(Closed) Tired of Compromising on my Wedding!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7736 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Buy the BMs’ dresses yourself. Tell them you are buying them, they are wearing them, because this is YOUR wedding and you want THAT color. End of story.

Post # 4
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

These budget issues are things every bride and groom, indeed every adult, face.  I would have loved to have my wedding at Fenway Park (where the Red Sox play) but it wasn’t in the budget.  So I found a place that was.

About bridesmaid dresses – its ok to be bummed that the dress you like isn’t in their price range, but you really need to talk to each of them individually to find out their budgets, THEN start looking.  If you find something over someone’s limit, you should pay the difference.  Yes, as bridesmaids they buy the dress, but as a bride you need to be respectful of their finances.  Its also understandable they want to try it on – online sizes and real life sizes can be VERY different, and I’m sure they’d rather not buy something and then have to return it (and pay extra postage to return and get a new dress).

About the wedding party – you decide # of bridesmaids, he decides # of groomsmen.  Period.  They are his friends, so it is his decision.

Post # 5
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Realize that compromise is a part of life, and a *huge, essential* part of marriage. Learning to do it through wedding planning is a key skill as you prepare for the important part – the marriage that you hope will last the rest of your lives.

It’s also good to get into the habit of calling it OUR, not “my,” wedding.

Post # 6
Member
6215 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

No matter what happens with the dresses, or the caterer, or the plates, just remember that it is ONE day, and you already have one thing you’re not compromising on- your fiance! And at the end of that one long, expensive day, that is the one thing that matters.

ETA- but go ahead and vent! at least venting on the bee means no one’s feelings get hurt

Post # 7
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

This sounds like a really frustrating situation.

I suppose if it were me I’d focus my attention on something I could actually have some control over.  Feeling like everything is out of control SUCKS.  And your bridal party doesn’t seem like the place to start…because people are difficult and have their own needs/wants/perrogotives etc. 

Maybe find something you can control and have exactly as you want it…maybe it won’t be a big ticket item like the venue but it might help you feel better.

Post # 9
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Ditto those who have said that compromise is a part of life. If all the things that are so important to you are being eliminated due to budget you always have a choice to find a way to try to make more money, or have a longer engagement to have time to save. That’s partly why Fiance and I are having more than a 1.5 year engagement to ensure that we can have the wedding we want without having to compromise. We’re getting all our vendors well in advance and are making sure to save up a lot over that year and a half so that we can have the wedding we want.

As for the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses, I think your BM’s are being a bit unreasonable. Part of agreeing to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man is to wear whatever dress the bride chooses, within reason. I’m assuming the dress is neither the ugliest dress nor super expensive (especially given you’re offering them $100 towards the dress and the dress is only $250)nor are they so horrid or revealing that they shouldn’t be worn in public. I haven’t been to a wedding yet where I’ve looked at the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses and thought “Oh that’s cute, I would totally wear that again if I were a Bridesmaid or Best Man in that wedding!” In fact pretty much every wedding I’ve been to in the last 5 years my thoughts on the dress was “Ugh, that’s ugly, glad I’m not a Bridesmaid or Best Man in that wedding.” It seems to be pretty much a part of being in a wedding party.

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