(Closed) Tired of the PITY PARTY!!! Waiting vent!

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - backyard

Seems like you are upset, very upset at that. Cleary this ex still means something to you, which explians why you still give him the time of day. Not judging, but if you relly do not care, why be bothered, who cares

Post # 4
Member
921 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
botsonyan:  Eeek! I’m sorry everyone has gone so over the top with this. Maybe because people know/assume you’re waiting they think you’ll the news harder? I don’t know. But it must be really irriatating having to tell everyone you’re fine repeatedly and then you get annoyed with having to say you’re fine so much so people then assume that you’re upset about the engagement rather than fed up of saying ‘I’m fine’.

I think you should talk to your boyfriend and say that it doesn’t matter why anyone else thinks he’s proposing to you as long as the two of you know it’s not because of your ex and to just stick to his orignal plan… unless he’s using this as a convenient excuse to postpone

Post # 5
Member
8602 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

That sounds really annoying. Also, why do you still talk to the ex? Id cut that off entirely.

And re: your SO. You tell him in no uncertain terms that you don’t give a damn about your ex getting married and your can’t even believe he would consider the possibility of delaying your engagement and marriage because of them! You don’t care what anyone thinks… I mean you’ve been dating 5 years, who would even think that? It shouldn’t effect your timeline one bit. 

Post # 6
Member
8602 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Also, keep your chin up. Tell your friends your happy for them and ask them to stop talking to you about it. They’ll find something new to gossip about soon.

Post # 7
Member
3053 posts
Sugar bee

Why is it such a big deal that some people keep in contact with their ex’s? I keep in contact with my first love and so does my SO and it doesn’t bother either of us. I beleive there will always be a soft spot in your heart for your first love/ first serious relationship, but that doesn’t mean you’re gonna be devastated when they meet someone and take the next step.

I wanna know what the f**k makes your ‘friends’ think you’d be devastated that your ex is getting married? Just tell them straight out:

‘I’m happy for them, I don’t want your pity party, I love my boyfriend, my time will come, please shut the fuck up, it’s old news, thank you muchly’

It sounds like your ‘friends’ just like a bit of drama, it’s almost like they were hoping for a huge drama to unfold from the situation.

Post # 9
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Your SO needs a good talking to if he thinks what’s going on in your exes life should impact his proposal. That is ridiculous.

Post # 10
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee

Sorry I don’t know what advice to offer, other than to say you’re not alone! I can totally understand your frustration here, and my example of this is not even close to the same magnitude. 

I’ve been separated from my partner of 10 years for about 10 months now. having been with him my whole adult life and having a home together etc, it took so much for me to leave, that basically I was mentally separated from him months before I moved out and everyone else got the news. almost 8 months after separating, we both had new partners send are very happy. We are still on good terms, and I honestly feel nothing for him anymore at all, beyond friendship. In fact we had a ‘relationship debrief’ some time after we split, that pretty much ended up me giving him tips of how not to make the same mistakes again. 

a major reason we split was due to his emotional immaturity, and my desire to get married and have kids (one day), that he may never be ready to fully commit to. 

We now now find it too hard to attend the same functions with our mutual friends etc, even though we are fine seeing each other. It’s just too hard dealing with everyone else’s awkward BS! Like when I bought my new SO to a local gathering, to which my ex arrived. Everyone (about 40 people) went silent and gawped at us, before one of my sisters dragged us off with the excuse we had to visit our mother. 

Geez I hope this doesnt keep up for 6 years!!! And I don’t think the PP makes a valid point that it’s odd this annoys you.. I think you can definitely not have feelings for an ex and find this situation totally frustrating! 

Post # 11
Member
96 posts
Worker bee

I would stop talking to the ex if he “hits on you” and suggests you “get back together”. Disrespectful to both your SO and his Fiance. You say you are still friends with him, that doesn’t really sound like a ‘friend’ to me. 

Post # 12
Member
7414 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
botsonyan:  UGH – I feel your pain.  My ex got married several years ago and at the time we were still pretty friendly so I wasn’t surprised at all when he got engaged.  I was living with my now DH and I was perfectly happy for him but everyone assumed I must be devestated and I got all kinds of ‘are you okay?’ ‘How you holding up’ type messages.  It had been 5 years or something since we’d broken up, we’d both dated many people in between.  It was just weird.

I think it’s lovely that your friends care, and I’m sure they mean well.  I didn’t have trouble with my ex being engaged, the day he got married was a little weird for me – I don’t know why, I in no way wanted him back, but it was weird all the same.

My guess is that a lot of people find it hard and strange when an ex moves on and movies & tv tell us that these things should be weird and hard so people assume they are and that’s probably why they’re all treating you the way they are.

I”d just not mention it and try to avoid having it come up.

As for your Fiance – I’d explain to him that what your Ex does has no bearing on your relationship and that you guys shouldn’t change your plans just because your Ex is engaged.

Post # 15
Member
7414 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
botsonyan:  No, not a chance.  I wasn’t invited and never would have expected to be and if I had been I would have declined.  That is just awkward for everyone I think.

I wouldn’t want an ex at my wedding and I can’t think of an ex whos wedding I’d want to attend.

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