Post # 1
Member
13 posts
Newbee
6 months ago he took me to look at rings, then said he wasn’t ready for all this
Things since then have been good. We have discussed we will likely get married and buying a house in 2014. Which is great and makes me happy that will be happening soon. But.. we have been dating for 5 years. I want to get engaged. I am okay with having a year to year and half engagement. I think it is all a process, date, get engaged then get married. However, my boyfriend does not really get engagments. Doesn’t think u need to get engaged until u have money for a house and a wedding then u get married a COUPLE months after you get engaged. We have already agreed to a small wedding but I like the idea of being engaged for a while. Having time to plan a wedding and enjoying that next phase. I have tried to explain this to him but he doesn’t seem to care. It makes me very mad and so hard to deal with him.
He has said he doesn’t care about being engaged and its not important to him. So if u love some one and say you want to spend the rest of your life with them and something means so much to them, wouldn’t you want to do it?
I feel like he is being completely selfish and controlling and I really dont know how to deal with this.
I need help!!
Post # 3
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
@roughtimes88: Maybe you could have his Mom or one of your friends explain it to him.
Also, have you READ some of the threads around here lately…. engagements are full of stress of planning the wedding. The weddings are great tho!!!
Post # 4
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
I agree with you, I think it is a little selfish of him to dismiss your feelings so quickly, especially over something he doesn’t seem to care about. If he was like, morally opposed to engagements, that would be one thing. But if he truely doens’t care about engagements, he should just suck it up and do it for you. He should be willing to do something he genuinly doesn’t care about to make the person he loves happy. If it is important to you, he should be willing to do it for you.
That being said, I get the feeling that there is something else going on here. If he is really just not ready to get engaged, then he should be pressured into it. It’s possible that he just isn’t ready yet. But if he is being 100% honest and his real reason is that he just thinks engagements are unnecessary, then I think he’s being a little selfish and should be willing to compromise with you. If it truely doesn’t make a difference to him, then what harm will come to him by getting engaged?
Post # 5
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
I think he is being a tad selfish. It may not be important to him, but it’s important to you. How can you just buy a house and jump into marriage without the engagement? I don’t get his reasoning either.
The engagement is the period before marriage, where the planning and excitement begins. I think you need to make a list of the reason’s it’s important to you and let him know.
Hopefully he can understand and will change his mind!
Member