(Closed) Tired of Wedding Party Members Constantly Bailing!

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry but I don’t see how you could have worked out and wrapped up the naked texting issue in three months, that is such a huge betrayal of trust. I’m sorry that you’re feeling unsupported by your friends, but I think you should forget about them and focus on your relationship for right now.

Post # 19
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

The only common denominator between all these people is.. you and your fiancé. Maybe time to do some self critique. 

Post # 21
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I feel your pain I had the same situation as well and even my own aunt dropped out!!! and a close friend of mine also dropped out due to the fact i had to postpone the wedding… It is an honor to be asked to be part of a wedding and some people just see it as an extra exspense  and they miss the bigger picture..

Post # 22
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

Have you considered simplifying your wedding?

I guess I just hate drama so if that was happening to me, I would just scrap all of that and elope. You don’t need bridemaids and groomsmen to get married. Use all the money you would have spent on them and spend it on yourself. Then come back and have a big party to celebrate. No more drama. 

Post # 24
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

$50,000 for a wedding!! Wow!! what in the heck did they spend their money on?!

Post # 25
Member
9672 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

“I found out that the other married couple that were in the party, the wife was sending my fiancé naked pictures of herself for over a year and her husband was the one who discovered it and told me (My fiancé and I have been in couples therapy since February due to that, and now we’re finally strong again).”

I think that was more of a bad omen to your marriage than the bridal party dropping out. But, I digress. Why do you even need a program? I’d have stopped wasting money (that you say you dont have) on that long ago. People will be okay without one, I promise.

Not to mention that because your bridal party is so large at some point you have started including people you really aren’t on that level with. I find it hard to believe anyone has like 16 best friends and really, someone has to be a bestfriend or at the very least very close to the couple to want to take on being in a bridal party. Being work friends with someone is different than your best girlfriend you’ve known since you were 5.

“people just get weird and jealous when it comes to other people’s weddings.”

I’ve had no problems with friends being “weird and jealous” about our wedding. The majority of them are very into it and want to help as much as possible. However, I’ve asked literally nothing of them other than to provide their (reasonably) priced dresses and tuxes. Thats it. 

And lastly, there is only one common denominator with all these drop outs and that is you and Fiance. I agree with taking a look at yourself first.

Post # 26
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

If you can’t elope, then I would do whatever will get you closest to elopement/simplification. The next time someone drops out, don’t replace them. No more spending money on the bridal party. Everyone gets simpler gifts. If there’s a bridal shower, keep it small and simple. Stress to whoever is organizing it that you love them and because you love them, you don’t want them overwhelmed so keep everything simple. 

Enjoy your camping trip with those who are coming. Forget the rest of them! You’re getting married! They’re missing an awesome camping trip. Take some fun photos so you can look back on that awesome camping trip with some close friends. 

Honestly I think the problem is that the bridal party is too big and now there are too many personalities involved (including yours and FI). Nobody has a bad personality or anything like that, but the more people you involve, the more complicated things get. So don’t keep replenishing it. If people are dropping out, then treat it like a wedding version of the Darwinian process. 

Post # 27
Member
1268 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

lredfern6032:  I’m not sure what you expect out of your post (or the previous one) since you seem to deflect on everything that the posters have mentioned. I echo the previous posters in that you should self-reflect more. Saying that you and your Fiance haven’t done anything wrong isn’t self-reflection. No one is 100% innocent. Don’t get me wrong, I think everyone involved is not being an adult about the situation.

People have different priorities in their lives, and when something unexpected comes up, such as a new job opportunity, upcoming pregnancy, financial constraints, etc. then it’s their prerogative to prioritize it over your wedding. 

It seems everyone has an excuse to not be in your wedding. And some of the excuses are valid; however, they’re not valid reasons for ignoring you considering they are/were in the wedding. They’re just using it as an excuse to 1) not be in the wedding and 2) to end the friendship. If almost everyone is using excuses to ignore you and your Fiance, then I think you two are a huge part of the problem. 

Your wedding is important to you, your Fiance, and your families. It’s not necessarily important to anyone else. If your drama is causing stress in your circle of friends’ lives, then they are probably thinking that it’s best to not be in your life. I can tell you now that if you had a tight-knit circle and an affair occurred b/t your Fiance and someone else within that circle, then yes, it will cause a huge amount of drama that no one wants to deal with. People will pick sides and unfortunately, it is causing you a lot of problems before the wedding. 

In addition, you make it seem as if the people in your wedding party are props. What are the costs of being in the wedding? Maybe it started off as being too much, which caused people to drop out. And honestly, if a bride told me that I’m going to have to pay for the reprinting of the ceremony programs (if I drop out), I’d tell her to f*ck off and would drop out in a second. You also can’t legally force me to pay for it either unless there was some signed agreement. 

Stop adding more people to your wedding party. At the rate you are going, there’s no point in continuously reprinting the ceremony programs. I don’t even know why you would do it so far in advance either. Just exclude the names of people in your wedding party in the program itself if you are having so many issues retaining your wedding party.

Enjoy the presence of those who are attending the wedding and move on. If people are still ignoring you, just send them a polite text stating that due to the circumstances, you are assuming he/she is no longer in the wedding party and will no longer be attending the wedding. 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by  dojx.
Post # 28
Member
3308 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You’re not getting it. At a minimum, you need to evaluate how you choose your friends and bridal party. Clearly you’re doing it wrong. And it’s kind of apparent that some people don’t like you very much; while that’s a tough pill to swallow, you need to face facts instead of denying all responsibility. 

Post # 29
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

You have wedding party members ghosting and cutting ties with you left and right, and yet you refuse to even entertain the idea that you/your Fiance may be the problem. Until you do, your situation is only going to continue to get worse.

Post # 30
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

There’s far more to this whole thing than OP is telling us, or maybe even more than OP knows.

Also, there’s a bunch of stuff that doesn’t quite line up or make much sense at all. 

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