(Closed) tired of having sad nights and arguments

posted 7 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

Well it sounds like it is both of your problems. He should not be mad about a slight color change in your hair.

You also should not be mad at honesty, assuming its in a nice way.

If you find yourself angry, its OK to say “I need a moment to think about this”. and think about it and all its repurcussions. If it doesnt really affect the grand scheme of things, let it go. If its something major, let him know how you would have liked him to say it.

 

Post # 4
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I feel like in LDRs, little things get blown out of proportions.  It might be worth the effort to bring this up and remind each other that you miss one another and to relax.  How often do you get to see one another, do you have a visit coming up? Focus on the good!

Post # 6
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

This may sound like odd advice but I might try taking a night or two off from skyping. You both may feel so tied down to the computer that you can’t just have a nice relaxing conversation. It’s nice that you communicate so much but it might get stressful to talk that much. I’ve done LDR before and I remember feeling like I wasn’t “living” my life where I was actually living. Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
2496 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@Moja Milosc: I would agree.  Darling Husband and I are LDR, and we don’t Skype everyday for this exact reason.  We Skype when we can, but we usually spend our evenings texting and going about our own business.

It’s just too much to try to sit in front of my computer for hours every night when I need to be out having fun, being with friends, and exploring my own interests.  The beauty of LDR’s is that you have the chance to better yourself and become a better person.  That doesn’t mean we ignore each other, but we communicate through email, texting, facebook messages, etc.

When you try to make an LDR as much like being physically with someone as you can, you’re only going to frustrate each other.  It’s not the same, and it’s important to recognize that difference.

Post # 10
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Do you have outside hobbies? What if you read a book together and then talked about it? Read aloud to him over Skype or just finish the book on your own and then talk about it. What do you like– music, books, animals, anything.  Both of you download a CD and listen to it throughout the day and then talk about the songs at night.  Take a yoga class and show him the poses your learn, or just go to the gym to burn off steam. 

LDRs aren’t just about how you interact with your SO, they’re about keeping yourself busy and interacting with yourself in the in-between times.  Take care of yourself. <3

Post # 11
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Also try not to get caught up in his phrasing, if he’s bad about choosing his words.  If you know he means well, just smile and keep going with the conversation instead of fighting about something trivial. 

Post # 12
Member
4236 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I agree with lefeymw.

It seems like it has been blown out of proportion.  A friend of mine in a LDR told of how his Girlfriend decided to get a nose job and only told him once the appointment was booked in.  He was extremely upset and he felt she looked totally different after the op.  It took him a long time to come to terms with it, but he did 🙂 – just a little perspective.

Post # 16
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I am in a LDR myself and have gone through the same stuff. The only thing we can do is Skype and e-mail because he’s in a different country. A lot of nights it seems to be frustrating, but that also has a lot to do with my parents because we are trying to plan our wedding so that my parents can go because I’ll be going to his hometown to have the wedding. So that has caused a lot of problems because they haven’t told us if they are able to go or not yet, but other than that, I find that talking at night isn’t the best idea. The problem is that we’re both busy all day so the only time we can have a decent coversation is usually at night. He’s one hour behind me and I don’t mind staying up late. But since we get tired and it’s dark and it’s just the two of us and everything things can get frustrating knowing I can’t be with him there in person and visa versa and knowing that it will be at least another 6 months until we can be together again. I completely understand what you’re going through because we will fight about the simplest things. I just try to not let it frustrate me knowing our situation and that it probably has a lot to do with talking so late at night. Another thing I do is think about all the positives and how we are going to be together soon. I keep telling him how much I love him and just try to remind him of the positives. When he feels that all hope’s lost I just keep encouraging him no matter how hard it gets. No matter what he says when he’s angry or upset I don’t believe it and don’t let it go to my head. I just keep assuring him of my love for him and that we’ll be together soon. Then when he comes back to his senses or he thinks about it later, all he remembers is how much I love him no matter what and everything’s better again. I find that’s really important. Communication is big and explaining both sides and letting the other explain is big. I don’t know if that helps or not. 

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