(Closed) Tired of the PITY PARTY!!! Waiting vent!

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
3102 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Re: talking to an ex who hits on you while being engaged – cut that shit out, it makes both of you look bad. And your bf’s excuse for postponing the engagement might be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.

Post # 19
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee

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botsonyan:  They are throwing you a pity party because you’ve continued contact with him, which would imply to most people that you’re not over him.

I don’t understand the need to maintain contact with an ex. Especially if you’re leading up to an engagement with someone else.

Your SO may secretly feel resentful at your continued contact with this guy. I think you need to sit him down and tell him you truly don’t care about your ex (if that’s how you feel). But I feel like drawing more attention to it is likely to make him feel like you actually DO care.

Post # 20
Member
2633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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botsonyan: UGHHHHH i hate the pity party!!!! I broke up with my high school sweetheart shortly after getting to college in 2003. We stayed friends and moved on to date other people.

I met my now husband in 2007 and he met his now wife in 2009. He stopped talking to me on her command (we spoke rarely anyway but were friendly when we did) shortly after they started dating. We still had/have a lot of mutual friends in common. I thought it was petty and kind of cowardly because he didn’t even tell me he was deleting me on fb and asking his family and some of our mutual friends to delete me as well out of respect for his gf- none of them actually did. I understood her side from woman to woman and just didn’t care enough to make a big deal about it. He moved on, as did I YEARS before so it was not some heartbreaking moment for me.

Well, they got engaged in 2012 and I was not yet engaged because my husband and I decided to buy a house and get our shit together that way first. Well, you would think it was the end of the world. I had people sending me pictures of the ring and screenshots of the fb engagement announcement. I had other friends call me to see if I was okay because I wasn’t engaged yet and that “I must be devastated”. It was so bizarre.

The same happened when he got married a year later- at that point I was newly engaged (about a month and a half) when he got married. Again, I got a flood of sympathy messages that they beat me down the aisle (because apparently marriage is a race), screenshot pictures of their wedding and her dress (because again, they assumed I cared). I had to keep reminding people that I broke up with HIM a decade before, and hadn’t heard a peep from him in half of that time, so I couldn’t understand why they thought I stalked his life and cared about what he was doing.

People are so strange and loooooove to assume you are falling apart so they want to add some drama. Must make themselves feel good to think of the “poor pathetic girl watching her ex move on” even if its sooooo far removed from reality. Just ignore it and live your life- thats all you can do lol

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by MissJulianna.
  • This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by MissJulianna.
  • This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by MissJulianna.
  • This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by MissJulianna.
Post # 21
Member
2633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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botsonyan:  Also, I would cut contact with the ex. He’s disrespecting his relationship with his Fiance by hitting on you, and you are disrespecting your relationship with your boyfriend by keeping in contact with someone that acts so inappropriately. Nothing good will come of keeping that “friendship” going.

Post # 23
Member
616 posts
Busy bee

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botsonyan:  I’m sorry this is happening…I would think it frustrating too! I haven’t stayed friends with my ex that was my longest relationship. He and I haven’t been together for like 8 years and haven’t remained in contact for about the last 4 years? I’ve been with my current SO for 5 years now.

I have a friend who has always been adamant in the fact that she things my ex and I aren’t through. I honestly don’t know why she thinks this. He has a baby and is engaged to his childs mother and she STILL thinks that for some reason we aren’t over and thinks I am upset that he has a kid and is engaged…so bizzare.

Thankfully my SO doesn’t have this strange opinion…but if he did I would be LIVID if he was trying to change our timeline to work around an ex that I don’t have feelings for even if I was still friends with him.

Maybe you need to just talk to him about how this is making you feel.

Post # 24
Member
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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botsonyan:  yeah, i agree that it’s time to move on. It’s nice to be friendly with an ex, but that’s not the same as being friends. He should be a distant acquaintance by now. It’s just too confusing to him otherwise, clearly. 

not saying I buy your FIs story about why he’s not proposing, but then again I wouldn’t want to risk my heart and future with someone who was getting their ego stroked by leaving the door open enough for the ex that they thought they had a shot. 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by BalletParker.

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