaster, but more importantly, we are really looking forward to our life together. Helping each other, exploring together, and taking on the world (in all of its glory and difficulty) as partners. We truly believe that the other is the person we’ve both been waiting for. This is a new feeling for both of us, and one that is super exciting.
Our families and friends have been introduced to our relationship, what lies in our future, and are very happy for us. Of course, they’ve raised important questions that I, too, have considered myself. Questions surrounding religion, culture, whether or not this situation is born out of his desire to come to the states, and I am very sure that we are ready for this, and that this relationship is being built on a true connection.
Ok, background and disclaimer being said…. I am looking for suggestions on how to make this move as easy as possible for him.
First of all, we will be sharing my (now our) one bedroom apartment. I’ve been living here for a year and need to transfer the apartment from a “single girl space” to an “our space” as easily and inexpensively as possible. (We’ve talked about redesigning the bedroom together — this is something I’ve been wanting to do and I agreed to wait until he arrives to do it), and of course I will clean, clear a closet for him….. Other suggestions?
Secondly, because he will be joining “my life” and leaving “his life” behind in Turkey, I want to welcome him to his new city and help him to make friends. Of course, I will introduce him to my friends, but how can I help to acquaint him with his new community? Metro card, city maps, I’ve already located a Turkish cultural center (one of his favorite things is Turkish folk music and dance), pick out places he might like?? More? He is very charismatic, outgoing, charming, and brave. I am sure that he will have no problem making friends both within my circle as well as on his own (at his language school, work, turkish cultural center, any other groups he may find, etc.).
My ex-fiance and I lived together, but our relationship was not successful (for reasons that go far far beyond co-habitation). Any other miscellaneous suggestions for successfully living together?
How about those of you with cross-cultural experiences? (My job is an English language teacher to immigrant children from around the world. My master’s degree is in Multicultural education and communities. This kind of cross-cultural relationship building is not new to me, and in fact, is my specialty, but of course it is different when there is romance and love involved, so suggest away!). As another disclaimer, we’ve already discussed our views on religion, our perspectives on crossing cultures in our relationship, our expectations for each other in terms of responsibilities around the house, his contribution to our living expenses, etc. etc.
There is no wedding on the immediate horizon (we’ve just recently met and are in the “love love love you but still getting to know you stage, and especially because he does not want people to think that we are marrying for a green card) but, if things go well, you never know!!!
Sorry so long and thanks in advance for any advice!