(Closed) T.I.R.E.D. (of some people)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree with you. Family especially, but friends as well, seem to view engagements as open season for criticism. Actually, even the pre-engagement period was hard for us: I think it starts with the “when are you getting engaged?” questions, and continues right on through to the ring criticism, wedding criticism, etc. It sucks! 

Post # 4
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Ugh, tell me about it. FI’s mom put the guilt trip on me heavily today. It’s just that people have an opinion about everything, and usually the people with the worst opinions are the ones always feeling entitled enough to speak them. So sorry you’re dealing with this, but stay strong! You’re happy and when your wedding is over, they’ll end up moving on to criticizing other people… :/

Post # 5
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I hear ya! It seems like once that ring is on the finger it opens the floodgates for everyone’s opinions on your wedding, relationship, marriage, etc. When someone starts criticizing my wedding to no end I typically look at them and say “does that mean your rsvp’ing no?”. That typically shuts them up. Or I pretend to take their advice and then completely ignore it. They’ll never know until the wedding at which point it’s already too late. πŸ˜€

Post # 6
Member
1897 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I feel for you.  But I can offer some advice–don’t tell people any details!  Truely, no one knows the details of my wedding except for my mom and you bees.  It all started with when I wanted Olive green as a wedding color and everyone told me how gross they thought it was (ugh, have you no vision, people!?).  After that moment, I haven’t told anyone a thing!  Keep things on the down low, and you’ll be happier.  Come up with a standard response for people whn they ask for details.  eg:

relative/friend/coworker: So tell me, what are your colors? What flowers? What’s your dress like?

me: Oh gosh, there’s so many different elements to our wedding.  Some things are very traditional, some things are trendier.  I’m just including everything we love!  It should be a great day!

Then change the topic!  It works like a charm. πŸ˜‰

Post # 7
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

 

I think all of us soon to be brides go through this at some point.  I just want to let you know though that whatever you do, no matter how expensive and extravagant your wedding is, no matter how intimate or how big it is, people are still gonna find something to talk about your wedding.  No matter how carefully you tread and accommodate people, you are bound to step in people’s toes.  I think it’s human nature.  We all have different tastes and expectations so there really is no cookie cutter wedding that will fil all of us.   I think that you just do what you want, however you want your wedding to be.  In that way, you are spending your money in something that YOU AND YOUR Fiance are happy about.  Don’t let it bother you because you are just gonna feel so bad about your choices if you listen to them all the time πŸ™‚

Good luck!!!  *hugs*

Post # 8
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@virginia:  Love that response.  Please allow me to “reuse” it LOL!

Post # 9
Member
1897 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Msgthoney–Glad I could help!  The day I realized it’s best to not talk about my wedding to people, the easier and more enjoyable planning became!

Post # 10
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

We have had to let a lot of things roll off of our back with our wedding. The good thing is that me and FH are totally on the same page with regards to the wedding planning, and that is what matters most!

We tend to reply “You have already planned your own wedding/You will have your chance to plan your own wedding one day – so leave our wedding up to us”. It is a little rude, but tends to shut people up pretty effectively.

Every once in a while we get the “people will think that is rude/tacky/weird etc” … we just tell whoever says that to get the people complaining to call us directly and will we explain our point of view to them.

It helps that we planned to cover the entire event ourselves (my parents have now offered to cover catering, but at this point the guest list and big decisions are already final, so we know the offer is string-less).

Post # 12
Member
250 posts
Helper bee

Virginia  KUDOS to you

We tried involving others and keeping them abreast and then they attacked with words and eye rolls and suggestions.  I have never offered a bride an opinion or a mother of a bride UNLESS it was “asked of me”…

 

I am appauled.  I am disguisted with the STRONG suggestions people give the daughter and then say  “It is your wedding do what you like” then 2 days later they are laying on ideas again.

Part of me smiled as she put her foot down with all including me last week….

 

GREAT WORDS VIRGINIA:

me: Oh gosh, there’s so many different elements to our wedding.  Some things are very traditional, some things are trendier.  I’m just including everything we love!  It should be a great day!

Then change the topic!  It works like a charm. πŸ˜‰

Post # 13
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I haven’t really told people details of our wedding, mostly because I don’t know them all yet, but I am tired of people making suggestions or talking about it NON-STOP with me. What’s really annoying is when people who aren’t invited ask questions. I mean, if I open up that discussion, I feel like I need to invite them when I reaaaaally don’t want them there. So I’ve been avoiding the conversation entirely.

Post # 14
Member
1897 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Tampa–I’m glad I can help.  I understand how frustrating (and hurtful!) people’s opinion’s can be when youre planning a wedding.  My own bridesmaids pressured me out of using Olive green!  I was so bummed.  Hasn’t happend since though…!  and when people really push the envelope (which some do!!)–I just say “you know, we really want people to be surprised!” 

Post # 15
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

@KM I know what you mean. It is so hard to avoid those conversations though…

Post # 16
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am so with you – we are having a more traditional ceremony (in a church), and then a more modern, ‘after party’ at a lcoal restaraunt. I got quite a few… ‘looks’ from people (including other vendors like florist, etc).  like OMG you aren’t having a RECEPTION? What about DANCING? What about the bouquet/garter toss? What about a CAKE!? Um, we are both terrible dancers and would much rather have a nice after party with the people closest to us (so we have more than 5 minutes a table to see people and can’t eat a bite of our own food, etc). No bouquet/garter tosses, just not our thing. Cake? YES PLEASE. πŸ™‚ That we will certainly have. I agree with those who have said just don’t talk about it with other people because they will judge you (as soon as some people hear our main colors are black and white, they flip a lid – like my grandmother who called it ‘morbid.’ Whatev.).

 

All I can say is this – keep your head up. It will be fabulous! πŸ™‚

Bella

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