(Closed) Tired of in laws judging us bc of money.

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 2
Member
9427 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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heyitsnicolelee:  your fiance thinks you deserve that kind of crap from his family? charming. 

Post # 3
Member
262 posts
Helper bee

I think your Fiance has a bit of misunderstanding in that it’s okay for people to disagree with your decision, but it’s not okay for people to yell and put you down because of it. 

This may sound a bit passive aggressive, but have you tried suddenly becoming too busy to talk the moment the conversation turns to money? Alternatively just pick a phrase that’s polite, but neutral and repeat it once the conversation goes there. “Thank you for your concern. We’ll manage our affairs from here.”

Post # 4
Member
9436 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’m more concerned that your Fiance thinks you deserve crappy treatment from his family than that his family is being crappy. He should be standing up for you and shutting your Future In-Laws down when they are rude.

Post # 5
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee

I am sorry, but your Fiance is an ass to think you deserve any negative comments about your decision to take a pay cut.

And for your Future In-Laws, I would stop talking to them about money.  If they bring it up say “I am sorry but I really do not want to discuss mine or anyone elses financials.”  If they don’t stop, get up and leave the room.

Post # 6
Member
5046 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

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heyitsnicolelee:  Who told your in-laws that you got a pay cut?

Post # 8
Member
924 posts
Busy bee

It’s nobodys business that you took a paycut. In fact, it’s not even your FI’s business. You aren’t married yet, that’s YOUR business. Why does his parents even know? Did he tell them? Or did you? If he’s acting this way now, you may want to second think things. Is it always going to be this way? 

Post # 9
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee

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heyitsnicolelee:  I would be livid with my H if he told anyone what kind of money I make.  It is no one’s business but yours and your Fiance.

Post # 10
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Why do your future in-laws know so much your and your FI’s private financial matters? How do they know you took a pay cut? Why is this information being shared outside of your marriage? It’s absolutely none of their business.

Post # 11
Member
1708 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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heyitsnicolelee:  you need to start walking away every time they bring up finances. Even if you’re mid-bite at dinner. The second they start, you smile, say “I’m not going to discuss this”, get up, and walk away. By your fiance’s reasoning, since you “deserve” their comments by taking a paycut, they “deserve” to be ignored by you for talking about something that is not their business. 

Post # 12
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

You deserve the comments?  Oh, ok…

Post # 13
Member
3102 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It sounds like your husband is being passive aggressive, telling you to take the job, but condoning his family’s criticism of you. It’s possible that he’s fueling it as well, talking about it with them privately and expressing concerns . However you state that they made you have an expensive wedding, and that’s not true. You can’t do something and then blame it on others; you could always have said no. But you’re right about refraining from talks about money with with your ILs and if your husband does not agree then he’s the real problem here. 

Post # 14
Member
5879 posts
Bee Keeper

You don’t have in law problem you have a future hubby to be problem.

If he’s not respecting boundries now, don’t expect him to when you are married.He’s showing you who he is. Believe him. 

And they didn’t make you have an expensive wedding. If you both CHOOSE to extend yourselves financially, own it, don’t put the blame on them. You could have said No. 

Post # 15
Member
3243 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Your Fiance says you deserve these comments?  Um, I’d take a long hard look at this in terms of what this is forshadowing for your future together…

The topic ‘Tired of in laws judging us bc of money.’ is closed to new replies.

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