(Closed) Tired of having to tell them my ceremony is a church wedding

posted 5 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
3697 posts
Sugar bee

It’s just a function of the world they’re working in. I’m sure lots of couples with secular ceremonies feel like everyone assumes they’re having a church wedding when they’re not, and they find it equally annoying. You also tend to notice those little clashes-of-perspective more than you notice when people operate on assumptions that match yours, so they tend to stick out more in your consciousness.

I’m sure you will have a beautiful wedding Mass! If you continue to be annoyed by this aspect of planning, you can take some proactive steps to head those conversations off. When you initiate a conversation with a new prospective venue/vendor, just start it off with, “we’re looking for (whatever) for the reception to follow our wedding Mass. We’ll be getting married at (X o’clock) in St. Fill-in-the-blank’s Church, and we’re trying to have a reception that fits with a traditional-style wedding …) etc., elaborate as needed.

Post # 5
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Aww don’t worry, they’re just doing their job (which is to provide you with as many of their services as possible)! Just start your conversations with “We’d like to do a traditional reception with dinner… our ceremony is at _____ at (time), so guests would probably start arriving here around (time).”

And you’re right, the ceremony should be the focus of the day!

Post # 6
1030 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Normally when booking your appointment with venue(s) the receptionist will ask if you are looking to have your ceremony there or not.  No one should ever assume.  I can see why you’d get a little annoyed. 

Post # 7
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m a Christian and not getting married at a church, and everyone asks me if I’m having a church wedding. Not so much vendors, but other people. It goes boths ways!


Post # 8
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I hear you! I had to deal with this alot in the beginning. Now the guests are like, “It’s going to be a full mass?!?” Ugh! Can’t win, lol

Post # 9
346 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I definately agree! I converted to Catholicism but my mom’s side is Catholic. However, several people who are attending on the other side or friends are like well you need to shorten up that ceremony. Most of our friends and family had ceremonies close to 10 minutes, so an hour seems like an eternity to them. However, I think about it and feel the ceremony is for us and the reception is really for the guests. 

I am happy and excited to have a traditional ceremony, especially at a time when tradition is often forgotten. 

Post # 10
7992 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Ben there… *sigh*. I still don’t understand why it was such a shock to some of our guests. I genuinely think that some of our guests think as follows:

– All religious people are insane.

– Rachel631 and her partner are not insane.

– Therefore, Rachel631 and her partner are not religious.

– So why would they want a church wedding !!??!!??!!??

Post # 11
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Ktlady:  Make them feel as if they are crazy ones to even ask !

Post # 12
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Rachel631:  I TOTALLY understand this.  I’ve been told by co-workers and people my age or in the 20-35 age range I’m “way too normal” to be religious (eg go to church weekly).  I’ve also been told by my older co-workers or people in the 35-50 age range that I’m “way too young” to go to church every week.

I sometimes want to curse them out.  It’s epically annoying to me.  Sorry, I am what I am, not some idea you have because a few people behaved badly.

Post # 13
2533 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Think about it this way: having your ceremony in their space would bring them extra money.

Our ceremony is at our reception venue, and it’s going to be an extra $8 pp (though at least I get everything, including some coffee and snacks included for that), which really just goes right into their pockets if you think about it.

I don’t think they’re assuming, I think they’re hoping you’ll have your ceremony there!

(It just occured to me that my ceremony may or may not smell delicious, as it’s literally in the same space our reception is, haha! Oh well!)

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