Post # 1
Hi, everyone. I am new to this board. I was a member a while ago when wedding planning, but can no longer find my old log in information. I decided to rejoin because I remembered there was an extensive TTC board and I can honestly use the support.
A little background…my husband and I are 30 (me) and 34 (him). We have been TTCing for just over a year now. About a month ago we started the process of diagnostic testing at a fertility clinic. So far I have had bloodwork, a transvaginal ultrasound, and a saline ultrasound done. So far, the only “issues” that have come up are that I am slightly low in vitamin d (now taking a supplement in addition to prenatal vitamin) and my thryroid function, while normal by conventional standards, is not ideal for conceiving/pregnancy so I have started on levothyroxine. All ultrasounds showed nothing abnormal. My husband completed his first semen analysis and it looked pretty good except for an increase in “round cells”…not sure what that means exactly, so he will be repeating this test in the next few days. We have our consultation with out fertility doctor in about a month.
Anyway, I’m about at my wits end with this. Every month is completely devestating. I try not to cry, but I do. Every. Single. Time. To make matters worse, my teaching partner just announced her pregnancy yesterday. I really am happy for her. But I can’t help but wonder when, or even if, it will ever be me. After she announced yesterday, I was told, I guess jokingly, by another cowroker that now I would have to wait a year so our maternity leaves wouldn’t conflict. I laughed it off but wanted to scream that I’ve already waited over a year. I was also asked point blank by two different people if I was pregnant (one time in front of a group of people). I just said “Nope, nothing to report,” while trying not to burst into tears. I know people mean well, but I really have a hard time understading why on earth anyone would think it’s appropriate to ask someone if they are pregnant, especially when putting someone on the spot like that in front of everyone.
I guess at this point, I’ve just started to lose hope. If anyone has any advice or success to share after 1+ years of TTC I would be so grateful!
Post # 2
Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes. Totally feel the exact same way. I am soooooooooo sick of trying. I’m not even enjoying sex that much anymore, it just feels like another job. I’m totally riding a roller coaster of feeling positive and hopeful and feeling completely broken hearted. Been trying for over a year as well with only a serious case of bad luck.
The whole world seems to be one giant walking fertile belly and I’m watching from the dugout. I miss fun sex with my husband. I miss not having to pee on sticks. I miss when I thought we had all the time in the world.
I don’t really have much advice, but I can commiserate! I just read success stories when I’m feeling low. That’s about all I can suggest.
Post # 3
I totally understand how you feel! It is so so hard to gear up every month to try when it starts feeling like an exercise in futility. The longer you try, the more desperate you feel, and the urge to give up feels so overwhelming.
We could never figure out what our “problem” was…and while I don’t want to discount anyone’s experience, I almost wished we could just be diagnosed with SOMETHING. That way there would be a reason, and a path to take….I know that for us it was so hard to think of spending all the money on say IVF when we didn’t even know if we could eventually do it on our own!
We did end up conceiving the “old fashioned way” on our 15th month trying. We still have no idea what was different that it worked!
I have said this to other TTC bees, and that is to really consider finding a counselor who specializes in infertility. I went by myself, and with DH, and it helped SO MUCH. TTC for so long is so hard on your marriage, and in my experience even your partner doesn’t feel it the way you do.
I’m wishing you so much luck!
Post # 4
I’ve just officially passed the 4 year mark of TTC… so I totally hear you on the tired of TTC. (Also unexplained/mild PCOS if they are really stretching to put a diasgnosis on me. All labs and everything right in the perfect range, except for Vit D which was on the very edge of the low range of normal) I’m personally not really a story of hope (depending on how you look at it, that it just took forever, or that it took forever but it eventaully happened) since it took us 3.5 years and 4 cycles of IVF to see our first BPF ever. Unfortunately we did lose that one, but 6 months later now, I’m pregnant again, very early and seeing cautiously optimistic on how this one will turn out.
I guess the good news for you is that most people seem to have good luck, even unexplained infertility, with just 1 or 2 cycles. I can’t even count how many people I knew of i the same shoes as me 2 years ago start IVF at teh same time or after me, and have found success and have their babies already… so more than likely, if you go that route, I’m willing to bet you will find sucess fairly soon.
Post # 5
Hey so for me I felt that low Vitamin D was my problem.
My husband and I had also been trying for a year and no luck. We went to see a specialist who tested my Vitamin D and it was low at 19 (low end of normal range was 23 I believe? Don’t remember the unit of measurement).
He put me on the once-a-week high dose Vitamin D supplement for 6 weeks and scheduled me for an HSG for when my next period would start, which probably would’ve been right arouns when I would’ve finished the supplements, as I have PCOS and long cycles. But I ended up getting pregnant right as I finished the supplements.
This is of course not scientific but it was literally the the only thing I did different.
Wishing you the best, bee. I feel like it’s like playing slot machines….for some people it takes one pull to hit the jackpot, and for others not so much….
Post # 6
I wanted to say I’m so sorry. What a rough time. I don’t have personal experience doing this but the PP mentioning going to a counselor who specializes in infertility idea seems like a really good idea.
I feel like, even in general, ongoing disappointments and almost anything in life that becomes such a big focus and doesn’t happen could put you in a really bad place mentally and emotionally. So getting some non-physical related help may be a great idea, too.
For what it’s worth, I was told a few years ago I couldn’t have kids. And I really had to work through remembering that I couldn’t let that become some sort of lifelong disappointment. I couldn’t let that disappointment and preoccupation define me, you know? Anything that starts to consistently rob you of day to day happiness is something that you’ve got to address head on even if you’re not getting the remedy you want yet (pregnancy in this case).
for me, I have a new doctor and new hope and we’re TTC now. Only on the 3rd time of not preventing, and 2nd time of consciously trying. But I can definitely already see how potentially all-consuming mentally and emotionally (and even physically) this process could be. And that’s just early on. So I really think some professional guidance/advice from someone who can really understand what you’ve been going through might be really helpful for you and your relationship because I know this is tough on your husband, too.
Big hugs, best of luck – and I hope you can find that optimism and hope and excitement again soon!
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
I don’t have any advice for 1+ years of TTC…but I too remember the frustration! The stress got so bad it actually caused some marital problems between DH and I. We actually took a two month break while DH went to anger management (he was too embarassed to do couple counseling – but he agreed to this compromise).
All I can say is don’t lose hope! *hug*
Post # 8
Girl I feel you!! While we haven’t been actively trying a full year, I’ve been off BC for 2.5 years….so not preventing for 2 and actively TTC for the past 6 months. It is definitely the most frustraited I’ve ever been in my life as I’m quite literally the last person in my circle to have kids. At 31 & 34 my long-time girlfriends are done having kids (most of them have school age kids)…while most of my younger friends have had babies within the last 1-2 years or are currently pregnant. I cannot tell you how many times I have burst into tears at the slightest thing. It comes all the time!
Thankfully my OB doesn’t follow the “you haven’t tried for a year” way of thinking. While she certainly isn’t ready to send me off to a fertility specialist she totally recognizes that we aren’t getting younger and frankly to wait a full year and THEN start getting answers is just wasting time. I actually go for my first round of bloodwork next week with the second round 3 days into my next cycle – and DH is supposed to go for a seman analysis before the end of the month so his results are in and we can go over it all at once.
Post # 9
Thanks so much for the comments, ladies! It’s nice to know that I am not the only one that is feeling this way. I like the idea of talking to a counselor who specializes in fertility, it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while now. I know that my fertility center offers professional counseling as well as a peer led support group. I think I should look into both of these things. I know it helps to be able to talk about it, especially with people who are going through the same thing. Has anyone here ever gone to a support group for people dealing with infertility? If so, just wondering if you found it valuable, if it was easy to open up to others, etc.