(Closed) Tired of vendors telling me what they think I want to hear..

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@MsGinkgo:  no, the industry is crazy! These people are, for some odd reason, CHOOSING to work with crazy brides.  Aint nobody gonna tell a Bride-diva that a first look is a good idea! Or a bad idea!  

All you have to do is look thru some WB threads to see how passionate a bride can get over HER choices.  Vendors are trained to be supportive and only give a real opinion when asked.

I think most photographers want to do a first look so there is less pressure and time crunch after the ceremony.  But, if you’re telling your photographer you’re making cocktail hour longer for photo sessions, maybe she really does think that’s cool!


Post # 5
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@MsGinkgo:  Honestly, that really depends on the vendor.  I have found that even though I look to these people as experts, they never want to take a hard line opinion on something in case you end up making a decision in the other direction. They don’t want that hanging over them awkwardly.  When we were interviewing photographers, I asked each of them how they felt about first looks and staged family photos.  Not a single one of them provided a strong, decided answer. However, once I said “I want to keep staged pics to an absolute minimum” they would all say oh that’s awesome!  In this situation I kind of believe they think that, because come on…. staged pics are hardly the photographer’s dream of their art come alive.

But, if you are looking for honest feedback, I would ask a friend who has absolutely amazing taste and/or experience regarding weddings, before I asked a vendor I’m paying to make my day easy by playing along 🙂

Post # 6
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Instead of giving my ideas, I usually start with “we haven’t decided, what do you recommend?” and go from there. Sometimes, it is a lie, and we HAVE decided, but my sister told me the same thing. If you actually want their recommendation on something, ask for it beforehand.

We did that with our photographer and the first look thing. They said that they (and their clients) prefer a first look becasue it eases the day and things flow better, but they do weddings both ways so whatever we decide is fine. (The “whatever you decide is fine” line is key in the wedding industry when giving a recommendation.) We had already decided to do a first look, but we got their honest opinion.

Post # 8
2481 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think you may be asking a lot to expect critical comment from people who are being paid to work for you. So the default position is more likely to be “Oh, what a great idea!” than it is “Lawksamussy, what are you thinking about?”. Especially across the Atlantic where service is generally a great deal less grumpy than over here!

Now that’s not to say that you don’t want sensible feedback but perhaps, as pps have said, invite their opinion rather than presenting fully-formed decisions. 

Post # 9
1818 posts
Buzzing bee

You know, a good professional knows what to say.  I know someone who works as a surgical tech for an OB/GYN.  Some babies come out really pretty, and some…look kinda scary.  That mom is looking for your reaction and for you to say something beautiful about the alien that was just pulled from her belly.  Sometimes my friends says “She is beautiful!”, and sometimes my friends says “Oh, look and those long beautiful fingers!” or “Look at all that hair!”  None are a lie, and they make someone very happy.  If you want to build a good business, keep your people happy.

I think the fact that the caterer advises only an hour for the cocktail hour is right on target.  He/she is trying to tell you that you need to reconsider something.  That isn’t blowing smoke up your butt.  Maybe you are just a well-planned bride with great manners and everything else is right on target!  If you are only getting minimal criticism on your plans, really take what they are saying into consideration.

That first look thing?  Most of the photographers I know LOVE doing that as it gets so much out of the way.  My last of 4 DDs to be married next Summer has made it loud and clear that no first look will happen.  Her photographer will be a very smart cookie to agree with her and not try to talk her out of it. (Although this MOB REALLY wishes she would reconsider, it is her wedding not mine, so it is for her and her FI to decide).


Post # 12
1818 posts
Buzzing bee

@MsGinkgo:  Well, then – there you go!  If the first look isn’t for you, that’s cool.  Everyone has to do what they think is right.  I don’t recall seeing a lot of posts from you that made me think you were a bridezilla off her rocker, so I’m guessing you really are a well-mannered bride who is organized, cares about her guests, and has rock solid plans.  If you got it you got it!

Post # 13
2980 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MsGinkgo:  I haven’t noticed as much with venders yet, but for me, it was like pulling teeth to get my bridesmaids opinion on a dress.  Really, I think a lot of PPs are right; everyone just wants you to have the wedding that you want, so they will pretty much default to “It’s your wedding.”  

Post # 14
8586 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think it all comes to the fact that they want your business – it’s just like any other business. They are going to try to sugar coat things and make everything look like butterfies and rainbows so you go with their company [whether it be venue, bakery, ect].

This is why I come to the bee to ask if my ideas are silly.. but even on here alot of times the thoughts are skewed because some people just agree with whatever the bride says.

When I come up with a silly idea, I normally save it, and wait a month or so and look back on it and decide if its really worth the time/effort, or if it’s just plain old silly.

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